Goodbye is not always the answer – and this is true for both old and new relationships. Regardless of the mistakes and uncertainties that you are currently facing as a couple, it’s always worth it to try again as long as you know that both of you are willing to still make it work.
Yes, there are some things that cannot easily be forgiven not only because of the hurt that they have caused but also because of how it already tainted your trust in your partner and in your relationship. If you are stuck in this cycle of constantly failing to forgive no matter how much your partner has changed, this article is for you.
Here are some inspiring and motivating ways to build forgiveness in a relationship.
1. Stop reliving the pain and hurt.
If you want the wound of a mistake to fully heal, you should stop touching it – because what comes after healing is forgiveness, especially if it was done by someone you truly love. Stop thinking about what happened in the past and how it made you feel – as long as the lessons have been learned, you should do your best to stop reliving the pain and hurt. Move on and everything will follow.
2. Give your partner a second chance.
People make mistakes and you, yourself, had your own share of regrets in the past. If you did something hurtful to someone you love like your partner, wouldn’t you want to be given a second chance? Just like how you think you deserve that chance, you should also give the same thought about your partner.
As long as you know that they know what they did, how it affected your relationship, and the things that they should do to avoid repeating the same mistakes, then they deserve that second chance.
3. Don’t be afraid to trust again.
Giving someone a second chance is not enough if you no longer feel that they can be trusted. While you have opened your doors to them once again, it doesn’t guarantee that you have also re-opened your heart to them.
Trust may be hard to recover after a mistake or a betrayal, but giving your significant other another chance to prove himself/herself also means trying your best to trust them again. For instance, don’t judge their present actions by looking at their past mistakes.
4. Appreciate the changes they’ve made.
In connection with the previous section, in order to build forgiveness in the relationship, you also have to do your part. Aside from giving them the chance to become a better person and trusting in their actions, you also have to appreciate the work that they put into these efforts.
It can be hard for someone to change but do you wonder why they still try? Because they know that it’s the only way for them not to lose you – they want to stay and they’ll do everything for your relationship to be what it once was before, or better.
5. Make an effort to reach out.
Perhaps your partner doesn’t feel like talking about the mistakes that they have done in the past that they tend to be quiet about how they truly feel. Their need to be forgiven sometimes makes them scared that they might say the wrong words again, and it might make things worse. What you can do is to assure them that your relationship is their safe place – they should not stop being who they are or stop expressing their thoughts just because they’re afraid to offend their partner again.
Reach out to your partner and talk to them about how they feel after what happened. Make your relationship be your comfort zone and help each other heal.
ALSO READ: 7 Ways to be Humble in a Relationship
6. Stop waiting for your relationship to fail.
You will never be able to forgive someone if you are always on the lookout for things that could go wrong. It’s like you’re just waiting for your relationship to fail because you tend to focus on the negative.
In order to build forgiveness in your relationship, you have to heal as a couple and focus on the good things in the present. Do not let the hurt and pain of the past ruin what you’re trying to rebuild.
7. Remind yourself why you fell in love.
If all else fails, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your relationship is to remember why you are in this relationship in the first place. How did you fall in love? What are the things that you like about this person? What are the happiest memories you have together?
Just remembering the happy and good things will help you find a reason to hold on and give it another try.
8. Focus on new and happier memories.
In connection with the previous section, you have to focus on the new and happier memories you have as a couple. Encourage each other to just be positive and ignore the negativities of the past. You are healing as a couple and regardless of whose fault it was, you both suffered their consequences.
Be kind to each other and stop hurting each other. Be each other’s strength, and keep on fighting for your love no matter what.
9. Pray for enlightenment and guidance.
Let your faith and spiritual strength show you the way to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, when you are hurting and in pain, you lose the courage to forgive someone who had caused you pain. What you can do is to pray for enlightenment and guidance, for wisdom and for healing, so that you will be able to have the strength to give your love another chance.
10. Together, start over with a new love story.
Finally, the last piece of advice has something to do with new beginnings. Let your road to forgiveness open a bigger door to a new stage in your relationship. Start over, start anew – and do this together.
In order to build forgiveness in your relationship, you have to make an effort to take the first step. The road may look narrow and daunting, but never let this fear weaken your faith in the promise that you have made together. Good luck!
ALSO READ: 12 Ways to be Selfless in a Relationship
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.