Are you struggling with your relationship because of an overly jealous boyfriend? Like, he does not allow you to go out with friends or talk with other guys. Or maybe he is always suspicious of you, doubting your fidelity.
There are reasons why a person is jealous. First, they could have caught their partners cheating on them, resulting in trust issues. Such experience is painful and traumatic, so it is not easy for that individual to control jealousy. Second, a person may have low self-esteem, leading to insecurities. Third, the person could be guilty of cheating on their partner, so they are afraid of getting their ‘karma’. Or, fourth, the person has a behavior disorder that makes them highly possessive and paranoid.
Signs Your Boyfriend is Jealous
You can study the 12 Signs Your Boyfriend is Jealous to see if your boyfriend is jealous.
1. He continuously checks upon you.
2. Going out with friends often becomes an issue.
3. He needs to have access to your gadgets and social media accounts.
4. You cannot go out without him.
5. Getting compliments from other guys puts you in a tough spot.
6. He stalks your guy friends on social media.
7. Your message history with guy friends does not go untouched.
8. He demands that you publicly post about your relationship on social media.
9. He jokingly accuses you of cheating on him all the time.
10. You are discouraged from wearing sexy outfits and grooming yourself.
11. He likes going on PDA with you.
12. You are not allowed to make friends with other guys.
How to Deal with a Jealous Boyfriend
Jealousy is not healthy, and being with a jealous person is toxic. Therefore, jealous people have to be aware of their problems and willingly change their behavior.
If you are clueless on how to deal with a jealous boyfriend, you can try the following:
1. Evaluate the reasons why he is jealous.
The first step you need to do is finding out the cause of your boyfriend’s jealousy. Then, you can talk to him personally, asking him why he behaves that way. At first, he may be hesitant to cooperate, but he would be willing to resolve his issues if he really loves you. You can also try talking to his family and friends. Maybe they know something about his past or the reason for his actions now.
Of course, you should also evaluate yourself. You must face the possibility that you could have done something that has made your boyfriend insecure. If this is the case, you should ask forgiveness and be willing to change as well.
2. Set boundaries in your friendship with other guys.
Whether you have a jealous partner or not, you must know your limitations in socializing with the opposite sex. In short, you must be careful not to be too cozy with other guys, which may lead to flirting or deeper emotional attachment.
Any person will be jealous if their partner is closer to someone else. Everyone wants to be the most intimate person with their partners. If they feel that their boyfriend or girlfriend gives more attention, time, and trust to someone else, they would feel insecure in their relationship.
3. Agree to be honest and transparent with each other.
One of the secrets of a harmonious relationship is transparency. You and your partner can compromise and set rules, including transparency with your activities, whereabouts, and companions. Of course, it is up to you if you will exchange passwords to your social media accounts. Nevertheless, doing so may help ease the anxiety your boyfriend feels.
Honesty is an essential element in a healthy relationship too. Sometimes, mistrust and suspicions are triggered by lies. If your boyfriend has caught you lying to him several times, you cannot blame him for thinking you are capable of cheating on him.
4. Have a frank talk with him about how you feel.
Your boyfriend may not be aware that he is toxic already. Let him realize how his behavior is negatively affecting you. Be honest with him about how you feel. If he loves you, he will listen and do his best to change.
However, if he denies that there is something wrong with him, he may not try to change at all. Give him an ultimatum. You may love him so much, but you should love yourself too. If he continues to be a toxic partner, you have to consider leaving for your mental health.
5. Help him understand and overcome his insecurities.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, it is not surprising that he has a lot of insecurities. Insecure people are mostly jealous because they think their partners can find someone better than them. If this is the case, open up about what you observe and assure him that you are willing to help.
Help your boyfriend overcome his insecurities by resolving their root cause. For instance, if he is not confident with his looks, you can help transform his fashion style or join him in workout sessions to achieve a fitter body. Or, if he feels inadequate because he does not have a college degree, you can encourage him to go back to school. Tell him that it is not too late to pursue his dreams.
6. Make him realize that he does not own you.
Is your partner very possessive that he likes dictating your life? Does he want to be in control of everything you do? If this is his case, it is not surprising that he is easily jealous. He wants your life to revolve around him, and he thinks that he owns you.
Talk to your boyfriend about how he treats you. Make sure that both of you are in a good mood when you open up about this. Then, tell him how his behavior chokes you. Remind him that he does not own you, and he cannot control your life.
7. Encourage him to live a life outside your relationship.
In connection to no. 6, make your boyfriend realize that the two of you should continue to live your own separate lives. You must not make your world revolve around each other. Therefore, he should not be jealous whenever you have to socialize with others. Assure him that he can also make friends with the opposite-sex as he knows his limitations.
Getting your boyfriend outside of his shell may not be easy at first, so be supportive along the process. You can encourage him to see his friends and hang out with them even without you. It will also help if he finds a new hobby or interest to enjoy with other people. The two of you can also join an organization that can keep you busy and exposes you to other people.
8. Involve him in your life more.
One of the reasons for jealousy is the feeling of being left out. Everyone wants to feel needed, longed for, and helpful. Therefore, when you keep shutting your boyfriend off your life, always telling him that you are busy, he would feel unimportant and a nuisance. Thus, he would feel insecure in his role as a partner.
To remove the doubts in your partner’s head, allow him to be involved in your daily life. Not that you need to be together 24/7, but at least let him feel like he is welcome to join you in your regular activities. For instance, you can let him tag along whenever you need to buy groceries. You can also ask him to help you with the laundry.
9. Be open and keep him updated.
As mentioned above, being open and transparent to your boyfriend can help prevent jealousy. However, you should not limit transparency to your whereabouts, activities, and companions. It is also applicable to how you feel and think.
Instead of pouring out to your other friends, share your thoughts and problems with your boyfriend. It would hurt him to find out from other people that you are struggling with something. Therefore, make it a habit to let your partner know what is happening inside and around you.
10. Give him more attention when around other guys.
To get rid of his suspicion that you want to be with another guy, make your boyfriend feel special whenever you are around other people, especially men. Let him feel that he is the apple of your eye. Of course, you can also talk with others, but make sure that he gets special attention.
For instance, you should sit next to him instead of someone else. Whenever he speaks up, listen intently and support what he says. You can also praise him in front of the group.
Things Girls Do That Make Their Boyfriends Jealous
Before you conclude that your boyfriend is the one to blame, try to answer this:
If your boyfriend has any good reasons to be jealous of you?
Here are the things that girls do that usually make their boyfriends jealous:
1. Recounting memories with an ex
Statements from memory lane like “I love this ice cream; Jake and I used to eat this during summers”, “Michael taught me how to drive carefully”, or “My ex and I often walked in this park” from a girl can really hit her boyfriend in all the wrong places. I mean, we get it; you spent precious and unforgettable moments with your ex, but keep these memories to yourself, please! Girls sharing such things to their present boyfriends will involuntarily make the latter compare themselves to the exes and even make them think that their girlfriends still harbor feelings for their former lovers. Past stories can be dangerous, so share them with care.
2. Talking about or complimenting another guy often
It is one thing for a guy’s girlfriend to talk about how much of a kind dude and skilled musician another guy named John is, but it’s completely another for her to talk about just how good and dandy John is all day! The girl’s boyfriend will end up thinking: “What’s all the fuss with this John?! I’m equally kind and skilled! I can foster more cats than he ever could, and I can make even angels cry with my violin prowess!” So, to the girlfriends out there, administer your compliments to other dudes in moderation, and as a bonus, please don’t forget always to give your guy a healthy dose.
3. Being too clingy or touchy to a friend
Boyfriends are reasonable people; it is all right with them if their girlfriends occasionally long for the company of a friend or squeeze his cheek. However, boyfriends are also rational beings. So, when their girlfriends start to constantly demand the company or attention of her friend or begin to hug, tap, or pinch this friend frequently, boyfriends develop rational feelings of jealousy and suspicion. Such is simply the nature of the species!
4. Hanging out or spending so much time with a friend
A good boyfriend understands that his and his girl’s world does not revolve only around the two of them. That’s why he is not only okay with his girl spending time with her friend; he also encourages her to do so. However, all things must be well-balanced. If the girl starts to hang out with her friends or a specific friend all too much, it is but expected for even a good boyfriend to feel a little jelly. After all, time is priceless, and his girl chooses to spend a lot of her time with another person and not him.
5. Choosing to take a friend’s side
If you and your girlfriend’s friend got into a critical argument over the best Star Wars movie, you would subconsciously expect that she will stand by you and your choice. This is because we like our partners to have our backs, to be there to defend us even when the world is against us. Hence, it is understandable for a guy to feel a mixture of betrayal and jealousy when his girlfriend does the exact opposite and chooses “Attack of the Clones”!
6. Always texting or chatting with other guys
Imagine seeing your girl tap her fingers on her phone to talk to this one dude or, God forbid, a group of dudes daily and for long periods of time. What would you feel and think? Would your thoughts always be restrained and limited to: “it’s okay; they’re just probably talking about an assignment or project they have to accomplish”? However, as a person with a creative mind, it is rational for you to develop equally creative thoughts that lead to feelings of uncertainty and jealousy.
7. Showing more concern to a friend
When guys see their girlfriends show care and concern to other people, they become more attractive. However, when a guy sees how much his girl is concerned about her friend catching a cold from a drizzle, not giving him the same level of concern despite him going through a storm, it is but expected that he will show a tad of irritation and jealousy!
8. Being head-over-heels over male celebrities
We understand why our girlfriends will adore celebrity gentlemen like Keanu Reeves, Chris Evans, and Tom Cruise. In fact, we can empathize; we love those guys too! But, we don’t like it all that much when they go head-over-heels whenever they get to see or hear anything about these celebrities. I mean, come on, those guys already have millions of die-hard fans worldwide; can’t we at least have you, our girlfriend, as our one and only faithful admirer!
9. Flirting with other guys
It is easy to sense whether a person is just being friendly or is already flirting. Body language, choice of words, and insinuations are distinct to flirting; if a guy sees these signs present in his girlfriend when she is interacting with another dude, he will surely feel a smorgasbord of emotions with jealousy not being the worst of them. Fortunately, flirting is preventable and treatable; one only has to take a daily pill of loyalty.
The best relationships are founded on mutual trust and affection. However, from time to time, jealousy visits and impacts these relationships in various ways. For example, it can cause harmless teasing, heated discussions, or, worst-case scenario, breakups. So, take note of the things mentioned above to avoid unexpected visits from good old jealousy!
Be Free From a Toxic Relationship
If, after trying everything, your boyfriend continues to be jealous, maybe you should consider leaving. It can be your best option, especially if he is abusive and violent. The longer you stay with that person, the more broken you become.
Always remember that self-love must come first before you can love other people. You cannot help your boyfriend change if he sees that you can tolerate his behavior. He will keep reasoning that you must accept him for who he is if you truly love him.
Yes, it is nice to be loved and to love in return. This is the reason why many people are longing to have a partner. However, some do not understand that you need to be in a healthy relationship to enjoy love. It is better to be single than be stuck in a toxic relationship.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship
- Turning Jealousy into Gold:
Overcoming jealousy most lovingly and awesomely! So that your relationships and happiness can flourish.
Books recommended for you:
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