Waiting to experience your first love? Or have you never entertained any suitor since you are waiting to see the signs of Mr./Ms. Right yet? Or probably you are looking for that person who has the qualities of your crush from a movie or novel. If you swore of only loving once in this lifetime—and it is when you meet that someone who would make you feel electrified the moment your hands touch or when your eyes meet—then it is a sign that you are a hopeless romantic.
It is not really bad to be a hopeless romantic—it makes your eyes sparkle and your heart hopeful that somewhere out there is someone who will give you forever. It is good to hope for the best in everything. However, too much of this could make you dysfunctional in romantic relationships. It makes you set too high standards that are not attainable in real life.
To help you find real love, here are some interesting tips for the hopeless romantic.
1. Minimize watching romantic movies and series.
Too many movies or television can affect your mindset about things. If you get too much exposure to romantic television shows or movies, it would create an impact on your vision about love—that it should be adventurous or fairytale-like. You would expect that your own love story would be as dramatic or exciting as those you see on the big screen.
However, real-world relationships do not work this way, darling. If you do not change your mindset, you could find your relationship boring or dull, because it is not ‘magical’.
2. Minimize reading romantic novels.
Tip #1 applies to novels as well. You may not be a movie addict, but if you read too many romance novels, then the same effect would happen to you. You would expect too much from your relationship and your partner. You would expect that s/he should be like the main character of your favorite novel—having the perfect qualities of an ideal boyfriend/girlfriend.
3. Get out of the fairytale world.
You have probably lived your childhood days on Disney princess’s shows or fairytale books. You need to understand that not all relationships end happily ever after. Besides, even if you ended up at a wedding, it would not guarantee a smooth and problem-free marriage life. Fairytale is just for kids.
4. Do not base your love life on signs.
Destiny may be true, but I believe you have your part in shaping your love life. You should not wait for Mr. or Ms. Right based on the signs you have asked from heaven. Who knows coincidences might happen, then you take them as answers to your prayers, only to find out at the end that s/he is the wrong one. A successful relationship is not about finding the right person for you—but it is about making yourself right for the person you have CHOSEN to be the right one. But, yes, of course, praying can help you choose the right person through divine wisdom.
ALSO READ: 5 Reasons Why You Should Not Wait for Your Soulmate
5. Know that true love is not characterized by sparks and magical moments.
True love is usually portrayed in movies and novels as something paraded by slow motion, sparks flying around, and electrifying moments. However, these feelings are only effects of too much attraction. That giddy feeling is only brought by infatuation. It takes time and knowing the person to see the real magic of true love.
ALSO READ: How to Identify True Love? 12 Clues to Watch Out For
6. Observe real-life couples around you.
Look around you. Observe long-time couples, especially those who have been married for many years. You will see that their relationships have worked not because they gave the sun or the stars to each other or took a bullet for their partner. It is all because they have worked out their differences and their commitment to each other is unconditional.
7. Understand that no love story is perfect.
There is no perfect relationship. Therefore, do not envy the love stories in novels or movies—or even those of celebrities. No matter how good a couple looks in public or how rich, good-looking they are, they can still have misunderstandings and problems. Look at how the fairy tale love story of Prince Charles and Princess Diana had ended. They had everything everyone could wish for.
8. Understand that no partner is perfect.
If you are looking for a perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, then you would end up growing old alone. No one is perfect, including you, so it would be unwise to set a high standard checklist for your dream partner—standards which you yourself can never perfect. Too much expectation would only lead to disappointment. Also, remember that love is unconditional, and it is not based on attractiveness, wealth, or popularity.
9. Do not compare your partner to fiction characters.
In connection to #8, you have to stop wishing your partner is like your favorite fictional character or celebrity crush. Usually, the characters you see on television or big screen, or those you read in novels are crafted according to the ideal partners of their target audience. Your dream guy or girl is only a fantasy, so wake up.
10. Be open to the possibility that a relationship may not last.
Of course, when you enter a relationship, you should be positive that it will last—and both of you should work hard to make it last. However, nothing is certain in this world. Until you exchange wedding vows, there is no guarantee you will end up with each other (even married couples could separate ways). You have to be open to this possibility to put limitations on how you give love. Some people who are too much in love give everything to their partner and leave nothing for themselves. When the relationship ends, they end up devastated—and with nothing.
11. Enter a relationship because you want to marry the person, not just to have a love story.
If you are only looking for love to experience romantic moments, then soon you would be bored and the relationship would end. Once the attraction spell wears off, the romance escapade in your relationship would not be that magical anymore. If you truly love your partner, this would not be a big deal to you. It is because you are after keeping him/her by your side for the rest of your life—not just mere romance.
12. Learn what true love is.
True love is least concerned with romance. It is unconditional. Meaning you can accept the flaws of your partner. It is selfless. You are not only after fulfilling your desires, but you want to take care of the person. Once you understand what real love is, you can be ready to enter a relationship, and you will be wise in making decisions regarding entering a relationship.
ALSO READ: 22 Signs of True Love in a Relationship
You create your love story
It is not bad to dream of having the best love story. The good thing is you have the power to get it. You have no control over the emotions of people and even circumstances. However, if your relationship is founded on true love, you can create the best love story together by how you care for each other.
Photo by Annie Spratt
I disagree that you should only get into a relationship if you want to marry the person. Some people desire romantic relationships that don’t last forever, because the point is to have a companion for the time being, not necessarily forever.