What does it mean to be emotionally immature? At some point in our life, we may have raised this question as we ponder to ourselves. We question our ability to feel emotionally secure and mature when we handle our relationships, and it’s alright to feel unsure.
Usual expectations are that as a person grows older, they also mature with age, but that’s not always the case with other people or even with yourself. What is maturity? Is it the ability to file taxes and raise children? Am I emotionally mature when I freely cry in front of others?
Emotional maturity is not that difficult to achieve, but the steps to get there can be confusing especially if one isn’t willing to admit that they are not. Because of that, we have concocted a list of ten healthy ways to identify the signs and stop being emotionally immature:
1. Never use emotions as a weapon.
It is never okay to use your emotions as a weapon in an argument. Using emotions is like cheating because you’re basically blackmailing or guilt-tripping the other person into surrendering, with you ending up as the winner in the argument. If you’re caught in a lover’s quarrel, never conjure up tears for the sake of winning.
Instead, exercise your mind and think logically. Do not allow for your emotions to take over and impair your judgment. Count to ten until you feel your feelings reach a lower level before you say anything that you might regret or impose unfairness on your partner.
ALSO READ: 10 Ways to be More Mature in a Relationship
2. Don’t be afraid of your own feelings.
You are a human being, and you are allowed to feel and be entitled to your own emotions. Be honest with yourself and try your best to figure out what you really want, but if you can’t, that’s alright too. It’s normal to feel confused and lost because what’s important is that you are aware that these are what you are feeling.
Shutting your feelings and emotions in a box and throwing away the key may sound like the perfect plan to not get hurt, but it’s not beneficial in the long run. This will hinder your growth as an emotionally stable person and tear you away from any relationship depth.
3. Dare to speak your mind.
Once you have figured out within yourself that you are indeed acknowledging your emotions, then don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Let others know how you feel, how their words, actions, or even your own emotions made you feel towards them. It may come naturally to your person if you shy away, but do your best to step out of your comfort zone.
Growth means being vulnerable to others. A flower grows out in the open, daring any obstacle that may come in its way, but at the same time, it can reach out to the sun and receive the rain, helping it bloom to the best version of itself. The same thing goes with people. Dare to speak and dare to bloom!
4. Don’t give the silent treatment.
It’s understandable that in any relationship, fights will erupt, whether serious or not. How you handle these lovers’ quarrels is what determines your emotional maturity. Do you shy away, shutting your feelings and preferring to give the silent treatment until the other caves in and apologizes, or are you one to speak your side and talk things over?
The silent treatment is never a good solution to a fight. Why? Because not talking doesn’t solve anything, instead, it will only make the situation worse. If your partner gives in and apologizes, this will not help you grow because you will get used to things going your way, and that is never good.
5. Acknowledge other people’s feelings.
Being emotionally mature means acknowledging other people’s feelings and their existence. It’s nice to remember that other human beings live on this planet with you and have their own set of feelings. They think differently from you and will not always agree, but that’s okay.
It’s best to note that no matter how heated an argument gets, you acknowledge their value as a person and that their feelings are valid too. You let them speak out how they feel about the situation and their own solutions for it. You can never advance in any relationship if only your emotions are being considered.
6. Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary emotions.
It takes many guts to hold one’s emotions, especially in situations where you want to thrash out all around, throw things, and say hurtful things towards your partner to spite them. These fights don’t usually end well when one person makes permanent decisions based on only temporary feelings.
Before you let your anger go up to your head and declare right then and there that you’re breaking up with your boyfriend, try to get a moment to ask yourself: is this what I really want, or am I just saying this because this is how I feel right now? Better to think about it now that you lose a special person completely.
7. Remember that it’s not all about you.
The last thing to do to be an emotionally mature person is to remember that it’s not all about you. If one didn’t learn empathy as a child, it’s not too late to learn. We all make mistakes, but it doesn’t mean we can never rise to be better than we are now.
Being emotionally mature means three things: knowing yourself and your true emotions, controlling your feelings and thinking of others. Out of the three, the last one is the most important because being emotionally mature means thinking of other people, not just yourself.
We consider how our words will affect others, our actions, our decisions, and how we deliver our emotions to others. There is a big feeling of consideration and caring for other people living amongst us. And if only the rest would take a moment to evaluate this within themselves, then the world will be a better place.
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