Being hurt by the person you trusted the most is probably one of the worst feelings. The betrayal makes it hard to trust anybody again.
However, the worst part of being hurt by someone you loved so much is carrying the weight of hatred around. An unforgiving heart has no peace, and moving on becomes more difficult. If you don’t release forgiveness to the person who hurt you, then you would be in bondage to anger and pain for as long as you don’t let go.
Choose to forgive
You can’t live a happy and peaceful life without forgiveness. The painful memories of what the person did to you would haunt you forever, and it won’t make you feel good. That is why you should intentionally choose to forgive.
It may seem impossible to forgive the person who has made you miserable, especially if the wound is still fresh, but with willingness, you can surely do it.
Here are tips that can help you forgive the person who broke your heart. Try them with persistence and prayers and they will surely work.
1. Try to be reconciled with the person.
This does not necessarily mean that you would be back in each other’s life. As civilized people, try to talk things over. This way, both of you would be able to express thoughts and heartaches. This may be necessary for proper closure of whatever relationship you had—in case there’s no chance to restore it.
Being able to express your sentiments to the person involved can help you be freed from resentment. With this, you can release forgiveness sooner.
2. Decide to forgive daily.
Forgiveness does not happen overnight. Wounds take time to heal, so you need to be patient in the restoration process. This does not mean you have to wait for your wounded heart to be healed to forgive the person who caused you pain. Just like love, forgiveness is a choice.
When you wake up each morning, convince yourself that you have already forgiven him/her. Even if you don’t feel it yet, believe that you are in the process of getting there.
3. Pray for the person.
Blessing the person who hurt you through prayers is understandably hard. Of course, it is not easy to pray for good things to happen to someone you resent, because deep inside you think s/he doesn’t deserve them.
However, believe it or not, this act of humility and selflessness will bring you greater benefits. You may not realize it, but actually, your heart towards the person is gradually changed. As you pray for that someone sincerely, God helps you see him/her through His eyes—and your hatred is slowly turned to compassion. This will result in inner peace.
4. Stop thinking about how the person hurt you.
Constantly remembering the past makes it hard to let go and forget. As you keep on reminiscing how you got hurt, your resentment is being reinforced, and your anger keeps growing.
To stop this from happening, control your mind and filter your thoughts. Whenever the memory starts to creep in, consciously shun it away and find something else to focus on. Forgetting becomes easier, and forgiveness follows.
5. Focus on the positive side of the person.
Instead of looking at the negative traits of the person who hurt you, decide to focus on his/her brighter side. If the person was able to cause you so much pain, it means s/he was—or is—someone you value much. For sure, s/he has good qualities that you like.
Remember the good things that person did to you. Probably there were times s/he made you happy. Maybe s/he is not really an entirely bad person, and you can tell it. With these good thoughts in mind, releasing forgiveness will be easier for you.
6. Think that you’re not perfect too.
Forgive, because you have been forgiven. Being gracious to someone becomes easier if you understand that you are treated with undeserved grace as well. If God has forgiven your sins and failures countless times, then how could you not grant that forgiveness to a fellow human who wronged you?
You are not perfect and you also commit mistakes. You could have even hurt that person too. Therefore, forgive just like how you want to be forgiven every time you fail.
7. Don’t regret anything, but be thankful for the lessons.
Bad experiences are usually painful, especially when you have been hurt by a loved one. However, don’t regret letting that person into your life. S/he could’ve hurt you, but surely you’ve also shared good moments together.
Be thankful for the good memories and lessons you’ve learned with that person. Don’t wish you never met him/her.
8. Forgive for yourself.
One of the reasons why you would want to forgive is yourself. Forgive, because you want to be free from the burden of resenting someone and you deserve peace. Forgive, because you want to move on and you deserve to be happy. You don’t want to be entangled in pain and bitterness forever.
Forgiving is one of the signs that you are already moving forward. Therefore, strive to achieve this goal in the shortest time possible.
9. Find your own happiness.
When you see that the person who hurt you is happy while you’re still miserable, it makes you bitter. Inside, you’re crying out that life is unfair. You think that you deserve to find happiness before s/he does. Of course, it is a normal reaction to want the one who caused you pain to experience the suffering you went through—even more. However, even if this happens, it won’t guarantee your own happiness.
Therefore, instead of looking out for how it goes with the person you resent, focus on being happy. Happiness is not a competition. If you want to be truly happy, you will be compelled to forgive and let go of all resentments.
Restoration
No matter how much you’ve been hurt, there’s still a long way ahead of you. That’s why you should not stay down for a long time. Get up, and continue the journey. Time heals, and with prayers, your soul will be restored just in time for greater breakthroughs. For this reason, let go of all the weights slowing you down by forgiving whoever broke your heart.
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Photo by Anna Demianenko
wow wow wow ,honestly ur every replies av given me a chance to leave a better life ,well relationship is not what u be in with heart of been scared ,been grateful or trying to please one person, it a commitment both party av a role to play.Now talking about love ;love is that feeling u personnally cant explain ,u just feel it within ur heart .TNKS
Hi my name is Mandy just found out that my husband of 30 years for the last few months been on single sites and on messenger and on chat app I can’t believe he has done this to me I am so broken but he tells me that never met up with anyone and hasn’t spoken on the phone I don’t want to lose him I love ❤️ him so much but I am just feeling like my world has been turned up side down I feel like I am grieving how do I move on from this he is so sorry for hurting me
This seems pretty obvious to me.
You cheated to test the bounds of The other. First, you need therapy. Two, If the victim takes you back, I hope that you both enter therapy
I got hit by two tons of bricks. My stepsons’s roommate called us on Mother’s Day to tell us he passed away in his sleep. He called my wife’s number who was sitting down to view the Sunday mass via the church’s YouTube channel so she handed me the phone to take the call.
Obviously I took the message and everything went haywire from there as she asked me to call our daughters and let them know. During one of the calls I noticed a pending Facebook Messenger message from someone in our past that she had cheated with about 20 years back. That was my second ton of bricks that day.
As we were making arrangements to travel to Arizona that day, I told my wife that I was aware if the text and that it was not the time to go over the situation that we needed to discuss. While I tried to put this aside during the time to make final arrangements it was difficult so I brought it up anyways and as I suspected I was called a cruel person for bringing it up “at this time”.
At the end of the day, I gained access to the messages after we returned home and was devastes you find out, the back and forth texting had been going on for three years. There was no physical cheating as we live across the country from this individual. But 20 years ago when my wife traveled for work they had a physical relationship. They were high school sweethearts. It almost ended our marriage then.
I’ve gone on too long on this message but just to say I’m struggling right now…After the first betrayal my view of humanity changed and I recognize I’m not as trusting as I was, more cynical, less patient. Now this. I feel a pain in my heart and an empty feeling within my soul.
I think forgiveness is really not a ‘one-off’ thing. I can forgive today but sometimes the negative thoughts come back tomorrow. Forgiveness is deliberate and requires daily practice… something that should be enforced every day.
It’s not easy. Nevertheless, the more I forgive; the happier I am 🙂
Fundamentally you’re flawed if you believe that all romance will always be bonded between two people. Did you date one person and get married? If you did it’s because you’re weak and codependent which is a massive flaw in yourself, not others. So did you magically change DNA? Nope. You just stopped trying to please and understand your partner and as such you grew apart giving someone else a place to slide into the void you helped create. Why did you do that? You did it because you felt it wiser to be resentful and bitter over something petty until it became something major. You literally let a grain of sand grow into a mountain and so did your spouse. You are both at fault for laying the corner stone of relationship failure. You both fed that mountain. How you got to failure and the consequences are moot. You’re there now. You have a choice to either heal and get past your ego and resentment which may give you a path to reconciliation if they are willing to do the same work too. Or you can continue being a petty idiot, a victim, a crybaby and selfish. It amazes me how people can endorse and aggrandize something they would hate having done to them if they made the same mistake. Supposed “Christians” in name claim only, not real ones who actually do what the Bible says, are the absolute worst about this! Instead they lay prostrate on the mantel of victim ideology so they can have the sympathy of total strangers to fuel their resentments and ego for a false sense of validation. We’ve all met them online, in the airport, at a bar etc… Worthless people who couldn’t get out of their own head long enough to grow up and get over it. Instead they’ll waste the rest of their lives being bitter ugly people secure in their false notions and frail ego drinking there own poison waiting for others to die from it. If any of this truth stings, you’re the one that needs to change, not others! Get sober. Stop running away from reality. Stop hanging with enablers and sympathizers. Get a grip on facts not feelings. Remember that your feelings are falsehoods you programmed into yourself to feed your own petty selfish ego driven view of life. F**k your feelings! Grow up. Heal. Stop feeding your resentments and they’ll disappear. Imagine how great the world is when you finally live with your eyes and mind open. If you can’t do that, just roll over and die already. Your value to the world is null and void. You will grow into a withered old husk of a former human which no one will want or miss. That’s a fact and you’ve met those people too. If this offends you, go take a long hard look in the mirror…you are the problem! You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can ever consider saying a thing about anyone else! In the end, all you control is YOU.
agree
The grass may always appear greener but, it never is. You not only cheated him, you cheated yourself.
The way it changes everything, the way you think and feel, is no accident … IT IS the price one pays IF they choose to cheat.
This is learning the hard way bc you can never return to how it once was. Wish all you want, it’s done.
You can never really fully pre-magine how miserable you (and them) are about to become until you make that mistake.
It becomes, as if, invisible yet, oh so heavy luggage … you can never set it down. It will never leave your mind, nor your soul.
Lifelong baggage with consequences.
People know, are warned all the time to not do it, that it isn’t worth it, but there will always be those that do it anyway.
Again, the aftermath is their price to pay, continuously.
Now you can only pray to forgive yourself for the damage that remains and the suffering you caused another.
That’s it, in a big nutshell.
Man you are so right. My love of my life when we were 17 cheated on me with a man she never knew ever and after got dropped off at my house and lied about cheating and had sex with me the same night and than she confessed and blamed alcohol and I’m now 37 and every day of my life this bothered me more than anything and still does but now she is older and we’re still together with two kids and she never ever did anything like cheating at all and even so this bothers me still all these years later. Love definitely hurts. I love this girl more than anything and it just makes the pain hurt that much more. I’m sure if she could take it back she would but you can’t so if you never cheated plz never do unless your done with that person for 110 percent cause breaking someone’s heart last a life time. I forgave her and I never did her wrong even through she did me but that pain of hurt still hurts me the same now as the night it happened over 20 years ago!!
I am not religious and I Think that forgiveness is a socially imposed behaviour aimed at reconciliation between human groups. Well I don’t think it to be such a necessary trait anymore. People who tend to negatively judge those who won’t or can’t forgive are usually the abusers of someone else or have personal benefits involved in the pleaded reconciliation or have never been so deeply emotionally wounded.
I do firmly believe that some offences are and should be unforgivable. Humans do not always recognize their wrongs unless you show them the consequences in a mercyless manner. I am not talking about bitter revenge, just disgusted leaving.
I disagree. I was in an abusive marriage with a man who cheated constantly and tried to destroy me. Once I got out, I worked on forgiving him and the day I woke up and realized I 100% forgave him was a freedom that healing needed within me. It made me strong enough to go on and the ability to forgive has been a blessing. My resentment was holding me hostage and that’s just hell
Agreed go
How do I forgive my husband of 9yrs, dated for 7yrs .we visited spenth 16yrs of our life together. We had issue concieving after we got married. He is always encouraging me to wait on the Lord whenever I am bothered that the Lord will visit us at appointed time. Just found out few months back that he has 3 sons ages 5, 3 and 1 plus from another woman.He denied it when I confronted him. I had to force do truth out of him. I requested 4 a divorce but he isn’t forthcoming. He has been begging for my forgiveness but I just feel so miserable and bitter towards him Cz of d level of deception
I recently broke my boyfriends heart. I cheated on him on valentines day night after we had spent the whole day together. I don’t know why I did it. I really don’t because we were in love and for about 3 years now. There wasn’t any real problems before this happened I cannot think of one reason as to why I did this this stupid careless idiotic thing. I told him out of guilt and shame I felt. I still want to be with him and I thought I never would be able to live with myself if I didnt tell him. So I told him 2 days later. He was and is still crushed. This was so unexpected from me. I give him all my love every single day and we have the happiest life. We were about to move in together soon. We have 2 dogs together and a cat and fish I’m so completely in love with him and our happy lil life… I just don’t know why I did it :((( I tainted our pure pure love. And now I’m afraid he will never look at his perfectly imperfect baby girl the same ever again. I humiliated him. I caused him so much pain on top of all the pain he already has. I was the one person who he thought would never hurt him and he would never hurt me so I just cant believe or wrap my head around my mistake. It was out of no where. It was a 20 minute moment of weakness. And that moment is going to define me for the rest of my life. I did not do this intentionally. I was arguing with myself if I should have even told him or not because I thought it would make me feel better but in fact I actually feel worse for causing him so much pain. These were not my intentions I never wanted to make him feel like this?? and after all of this he forgives me. Or so he says. I know it doesn’t happen over night this might take some real time to forgive. But I’m just hoping we get there because I love this boy so much. I feel so dumb and embarrassed I did it. And so does he he feels dumb and embarrassed. He feels like he did something wrong when in fact he does nothing wrong I dont want to say he is the perfect boyfriend but he’s pretty damn close to it and I didnt realize that until now. I feel like I’m a monster how could I do this to my baby. Our love is tainted and I feel like all the future plans and ideas we had in our head for our future is just all on hold and he maybe wont be thinking of it for a long time. My baby deserves better I know. He 100% did not deserve this. I’m humiliated too. But I know our love is real it was once pure do you think we can get back to those happier times. Were falling from cloud 9. Crashing from this high. And it’s all my fault. I’m beating myself up pretty good because I’m a good person who did a really bad awful sh*tty a**hole thing. To the person who would never cause any harm to me in my life. I do t deserve his love but I feel like I can make it up to him but I feel like all I bring him his sadness when he looks at me. How could the person who made him so happy once make him so sad. I’m a heart breaker and I broke my own heart in the process. I regret it with my whole heart and I just want to love him and tell him I love him and hug him and also give him the time to heal and forgive me. He’s amazing to forgive me so quickly but I know I threw a wrench into the gears of his life. He will never forget this. I’m afraid he will always have this in the back of his mind when were older and have kids. We had our whole future ahead of us and now its like it’s still there but feels further and further away everyday. I just wish I hadn’t done it and I wish I didnt tell him. What can I do from here on?
Brinlee:
I just happened on your post today. I thought it was the love of my life writing this. She did to me what you did to yours. It NEVER leaves a mans mind. And to make it worse, my wife and I had only ever been with each other. Now for the rest of my life I have this horrible nightmare to live. Especially when we are intimate. At the beginning my first thought is how could she have done what she did. And the pain is still nearly unbearable. She too doesn’t know why, can’t believe she did it. Twenty minutes that changed our lives forever.
I am on the other side of it. I am the boyfriend who after seven years of dating (we are older with kids from previous marriages) found out that my girlfriend had cheated on me with somebody else. It’s really hard to get over. The guy she cheated with is a serial cheater and told her he was separated from his wife. He wasn’t. She slept with him twice. I have trouble getting the visuals out of my head. I love her and pray every night for the Lord to take away my pain. She knows she messed up but tried to justify it because I had some bedroom issues and tried watching porn to make me feel better. I stoped one and saw a diff doc. They have since resolved and were related to low T. The shame is you can’t unsleep with someone. You will need to make him feel extra secure and may have to work extra hard. If he is worth it you may have to remind him of how much you love and care about him in his times of sadness. You should offer to let him track you and give him all passwords to your social media. If you can’t be an open book he is not the guy for you. The bottom line is rebuilding that trust will take a long time. You need to put the work in to get his confidence back. The sad part is there are a lot of men who look for a woman who is vulnerable to sleep with them. They won’t be there for the long term and dealing with you daily. They will use you and move on to the next girl. Unfortunately they leave your current relationship in shambles. It sucks but most men have that view. Ladies if you have a mostly good relationship, cherish that. Don’t feed into temptation in a weak moment. You will regret it and feel shame and remorse. Good luck and I hope you can regain your boyfriends trust.
There is some missing context here, who was the other person on Valentine’s day and what led up to it?
I left my last 2 girlfriends because one admitted that she had a sugar daddy the whole time we were dating and the other never sexually cheated on me but I caught her emotionally cheating on me with one of her so called friends. I personally would have left immediately, because that is the biggest form of disrespect possible. The fact that he forgave you so quickly makes me think that now it’s ok for you to keep doing it honestly, perhaps he is a cuckhold, you might have gotten lucky?
my fiance and i have beeen dating for 9months now bt i never once suspected anything not until i liked a particular pics of 3kids on his IG PAGE and he was so angry then i decided to do some investigation on that pics, then i dscovered he was d father of dos three kids, i asked him bt he turned it to a fight and denied it , i asked if he knew the mother, he said she was his ex, not knowing they were still seeing 。i gave him a surprise visit on his bday,only 4 me to call him i was downstairs and he came to meet me that i cudnt go upstairs which he never did b4。we argued it and it turned to a fight and i knew it was the mother of dos three kids who was upstairs。i left that night to my cousins,cos i actually travelled down to see him bt i cudnt go back that night。NOW he has been calling me to 4give him and he really wants me back because he not legally married to this lady nor has he paid her bride price
should i Accept him back or not
If he lied to you once, chances are, he can or will, lie again.
He makes for a weak foundation, really holds no strength to be found.
Why would you want to purchase misery for yourself?
He needs to take care of his kids.
You can spend your life looking at him while thinking to yourself, “Is he lying to me again?” with every statement he provides to you. The trust is shot.
That is no way to live, but it’s your choice to make.
I wouldn’t ever acknowledge his existence again, but that’s me.
It’s easy to forgive, but it’s the forgetting that’s a real problem.
I don’t know you. I have not ever experienced this, but remember the child is innocent. I think it would make you feel better if you we involved when he deals with mother . Love the child , the child is innocent. You must also ask yourself, if this is truly something that you can accept. If not you have to make some personal decisions. Because the creator does not want us to be in constant pain. Please don’t take offense, I am a disciple of Christ. I never even comment. I hope this help.
My husband cheated on me for two years without knowledge. And then had a baby later. The lady told me bc I husband wouldn’t. My husband said it was a one night stand and I accepted the kid but it’s hard for me to not remember what he did to me. Especially knowing he had an actual relationship with the girl. The baby is real and they still talk. How do I let go of that. It’s been 3 years now and I still cry about it. But my husband doesn’t want to divorce me. I thought it would be best but he said it wouldn’t. The things I discover everyday , or he’s talking with the girl makes me so angry. I thought I could do this but it’s taking me forever. What do I do? Please help 😫😥😪
Leave him, he has and still is abusing you. He is using your love for him to manipulate you.
How dare he ask you to accept all of that? You deserve so much better.
Leave him.
My husband cheated on me after 15 years together and only told me cos she got pregnant we lived separately for 1 year in that time he convinced me his life was with me so I let him move back in then 2 years later he literally just walked out on me and our son and went back to her ! In my opinion leave now before you waste any more of your life on him. Concentrate on healing yourself it’s taken me 5 years and it still hurts everyday tho I know In my heart my life is 100% better today
I met a guy and we have been dating since three years but when we first met he lied to me that he’s not married but he has two kids after one year God revealed everything to me that he’s still together with the mother of his kids I tried to ask him but he denied until one faithful day when he told me that he was travelling for business not knowing that he went to the mother of his kids and I got to find out that they’re still together.I am very disappointed and I don’t know what to do .
Start with making your own decisions about your own feelings. How can your husband say what is best for you? It sounds like you are not resolved. Perhaps you can’t live with the fact that he created another family behind your back, a huge transgression. Do what is best for you! Sounds like that is what your husband does.
you marry me joan
I have been battling with a situation with an ex who broke my heart. It took me almost a year if not so to forgive him, I only found I was able to do so after I was in full control of my happiness. I forgave him and gave our relationship another try and now he scared to love whole heartedly afraid I will hurt him as he did me. I feel there is no trust but we do care for eachother. I don’t know what direction to go any advice?
Nice post Joan! It isn’t that simple to forgive someone who broke your heart but as you said, doing this will give you peace and calmness.
Misha