The feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction in one’s life can make us the happiest person on earth – and it doesn’t mean that you have to have all the money in the world, or to follow most people’s definition of success. Beyond a seven-digit bank account and a title beside your name, being fulfilled and happy as an individual only takes one simple rule: celebrate life and have the right perspective to accept its imperfections.
However, in people’s endless and challenging search just to find the happiness that they think they deserve, so many of them end up taking the wrong and opposite road to frustration and disappointment – and this is where bitterness in a person bears its toxic fruits.
Undeniably, bitterness can hinder anyone from living a happy and fulfilled life and it’s important that you know if you, too, are losing your way.
So what are the signs you are bitter and how can you stop this negativity from sabotaging the good life that you deserve?
Here are the signals that you should be aware of.
1. You think you deserve more than what you get – in life and love.
Do you often wonder why your coworker got that promotion and you didn’t? How about when a friend landed that cool job while you’re stuck with what you consider as a “boring” career? Do you feel envious when you see your friends with their romantic partners happy in their relationship? Do you feel like it’s you who should be enjoying a happier love life, not them since you think you’re the one who knows more how to love – and you believe it’s unfair that you’re just stuck and glued in “singlehood”?
It’s normal to want something that we think we deserve but the question is, what are the steps that you’re taking to really get them? Are you making the necessary effort to be worthy of that job upgrade? Are you working hard enough to hone your skills and finally get that dream job of yours? And are you really making big sacrifices and fearlessly facing all challenges to get the love that you want?
2. You don’t feel satisfied with your present achievements.
In relation to the first one, not feeling satisfied with life, in general, can be normal but if you have that constant feeling of being disappointed with what you have in every aspect of your life, then you’ll know something has to change.
Take life one step at a time. Every successful person took their time and just did their part in every stage of the path that they have chosen. Good things only come to those who work really hard for them.
If you’re not satisfied with your current job, do your best to impress your boss to get a promotion. If you’re not happy with the relationship you have with your significant other, be patient and constantly make efforts to grow that relationship into a stronger and more mature one.
3. You think everyone is out to get you.
Most people who take life from this perspective often think that everything people do is an elaborate plan to make them miserable. The truth is, even if the world is against you at times, there will always be people who will have your back.
Break all those walls that you have built around yourself and let people in. Have a little faith in others and give them a chance to show that they’re here to guide and help us out.
4. You don’t appreciate how good people treat you.
People who are bitter are often blind to how others love and care about them. Sometimes, they don’t even realize how good people treat them and would often go on a defensive stance when their friends try to give them a piece of advice.
Appreciate your friends and remember that their advice is not meant to harm you. They’re called “friends” for a reason.
5. You don’t acknowledge other people’s skills.
How many times have you told someone that they’re good at what they do? Our praises and commendations part of your vocabulary? When was the last time you gave someone the thumbs up?
There are billions of people around the world and even if you just get to meet hundreds of them, there will always be others who will be better than you in terms of skills and talent. It’s important that you accept this limitation and take inspiration from the more talented and skilled individuals that you meet.
6. It’s hard for you to congratulate your friends on their success.
Is it hard to have fun at someone’s celebration? How about hosting a party for a friend who just got promoted? Or just be there when your gang has finally closed that life-changing deal? Not being able to be happy about other’s success is a clear sign of bitterness.
If you are in this level of negativity, the best and only way to cope is to respect and admire anyone in your life who managed to fulfill their dreams. Take part in that celebration because you’ve also been a part of their journey.
7. You communicate to criticize, not to engage.
How are you in an argument or even just in a normal discussion? Do you converse to correct and impose your own ideas or do you listen and positively contribute to the conversation?
People can be competitive but individuals who feel bitterness either towards their own life or towards others have the tendency to dominate and destroy even in non-aggressive instances and neutral environments.
In conversations, whether it is a peaceful discussion or a heated argument, it is essential to have calmness when expressing your stance and respect towards the other person.
8. You dislike cheerful and confident individuals.
What do you think about your overly enthusiastic and cheerful friends? Do you find them annoying and not really that “fun” to be with? Does their positivity bother you to the point of disliking their mere presence? You’re not alone but it doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.
People are different in many ways but all of us equally suffer from what reality has to offer: failures, heartbreaks, frustrations, etc. However, not many of us have the ability to look at the bright side and still manage to smile despite the trials that we have to face every day.
Think of it this way: your cheerful and optimistic friends are one of the reminders that no matter how bad life treats you, it’s always the best choice to smile and just laugh it all out.
Learn to appreciate the things around you
Bitterness is an illness of the mind and the absence of the core values that define a happy life can lead anyone astray. However, it’s okay to feel the negativities around you but you have to snap out of them as soon as you can before it’s too late.
The only thing that you have to remember is to have the right appreciation of things and people. They are put in this life not only to make a better world but also to help you on your journey to true and genuine happiness.
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I’m too broken and hurt, so I’m sure I’m going to stay bitter it’s rooted in me and it also protects me. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one who’s dealing with this. (I’m 19 and I’ve had these feelings since age 10) I’m happy and smiley on the outside but inside is another story lol.
Well , we can be bitter ( Just talking about bitterness). Ultimately we all struggle in some measurements of bitterness. We were created and designed by God to enjoy life and to keep Growing.
Sometimes several different things hinder and our success.
I’ve tasted bitterness several times throughout my life.
I have grown considerably, considering we’re I have come from.
Yet there’s still more room for me to grow.
Bitterness isn’t something we get rid of once and for all.
It surfaces at different times in our lives, and for different reasons.
We all want more, We all wish to be successful.
God is faithful, even when we have been bitter and we seek help from Him and others.
I can’t relate to what you’ve gone through, but it seems obvious that people haven’t really ever treated you well. That’s horrible. But what’s more horrible is, not trying to sound cliche, living a life without happiness. You say you’re less lonely, but you also say that your life is joyless. I know you’re about to die, but it’s terrible. I don’t want you to die before getting out of the hellhole that seems to be your life. No matter what the reason is, to bring happiness to other people, or right wrongs on the planet, or just to live happily, I think we’re all alive for a reason. If you never experienced happiness before dying, that would be terrible. I realize that you’ve been hurting and you think that it’s better to be lonely and alone than hurt again or just unhappy, but I know you can be happy again. Anyone can. So even if you don’t have long to live, you can still turn your life around for now by going to therapy, or making friends online, or doing something to help people online. If you showed a want to be better, I think your best friend would take you back. Also, there are so many people out there that would just want the best for you and could care about you if you branched out. It’s hard to get out of depression and hopelessness, but somewhere inside, you’ve got to care about something. You’ve got to care about yourself and crave SOME happiness. Search for that and pull yourself out of this. Turn your life around. I know you can do this.
Too old. Too broken. Too bitter.
Too late.
I am not fit for company.
Evil people ruined me years ago.
Living alone in a shed on my parents’ farm for the rest of my days.
My bitterness drove my best friend away. I realize I no longer care.
Glad I’m unhealthy and don’t have long. This joyless farce will finally end.
The universe will finally spit out its chew toy.
Up yours universe. Up yours humanity. Smiling, back stabbing fakes.
Now that I’ve gone full misanthrope I am less lonely. I don’t need the people who rejected me either.
Joanna, I hear exactly what you are saying. I started out in life open, trusting, positive and the mother f’ckers came swooping in to take advantage. The compulsive liars philanderers, and other n’er do wells. It wasn’t just one. One after the other. And now I’m googling how to know if you are bitter! Pisses me off! So I will ‘work’ on not being bitter because, well, no one likes a bitter person right?
God loves you. People will fail but God never fails. He can heal your heart and soul
So what’s worse an abuse guy who gets drunk and does drugs or a guy who plays with figurines and video games? Is the second one really more of a “man” just because he has more of the “macho” qualities that society says are manly then the first one? If the first one is more responsible and knows how to take care of himself and his woman while the second one doesn’t then there’s your answer.
Until you have lived another person’s life, you have no right to put the blame on them. This typical of Christians. Not all because I am christian myself but the church always likes to blame the victim as if everyone’s life is supposed to be all rosey because theirs is. It must be nice to have that life.
Typical article putting the blame on the victim.
OK so is it society these days are we all capable of doing it on our own. Is there such a thing as marriage in these days within heterosexual relationships. Just wondering. My relationships always end bad.
I am a Christian, and one of the things that gets talked about a lot in the Bible, at least in the new testament, is how bitterness ruins your life, but not only yours, the people around you. It says a root of bitterness in your heart will spring up like a weed and corrupt many.
I came here looking for some clarity, because I think I might be bitter…which is not only bad because I’m a Christian and we aren’t supposed to do that, but because I don’t want to ruin my own life, or make anyone else bitter!
Thank you for the tips on how to tell if you’re bitter. I will be praying for God to heal me of my bitterness.
My Mom read me a thing on how God wants to be our healer and fix us, but how if we refuse to let go of our bitterness he will have to discipline us, and that would mean our lives would go wrong, like the article says, how it affects our other relationships and our ability to trust and let people be people. I don’t want that to happen to me any worse than it already has…
I don’t trust anyone like I did before. I can’t really feel positively about anyone without thinking they probably have something up their sleeve or think something bad about me. I can chock part of it up to genetically wired insecurities and abuse from narcissistic loved ones, but the other part of it is definitely me.
I really need to forgive and let this go. I just don’t want to be hurt again…and I feel like if I forgive and really don’t hold it against anyone, then I am setting myself up to be hurt again. I know that’s not really true, but it does make it hard. Saying that out loud (er… silently?) Makes it sound less horrible though.
B
Great post. Thanks for sharing, a good read and transparent. I appreciate you and your openness that has helped me better define how I’m feeling as a Christian realizing my bitterness and healing. Prayers to you.
Thanks for writing this. I realize now how bitter I am and how poorly I treat people who have been generous to me. I’m envious and jealous of them and always portrayed myself as a victim.
Your comment Jeannie, sounds exactly as I would say about myself. This article is spot on with how I’ve been nearly all my life. Sadly, only now I’m realising that’s my reality. Thank you for writing this article.
I’m extra bitter because this thing called life is a joke. Transgender people for instance, you think it’s a woman and what happens? You grab a set of nuts instead of a vjay. (And no this didn’t happen to me but just shows how screwed up the world really is). Now tell me what. Is there to be happy about?
Dude… first off, that’s transphobic. Also, idk what happened to you to make you so bitter, but there’s a lot of good in this world, and I’m not trying to be cliche. You’ve had to have encountered at least once good person in your life. If nobody cares about you, than that is really horrible and I’m sorry, but there’s good people, even if you haven’t run into one yet. Also, if you know a nice person, than you can treat them kindness and not be weird and you’ll get kindness back. And if you’re really out of options… just adopt a kid, there are plenty of kids abused in bad foster homes. They need someone to show them kindness, regardless of if their parent(s)’s financial circumstance is poor. But like, best wishes to you dude. Life isn’t happy when you’re bitter.
A lot of very mentally disturbed women everywhere nowadays that are always bitter with many of us good men, and these women really do need help very badly.
What good men? There are as many good men as there are mentally healthy women. If men did a better job at being men then the whole world would be in a better position. Men these day are big children, they are buying figurines aka Toys, watching cartoons/anime, wearing adult size children’s shirts for eg Star Wars shirts, playing video games etc. “Men” are repulsive and this isn’t even taking into consideration the fact that they will leave their children at the blink of an eye and all those fun things!! There are a few good men out there (that have also matured) and a few good woman but don’t make out that men are the victim of women because men bought it on themselves by failing to be men and they are just getting worse by not wanting to grow up at all.
So much negativity in one post..
But she is right
Me ? So you dated a pedo basically who plays with toys and abandoned you and your kids for his toys and therefor all men are like that? You were ATTRACTED to a man who wanted to wear a diaper and you hate men??? What does it say about you that you were evn attracted to such sleaze? have you ever done any introspection on that ? Of course not – you’re a female- but you came here to go off on someone else about how all men play with toys because you are attracted to childish freak shows. I cant imagine the level of infancy in real life; your lack of maturity shows.. I bet you stomp around hating men all day for why you attract pure losers… Well again, look at yourself. You attacrt what you are. Dont try to speak for all of mankind… you little crybaby.
Well said exactly
RIGHT , You are absolutely right. That’s all there is to say.
No she’s not right (I love how we assume she’s a female based on her obviously biased commentary)
Reality is BOTH men and women are negatively affecting society. I agree that Modern Men are weak and masculinity is dead BUT is that because of men? Where does feminism come in? Where women are empowered to be single mothers cause “they don’t need a man,” I personally know multiple girls who have kids because they want them, and don’t want a relationship with a man. That’s tragically irresponsible. Imagine being a boy growing up with a single mother, AND then being raised up in a school system that is predominantly run by women? And now with all the feminist propaganda on television and media, about how we live in a rape culture and a patriarchy, etc. how can you put a boy in that environment and NOT expect him to be confused as hell and even ashamed just to be masculine, which is his nature! Women have their share of problems, but even their problems I think largely stem from New age feminism to be honest. The family unit has been destroyed, and that is the building block of society. Feminism doesn’t encourage fatherhood or masculinity, and frankly. Feminism won the war. We live in a post-feminism society. It’s a disaster for all of us.
I agree men are selfish , narcissistic pathetic who run away at the first sign of commitment and hard work.
Whoa!! 😳
There is soo much anger and resentment in this post…
Very sad!
I hope you find a moment to smile somewhere in between all that negativity.
Wow. 😨 Toxic Pual says.
I’m guessing your emotionally immature. 🙈🙉🙊 pmsl 😂.
What an Toxic attention seeker 👎