“Most people want to see you do better, but not doing better than them.” – London Mond
It’s funny how people are nice in front of you, but talk about negative things behind your back. They feel insecure and angry with themselves, so they makeup stories or exaggerate them to pull someone down. Some of them are overly friendly and will feed you with flattery for no apparent reason. They are fond of wearing masks and can make a show about being friends with you, but indulge in poisonous gossip about you.
One thing I learned about dealing with backstabbers is that they are only powerful when you got your back turned. At first, it wasn’t easy to deal with them and I admit that there are times when everything they said really got on my nerves. However, I realized that there is no reason to degrade myself by making me hate them because I know myself better than them.
Since, I’ve learned how to handle it, allow me to share some smart ways on how to deal with backstabbers.
1. Stay calm.
No matter how pissed off I am hearing all those misleading stories, I make sure to keep myself calm before I make an action. A mad person will only commit irate actions and might say things he or she will regret in the end. So, inhale, exhale and take an hour to digest the information. Once you feel calm enough, proceed to the next step.
2. Keep yourself from retaliating.
Well, this has been one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made when dealing with backstabbers. I just can’t help myself from fighting back at them. I keep on posting negative things about them to piss them off. However, this is not the right thing to do. If you don’t want to step into their levels, better keep quiet and just laughed at whatever lies they are spreading about you.
3. Assess the situation carefully.
Take time to assess the situation first before you react to the issue. Find out whether the story is true or exaggerated.
4. Don’t underestimate the power of a backstabber.
Never ignore the behavior of a backstabber or offend the person more, because you don’t know what they can do once you push them to their limits.
5. Listen to the other person’s story.
It’s not always right to keep your side only. There are times when you mistook the situation or it is more complicated than you thought. The best way you can do this is to allow them to tell their side of the story without interrupting or getting mad at them. Perhaps, they did not really do the backstabbing intentionally, so you have to hear them out.
6. Calmly confront the backstabber.
Some people might say it’s better to go straight to the source and confront the backstabber rather than to stay quiet. This is quite true since you don’t have to backstab a backstabber because if you do that, you will not be different from that person. So, try to confront your backstabbing friend but do it calmly and maturely with the goal of solving the problem without getting into trouble.
7. Choose your words wisely.
It’s normal to get pissed off by your backstabber, but you better choose your words wisely when you talk to them. Backstabbers are just waiting for the opportunity that will give them the reason to use against you.
8. Prove them wrong through action.
Correct those rumors and false perceptions through concrete actions. Remember the saying “actions speak louder than words” So, whatever gossips or false claims your backstabbing friends are inventing, show them the truth to prove them wrong. It will make everyone around you realize that those things being accused of you are all false.
9. Drop them out of your life and let them go.
You don’t need to have a relationship with people who will pull you down, so you better cut them off. Just accept the fact that there are people who are not meant to be your friends. Remember the saying that “bad company corrupts good character”. So if you want to keep your good character, keep away from fake friends and stick to the real ones.
10. Learn from the experience.
I always believe that there is something to learn from every situation. Being a victim of backstabbers will help you learn more about your haters and also about yourself. Recognizing these things will also help you grow more.
People often have to deal with backstabbers everywhere. If you want to know how to catch a backstabber, here’s a clue. They want to gain something for themselves and gain power over you. You might have friends who smile at you but behind your back, they attack you. You also have to be very careful about who you hang out with because you don’t know who is real and who is not. They love to stir up conflict and enjoy seeing people going to each other’s throats. They always deny their role in spreading lies and are skillful at making you feel like the guilty party.
When dealing with backstabbing friends, it is important to maintain a positive sense of self and never reflect on what they are doing towards you. Nobody wants to be the unwitting target of someone’s aggressive actions. However, there are also positive things you’ll learn from it. Soon, you’ll learn to keep away from over-friendly people, empathize with gossipers, and realize that going behind someone’s back can make matters worse.
So to wrap things up, you don’t have to worry about those people who talk behind your back and spread rumors, because they are behind for a reason. It might be a bit challenging but as time goes by you’ll learn how to overcome them.
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Hi, Much Love as a friend, I could use Your guys’ help with a few things and I got your tells, I will take your advice
Thank you for giving us your advice. My personal favorite is #9. Drop Them Out of Your Life and Let It Go. ❤️
I deal with this and work and many of the backstabbers I have learned to avoid. I consider them extremely dangerous and unsafe to even talk to and I avoid them completely. I have learned that the filing complaints against me behind my back has happened many times. But I have a good boss who stands by me and knows what these people are like and stands up for me . So I have learned just to stay away from everybody go do my job and go home and don’t even talk to anyone
I’m dealing with a family member that backstabbing me, I’ve been living at home because I don’t have a job. My family member had an opportunity get me closer to getting out of the house because this job pays high. In person this person was supportive but I found that today that when it came down it through an other person. That they didn’t want me to make friends with someone that could get me a that job. It was all fake to them, they lead me on. I will succeed with out them , it will just be more difficult.
I always face this issue, an I really do not understand why God sends such kind of people in my life to make my life hell. A girl in office whom I considered friend hung out with me for 3 years. I got her jobs in 6-7 companies and she chose the best one for her, and when I came back from wedding, she ganged up with girls against me and making faces and troubling me at office with no guilt and regret for her actions. Also there was a guy who was in need of money and I gave him money despite me going through a tough phase of divorce where I needed money to fight my case. He then didnt return my money and has stopped receiving my calls or replying to my messages. I really do not know how to identify people, to not let bring such a**holes into my life. How do I stop becoming emotional fool. I think of cutting off the social circle completely due to loss in trust in humanity.
I am facing a really bad backstabbing action when the people who are living with me and the back stab me and take my fake nails and then uses everything against me I don’t just know what to do cause they will tell my parents and is really bad very bad pls I need answer pls😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
I have a business with my fiancé and for the last couple of years he has been talking sh*t to others like customers, employees, and friends. Today we got to work and he told the employee to stay off her phone at work because I did all the work yesterday and as soon as he seen that I was busy at the computer he walks up front and whispers something in her ear. I knew when he started to go out front what he was going to do and I quietly walked out and saw him whispering to her. I asked him why he had to whisper to her and he made some stupid excuse. This is the straw that broke the camels back for me. I know he whispered something about me and how it’s my fault he was yelling at her he was undermining me and throwing me under the bus as well as back stabbing me. I’m still pissed and probably going to move to the other side of the country to get away from him.
Yes backstabbers are Mean, & not everyone will agree with them but some are too weak to stand up for u
Yep best thing to do is be yourself around your friends, family and colleagues and be professional to show that you’re not ignorant and don’t sink that low and verbally remind others involved that you have never behaved in the odd/out of character manner in which the backstabber is stating. Smart friends, family and colleagues will see this and respect and appreciate you for being stable, diplomatic and professional. They will then assess the backstabbers behaviour and see the toxic backstabber for the low lying scum that they are. Peace 🙂
Same evil sh*t is surrounding me at work from a colleague and I am a f**king doctor. Bully and backstabbing crosses all jobs. Instead of concentrating on being the best dr possible for my patients I am letting her lies and contempt make me doubt myself alot.
I dont know what to do anymore. I guess just go silent around her and imagine myself some place else while I am at work. I hope she drops dead tonight and her soul gets trapped in the fiery bowels of hell.
Doctor, I have the same situation in my office, I am an Admin Supervisor and this subordinate was a very tricky person. Know what? I am praying for this person and I am trying not to talk my personal life with this person. I kept distance and talk only work related matters. This person was like a snake, so subtle but poisonous. Beware with this kind of people. Be wise in dealing with them. Calm yourself, talk only work related matters and brace yourself. These kind of people pretending to be good friends but in reality NOT, this person is a FOE. Take care . You are the best, you are awesome and you are the best. My 2 children are in medical fields also. Be strong and God is the best friend of all.
I have 2 freinds named Madison and Lilah there backstabbers and I cry every time I think about them 😭😭😭😭😢😢or become insecure 💔💔💔💔
Yes I have backstabbers @ work
BEST thing to do is wait 6 mths then get them back when they least expect it like take something of theirs & hide it or tip bird seed over their car
& remember what goes around comes around
Gracie don’t even worry about them just cut them off like it’s nothing cos these losers are sad pathetic creatures 😂
I agree with Maria above. Backstabbers succeed because of they recruit others into a group mob to attack the unlucky person that has offended, angered or made them jealous. In all cases I’ve seen the backstabber has won and forces the other person to retreat from the group or even worse quit their job. So ignoring and smiling through it as they ruin your reputation isn’t the answer. The only thing that seems to work is get other people to support you especially at work so they can protect you against malicious attacks and also keep far away from the backstabber and their friends. Most of the time if they are doing it at work you are threat and they are trying to get rid of the competition.
It’s interesting how backstabbers recruits other people to gain power and control. It’s kinda scary but it reminds me of how damaging it can be to my life. Thanks for all the tips about how to behave when around a back stabbed.
i have tried to let go of it but its just really hard to because how stupid was i to make friend i met at camp for a month and i made other friends in camp but he turned them all against me and also told my dad to stop talking sh### about him and he was going to send some of his friends to go beat me up but how dum was i to tell my mom no his a good kid im 13 and i hope no one the to go thought this his name is Daniel
I’d like to thank the people that created this study guide I needed help. I have one recommendation that is the reverse of what it says here on this site just ruin enough things they were responsible for enough to just get those people fired from their jobs laugh at them say pay back just sucks
Their behavior will eventually become apparent to other people & backstabbers at work are usually threatened by your work performance. I’m going through the same thing at my work because i’m doing good in a male-dominated dept. So they criticize, sabotage me, laugh behind my back, mock me & send emails to higher ups over any little thing that I do while smiling to my face.
my friend told a bunch of people i like this guy which i don’t but however she’s obsessed with him and like asked me if i like him and i said no and then she told everyone i said maybe with like a winky face. i feel like she hates me cuz her big obsession with that guy who keeps asking me to cuddle or telling me i’m cute(i say no). on top of that he asks girls for nudes then blocks them. but now i have to see her at school and she doesn’t know i know so should i just fake it or confront her?
I have learnt to take the bull.by it’s horns…no matter how bad u may seem to other people they will ultimately understand that who is wrong and who is right. I simply say the way they are behaving ….
Hi i am facing some backstabbing in my office from one my friend who’s works in same department,
when he was job less i gave him job in my company with good package,but after some days he taking me granted in every thing from late coming to office, giving excuses in every question asked,
now 2-3 ppl join him, they do times pass all the day, on work, when i was asked question he stated blaming me ,
he is the biggest lair and baster person ever seen my life
Bro, I totally feel the same way