I have never met one person who hasn’t been stressed out because of their family. Some families are worse than others, but everyone has to deal with conflicting beliefs, habits, and behaviors on some level. If you are stressed out because of your family for any of the following reasons, you can use affirmations to help you overcome your anger, worry, frustration or fear that is causing the stress in the first place.
When Your Family Demands Too Much Out Of You
It’s always interesting that family members will demand things out of you that they don’t demand of themselves. For instance, a friend of mine has a mother who wants her to eat only whole foods, but her mother is constantly eating fast food. It’s a contradiction and it drives my friend nuts that her mother can expect something out of her that she doesn’t expect of herself.
People usually want the best for others and try to impose what they think is right on them, which is what her mother is doing. She knows that whole foods are good for her daughter, so she wants her daughter to eat them. She’s not thinking about herself, she’s thinking about her daughter and what control or influence she has over her.
I know it’s not right, but her mother has her best interest at heart – or, at least, what she thinks is her best interest.
Your family may demand that you:
- Get into a certain career.
- Carry a full day’s workload with no breaks.
- Get perfect grades.
- Be perfect.
But that doesn’t mean you have to do any of those things. Their expectations (usually unrealistic) come from THEM. Your thoughts, wants, needs, behaviors, habits, beliefs, and attitudes come from YOU. And that’s just the way it is, no matter how badly they want it to be different.
Until they can accept that, use one or all of the following affirmations to remind yourself that just because your family demands a lot out of you doesn’t mean you need to be perfect or live up to any unrealistic expectations they may have.
Affirmations To Use
- I do my best to be my best.
- I follow my heart and do what matters most to me.
- Perfection is not realistic.
- I can only learn and grow from mistakes and failures.
- What other people want for me is not necessarily what I desire.
- My happiness is more important than other’s unrealistic expectations.
When Your Family Doesn’t Understand You
I’ve always been different than the rest of my family. When I was young, and found out where meat comes from, I wouldn’t eat it. So, I made myself a vegetarian at the age of 5. I would sit at the table for hours not eating my meat and my parents couldn’t understand why. They just wanted me to be like them and I wasn’t.
It’s important to remember that ignorance holds people back from accepting things. They may not have had the experiences or feelings you’ve had, so they can’t begin to understand where you are coming from. They don’t think like you or see the world like you, so they can’t fully grasp why you do what you do or why you are like you are.
Their line of vision is based on their experiences and beliefs, and until they have an experience that helps them see things from your point of view, they may never understand you. So, don’t hold your breath that one day they will come around. Instead, use the following affirmations to stay strong even though you are different and are not understood.
Affirmations To Use
- I do what I do because it’s important to me.
- I make my own path in life and I’m proud of it.
- I do what makes me feel good.
- I am courageous enough to follow my own path.
- I am proud to be unique.
- Just because others do not understand doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
When You Want To Run Away From Your Family Forever
Most of the time, we want to run away from our family because we feel like we don’t belong and we want to be free to do our own things without judgment or criticism or control. In these cases, it’s a matter of taking our lives into our own hands, affirming to ourselves that we are who we are and they can’t affect that, and then living our best life despite what they think or how they act.
For example, a friend of mine has a family that most people would want to run away from. They are selfish, arrogant, and manipulative. As a kid, he had to put up with it, but as an adult, he just distances himself from them and sees them on occasion when he needs to. He used to struggle with them and get upset because they were so miserable and couldn’t change, but now he has accepted them for who they are and realized that they can’t affect him unless he lets them affect him.
Affirmations To Use
- They are my family and I will be there if they need me.
- They do not dictate my self-worth or happiness.
- I can’t change who they are but I can control how I react to them.
- I am SO happy I am not like them.
- I use their example to remind me of who I don’t want to be.
Sometimes, though, a family can be physical or emotionally abusive and that’s where affirmations won’t help. In fact, you should not affirm to yourself things like ‘This is just the way it is.’ In those cases, seek help for yourself through the police, help lines, or therapy. That will give you a place to start from and you can go from there.
When Your Family Won’t Listen To You
If you are trying to explain to your family what you want, what you believe in, or how they make you feel, and they won’t listen to you, then you are probably extremely frustrated.
In this case, your family probably thinks they are right, and they are unwilling to try to see things from another point of view or understand where you are coming from. This is sad, but it happens quite often. Too many people think that their beliefs are right and there is no other way to think or live, so they are unwilling to hear it.
It reminds me of ‘Crazy Jean’. She’s a woman in our town who thinks she is always right and, because of that, feels entitled to do things to people and say things to people that she has no right to do or say. If you try to explain anything to her, she talks over top of you because she doesn’t feel a need to listen to you – she’s right and that’s just the way it is!
You can always try to explain things differently. For instance, my parents wouldn’t listen to me when I talked to them, but when I would write them a letter and explain my feelings, then they had some time to think about it and see things from my point of view better. Maybe you could use video, text, or audio to help them hear you. You could also suggest seeing a counselor if you really want to work through the issues and find a way to communicate. But, if you try different ways of talking to them and they won’t listen no matter what, then you can’t let that dictate how you feel going forward.
In short, there is no talking to someone simply who won’t listen to you.
Affirmations To Use
- I can’t help people understand me if they are not willing to listen.
- I will not let myself get upset by someone who is unwilling to listen.
- I try my best to communicate how I feel and that’s all I can do.
When Your Family Treats Other People Better Than You
Why do people often treat other people better than they treat their families?
Many times this has to do with wanting to be respected or liked in the community. It’s just nicer to get along with people in the community or at work.
It also has to do with reputation and being treated the way we want to be treated. We don’t want Sally to tell Bob about how mean we are because he will tell Joan and then soon everyone will know that we are not who we pretend to be and no one will want to talk to us.
And lastly – and probably most likely – strangers are often treated better because if they weren’t they would respond in a very negative way. Most people don’t like confrontation because it is uncomfortable.
But, none of those reasons make it right to treat strangers or acquaintances better than family.
Your family should be the people who always treat you with love and kindness, so it’s important to remind them (and yourself) of that.
Often pointing out the fact that they treat other people better than you will help them become more aware of how they are acting around you. Working together to create better family values can really help you boost respect in the family.
But, as with all things, sometimes they just don’t get how their words and actions impact you, and sometimes they just don’t care because they are not compassionate enough to do so. They may not be willing to work on anything.
Affirmations To Use
- I deserve to be treated with respect from my family.
- I work on developing and upholding important family values.
- I am not afraid to let my family know when they are treating me poorly.
- If they knew better, they would do better.
Moreover, sometimes our family members can treat other members of the family better than they treat us. This happens a lot with siblings. One child will be treated with respect and compassion while the other child is judged, criticized, or controlled every step of the way. All you can do in this case is express your feelings and concerns in a respectful way and hope that they realize that they are hurting you.
Affirmations To Use
- I stand up for myself and communicate with respect to how I feel about favoritism and unfair treatment.
- I am honest with my feelings.
- I am worthy of love and respect.
- I can’t change people and how they choose to act.
- It’s their issue, not mine.
When Family Distances Themselves From You
Mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents may distance themselves from you at one point or another. Why? There are a million reasons and they all have to do with them and how they think and feel.
Sometimes it will be obvious. For example, a friend of mine was very close to his sister until she got married to a controlling man. Now he sees her once every two years even though they live in the same city. It’s obvious the husband is controlling her and she has accepted his control as a way of life.
Sometimes it’s not so obvious. For example, another friend of mine had a very close relationship with her cousin until one day she stopped calling and even stopped coming over for family gatherings. She never told anyone why, but she obviously had her reasons.
When this happens, it can hurt, but it’s often out of your control. If they choose to distance themselves from you, then it’s unlikely that something you say or do will change their minds. You can try to talk to them, but if that doesn’t work, you cannot demand that things be different than they are. That will keep you in a state of unhappiness and misery.
Affirmations To Use
- I cannot control how other people feel or act.
- It has more to do with them than it does with me.
- I accept that not everyone wants to be in a close relationship with me.
- I focus on relationships with people who want to be in a relationship with me.
When Family Is Doing Self-Destructive Things
Lastly, you may be stressed out because your family member is doing things that are hurting them in some way. Addictions, poor choices, and unhealthy relationships can be hard to watch in family members and cause a lot of stress on you as you worry about them. If you see that they are experiencing problems in their life, then it becomes even more stressful.
In this case, you should educate yourself around their issue. You don’t like what they are doing, but that won’t be enough to convince them to stop. You need to have information around their destructive behavior or choice so that you can effectively communicate why they are hurting themselves and how they can make better choices.
However, you are not always going to be able to help a family member to stop doing destructive things. Sometimes they need to go through things on their own before they come to a realization that what they are doing is hurting them and needs to be stopped. And, sometimes, they never come to that realization.
Affirmations To Use
- I do the best I can to help them see why they shouldn’t engage in destructive behaviors or make poor choices.
- I seek help for them when I can.
- I ultimately cannot control their choices.
- I do not let their poor choices affect my health negatively.
- I will not support their negative behavior.
- I am there for them if they want to change.
