Are you struggling with your relationship because of an overly jealous boyfriend? Like, he does not allow you to go out with friends or talk with other guys. Or maybe he is always suspicious of you, doubting your fidelity.
There are reasons why a person is jealous. First, they could have caught their partners cheating on them, resulting in trust issues. Such experience is painful and traumatic, so it is not easy for that individual to control jealousy. Second, a person may have low self-esteem, leading to insecurities. Third, the person could be guilty of cheating on their partner, so they are afraid of getting their ‘karma’. Or, fourth, the person has a behavior disorder that makes them highly possessive and paranoid.
Jealousy is not healthy, and being with a jealous person is toxic. Therefore, jealous people have to be aware of their problems and willingly change their behavior.
If you are clueless on how to deal with a jealous boyfriend, you can try the following:
1. Evaluate the reasons why he is jealous.
The first step you need to do is finding out the cause of your boyfriend’s jealousy. You can talk to him personally, asking him why he behaves that way. At first, he may be hesitant to cooperate, but he would be willing to resolve his issues if he really loves you. You can also try talking to his family and friends. Maybe they know something about his past or the reason for his actions now.
Of course, you should also evaluate yourself. You must face the possibility that you could have done something that has made your boyfriend insecure. If this is the case, you should ask forgiveness and be willing to change as well.
2. Set boundaries in your friendship with other guys.
Whether you have a jealous partner or not, you must know your limitations in socializing with the opposite sex. In short, you must be careful not to be too cozy with other guys, which may lead to flirting or deeper emotional attachment.
Any person will be jealous if their partner is closer to someone else. Everyone wants to be the most intimate person with their partners. If they feel that their boyfriend or girlfriend gives more attention, time, and trust to someone else, they would feel insecure in their relationship.
3. Agree to be honest and transparent with each other.
One of the secrets of a harmonious relationship is transparency. You and your partner can compromise and set rules, including being transparent with your activities, whereabouts, and companions. It is up to you if you will exchange passwords to your social media accounts. Nevertheless, doing so may help ease the anxiety your boyfriend feels.
Honesty is an essential element in a healthy relationship too. Sometimes, mistrust and suspicions are triggered by lies. If your boyfriend has caught you lying to him several times, you cannot blame him for thinking you are capable of cheating on him.
4. Have a frank talk with him about how you feel.
Your boyfriend may not be aware that he is toxic already. Let him realize how his behavior is negatively affecting you. Be honest with him about how you feel. If he loves you, he will listen and do his best to change.
However, if he denies that there is something wrong with him, he may not try to change at all. Give him an ultimatum. You may love him so much, but you should love yourself too. If he continues to be a toxic partner, you have to consider leaving for your mental health.
5. Help him understand and overcome his insecurities.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, it is not surprising that he has a lot of insecurities. Insecure people are mostly jealous because they think their partners can find someone better than them. If this is the case, open up about what you observe and assure him that you are willing to help.
Help your boyfriend overcome his insecurities by resolving their root cause. For instance, if he is not confident with his looks, you can help transform his fashion style or join him in workout sessions to achieve a fitter body. Or, if he feels inadequate because he does not have a college degree, you can encourage him to go back to school. Tell him that it is not too late to pursue his dreams.
6. Make him realize that he does not own you.
Is your partner very possessive that he likes dictating your life? Does he want to be in control of everything you do? If this is his case, it is not surprising that he is easily jealous. He wants your life to revolve around him, and he thinks that he owns you.
Talk to your boyfriend about how he treats you. Make sure that both of you are in a good mood when you open up about this. Then, tell him how his behavior chokes you. Remind him that he does not own you, and he cannot control your life.
7. Encourage him to live a life outside your relationship.
In connection to no. 6, make your boyfriend realize that the two of you should continue to live your own separate lives. You must not make your world revolve around each other. Therefore, he should not be jealous whenever you have to socialize with others. Assure him that he can also make friends with the opposite sex as long as he also knows his limitations.
Getting your boyfriend outside of his shell may not be easy at first, so be supportive along the process. You can encourage him to see his friends and hang out with them even without you. It will also help if he finds a new hobby or interest to enjoy with other people. The two of you can also join an organization that can keep you busy and exposes you to other people.
8. Involve him in your life more.
One of the reasons for jealousy is the feeling of being left out. Everyone wants to feel needed, longed for, and helpful. Therefore, when you keep shutting your boyfriend off your life, always telling him that you are busy, he would feel unimportant and a nuisance. Thus, he would feel insecure in his role as a partner.
To remove the doubts in your partner’s head, allow him to be involved in your daily life. Not that you need to be together 24/7, but at least let him feel like he is welcome to join you in your regular activities. For instance, you can let him tag along whenever you need to buy groceries. You can also ask him to help you with the laundry.
9. Be open and keep him updated.
As mentioned above, being open and transparent to your boyfriend can help prevent jealousy. However, you should not limit transparency to your whereabouts, activities, and companions. It is also applicable to how you feel and think.
Instead of pouring out to your other friends, share your thoughts and problems with your boyfriend. It would hurt him to find out from other people that you are struggling with something. Therefore, make it a habit to let your partner know about what is happening inside and around you.
10. Give him more attention when around other guys.
To get rid of his suspicion that you want to be with another guy, make your boyfriend feel special whenever you are around other people, especially men. Let him feel that he is the apple of your eye. Of course, you can also talk with others, but make sure that he gets special attention.
For instance, you should sit next to him instead of someone else. Whenever he speaks up, listen intently and support what he says. You can also praise him in front of the group.
Be Free From a Toxic Relationship
If, after trying everything, your boyfriend continues to be jealous, maybe you should consider leaving. It can be your best option, especially if he is abusive and violent. The longer you stay with that person, the more broken you become.
Always remember that self-love must come first before you can love other people. You cannot help your boyfriend change if he sees that you can tolerate his behavior. He will keep reasoning out that you must accept him for who he is if you truly love him.
Yes, it is nice to be loved and to love in return. This is the reason why many people are longing to have a partner. However, some do not understand that you need to be in a healthy relationship to enjoy love. It is better to be single than be stuck in a toxic relationship.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship
- Turning Jealousy into Gold:
Overcoming jealousy in the most loving and awesome way! So that your relationships and happiness can flourish.
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