Losing the person whom your world revolved around for months or years could be devastating. During the first few weeks, you may not be able to eat or sleep. You feel like there’s no more reason to go on in life, and you don’t know how to start living again. If you’re not strong enough, you could experience severe depression or even try to commit suicide — but hopefully, you don’t go this far.
However, no matter how hard you’re going through right now, be assured that the pain will go away. It may take months or years, but surely, time will heal all your wounds.
Letting Go and Moving On
Your situation is not hopeless. All you need to do is let go of the past and be determined to move forward to a better life. How to do these? Here are 8 not-so-easy but definitely helpful tips:
1. Stop reliving the past in your mind.
Yes, it is hard to forget fresh, painful memories, but with conscious effort, you can minimize its impact. Avoid thinking about your painful separation—and even your happy memories together (because they hurt more).
To do this, busy yourself with work or any task that can keep your mind occupied. Whenever you start remembering again, immediately find something else to focus on. Also, tire yourself out with physical activities so that when you go to bed at night, sleep comes fast without giving chance to reminiscence.
2. Don’t blame yourself.
It’s common for persons who have been broken up with to blame themselves. They think maybe they were not good enough, or probably their effort of making their loved one feel cared for was lacking.
Unless you have really done something bad to your ex and the breakup was clearly your fault, stop putting all the blame on yourself. Sometimes, people leave not because their partners are bad, but simply because they don’t complement each other.
In the case of infidelity, usually, the guilty party gets attracted to someone else not because that person is better than their original partner, but because they are caught by the thrill of meeting someone new.
3. Throw away or burn the stuff that makes you sentimental.
You know you’re still holding on if it is hard for you to let go of the things your ex gave you. Even if you keep on saying you’ve accepted that s/he is gone already, unconsciously, you’re hoping that person will be back. You want to keep everything that you used to share together because you want to believe things would be back to ‘normal’ someday—if s/he would come back.
If you really want to be freed from all the pain and move on for real, then challenge yourself to let go of the things that make you emotional. Seeing this stuff will keep reminding you of the past, so be brave enough to get rid of them.
4. Give yourself a break by staying out of touch.
If it’s too hard for you to forget that person, and there’s no chance of getting back together, then burn bridges—at least for now. It won’t be bad to be friends again someday, but now, keep yourself from the temptation of contacting or seeing him/her again. It won’t help you let go.
You can block your ex on Facebook and delete or block his/her mobile number from your contacts. Changing your own digits is not a bad idea too. Furthermore, stay away from places where there’s a possibility of you crossing paths.
5. Accept reality and stop wishing for time to turn back.
Denying the truth that your loved one is gone will make it harder for you. No matter how many tears you shed or how hard you cry, the situation will not change. Therefore, it’s better if you accept reality now so that you can focus on moving on.
Instead of wishing you could turn back time, why not hope for a bright future ahead? Set goals that can serve as your direction. Envision success and a happy life with the right person for you.
6. Go back and face the memories.
Many heartbroken people choose to move away to make forgetting easier. Another reason why hurting people leave a place is because of trauma. Walking on the same road where you and your ex used to walk together when going home, or passing by the park where s/he would have a picnic with you could bring you nightmares and unexplained fear.
Nevertheless, you can only completely move on once you have been set free from those painful memories. For this reason, once it’s bearable already, dare yourself to go back to those traumatic places and create new memories there. You will know you’re finally healed if you don’t feel any stinging sensation when in those places anymore.
ALSO READ: 10 Inspirational Tips to Heal a Broken Heart
7. Know your worth and that you deserve to be treated better.
If your ex had hurt you many times prior to your breakup, then that person is not worth your tears. Others will keep on hurting you if you don’t know how to protect yourself. Please know that you are worth fighting for. You have to see and believe how special you are so that you will not settle for anything less. Look for someone who will respect and be proud of you.
The person who made you feel bad about yourself did not deserve you, because s/he did not see your worth. Every time you miss him/her, just remind yourself that you deserve someone better. Be thankful that your relationship with that kind of person has finally ended.
8. Be the best for the best.
You want to end up with the best, right? No one is perfect, but you can find your perfect match. S/he is the person whose personality complements yours. Of course, you are hoping that this person meets your ideals.
Don’t just hope to be with someone who meets your standards. It would be selfish if you desire an almost-perfect person, but then you don’t work on improving yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be as well so that you can also meet the ideals of your future partner.
Move forward
Use your painful experience as a stepping stone towards becoming a better person. Don’t dwell in the past, but instead, strive to move forward and head to a successful future.
ALSO READ: 51 Inspiring Quotes about Moving On
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
Photo by Julian Jagtenberg
