There’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, most of the happiest people have embraced singlehood and discovered the joys of living an independent and attachment-free life without feeling alone and lonely – but what if you also want to share your most memorable days with someone special?
Sometimes, the happiness and independence of singlehood aren’t enough anymore that some people tend to try their luck at finding love. Others easily succeed at it without even exerting much effort and finally meet the love of their life.
We all know that most of the time, destiny isn’t too willing to give us what we want. However, more often than not, it’s not destiny that’s the problem – it’s us. So how would we know if we’re the ones sabotaging our own chances of finding true love? Well, let this article help you figure it out.
Here are the most overlooked reasons why you are still single.
1. You’re not ready for a relationship.
We’re not really ready for anything but when it comes to committing to a relationship, we have to be. For instance, being emotionally available to accommodate someone in your life is a good sign that you’re finally at that stage of building a healthy bond with another person.
It’s pretty obvious to a potential partner if you’re not mature enough for a serious commitment and the good ones won’t stay once they see that you’re not really ready for it.
2. You’re not confident enough to go out there.
Have confidence in yourself and realize that there will be someone who will appreciate your existence – but how would they know it if you’re too shy hiding in your shell? Your comfort zone can protect you from anything but it will also keep you from getting the good things that life has to offer.
3. You always play it safe.
Come on, you’re not going anywhere if you don’t take risks. Learn to be brave enough to take risks especially when it comes to getting what you want. Remember that being a play-safer won’t get you anywhere – and won’t literally get you anyone.
If you like someone, make a move. If you think someone is interesting, take a risk and tell them how you feel. If someone trustworthy is asking you out on a date, take that risk and say “Yes”.
4. You don’t really think it matters.
Your lack of interest in your love life won’t help you find the one. Sometimes, because of so many failed hopes, we give up and think that finding someone to love you doesn’t matter anymore – even if deep inside, you know it does but you’re just too frustrated and upset that whatever you didn’t work. It won’t hurt to try again – or maybe it would but what’s more important is you did what you can, right?
5. You’re too scared to let others be in your life.
Some past lovers didn’t really leave a good mark and sometimes, we even got our hearts broken. The result is that seemingly reasonable fear of loving again and letting someone have the chance to hurt you again. Being too scared of letting others be in your life can hurt your chances of finally meeting that person who will truly and genuinely love you. Realize that not everyone is going to hurt you. Give it another chance.
6. You’re not good at keeping relationships.
What if someone really wants to be with you but is just too scared to make the mistakes that others did when they chose you? What if that someone knew too well how terrible you are at keeping relationships? The good ones will take a risk but you also have to do your part. Reflect on your past mistakes and do something to change what needs to be changed.
7. You’re too reserved and cautious.
These qualities are good for survival and keeping yourself safe from harm caused by events and people but they will also serve as a guarded prison that will prevent you from spreading your wings to fully enjoy what life and love has to offer.
8. You think you don’t deserve anyone.
You don’t appreciate yourself enough to think that you do deserve someone to love you. You have to change that perspective and realize that everyone deserves true love. Everyone deserves that chance to be loved – including you.
9. You’re looking at the wrong places, looking for the wrong people.
Don’t look for someone perfect. Rather, find someone who would accept your imperfections. Most importantly, make sure that you’re looking at the right places. Here’s a hint: you’ll only find the good and genuine ones at the most unexpected settings.
10. You don’t hang with your crowd.
Are you sure you’re with the right people? Go and hang out with your crowd, the ones who understand and accept you as a person. You don’t have to be someone else or live someone else’s life just to please potential partners. Be with the people who appreciate you for what you are and everything will follow.
11. You believe in your fairytales.
Still waiting for that “Prince Charming” from your childhood fairytales? The fantasy of finding your true love and the actual reality of being in a relationship with someone special won’t really match perfectly. It’s okay to live in your fantasies but you have to realize that reality will have its imperfections and unpredictability – and you should be open enough to accept them.
12. Your standards are ridiculously high.
Yes, we deserve the best, we deserve to meet and love someone perfect but most of the time, life has its way of reminding us that we can’t have it all.
Setting standards is an important way of protecting ourselves from hurt and disappointment but there are times when we have to make adjustments. We can’t be perfect ourselves so why would we impose perfection on someone who is just trying to love you and make you happy? Remember that proving someone’s love is a process.
13. You haven’t moved on from your past yet.
Sometimes you just want the pain from your past relationship to go away that you’re too desperate to find someone new. It’s not a healthy way to start a relationship and most of the time, that inability to move on from the past won’t even let you take the first step to a happier life.
14. You tend to push people away.
Have you noticed how others try and fail to be close to you? Have you noticed how you tend to find someone special but only end up pushing them away because you were either scared or angry to let people in your heart? Let them in. Give them that rare chance to love someone as special as you.
So what are the lessons that we can learn from all these? First of all, you don’t have to be perfect just to find someone to love you perfectly. Secondly, you don’t have to actively and aggressively look for ‘the one’. You just have to focus on loving yourself first and letting yourself be open to experiences without fear and hesitation. Trust me, they will be there, they will come when you’re ready.
Photo by Craig Dennis