Not all those that we love are for keeps. While there are the lucky ones who find the love that lasts, there are also some who bump into a great love along the way, only to lose it after a matter of time. You cannot really put the blame on anyone when it comes to love that didn’t last. It’s because sometimes, it’s not meant to be, no matter how hard you fought for it.
Learning to stop loving someone you know you “truly love” is probably the most difficult lessons in life, as nobody deserves to reach this point. But yes, there are instances when you just wake up and realize that it has already happened, even if you try to deny it.
Can you really stop loving someone you truly love? Sadly, it’s possible. How? You may want to take a look at these scenarios:
1. When you finally see no reason for continuing the love.
They say true love means allowing each other to grow. Indeed, you grow and become more mature each day, but the time also comes when there’s nothing to go beyond your limit. There are times when you and your partner get stuck in a limbo, with nobody wanting to move or make an effort to progress. You no longer think about things that you two can do as a couple. You no longer think about what makes each other happy, comforted, or emotional. And on your side, when you no longer see your partner as a daily inspiration to live, that may be a sign that you’ve just stopped the love.
This doesn’t mean that you no longer value the person; it’s just you now see him or her from a different perspective, no longer via the lens of love and commitment.
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2. When you begin to value yourself above your “true love.”
When you truly love someone, you’d think about their welfare first before yours. However, there also comes a point when you find yourself thinking more about your own welfare, i.e. the things that make you happy and contented at the expense of that person. This is likewise a sign that your feelings for your partner are starting to fade away too.
This also happens in unrequited love; there are times in your life when you think you have found “the one,” and continue adoring this person even if they could not reciprocate your feelings. But as time goes by, the way you adore this person becomes less and less, until you realize that you have just let go of whatever feelings you brewed for this person.
3. When the memories are no longer worth the fight.
Sometimes we hold on to the person because of all the memories we’ve shared. There were the good times, and the bad times, and the problems resolved after a million or so of fights and misunderstandings. But as human beings, we get tired too. Our hearts grow weary too. And yes, the weariness can be consuming, it tells us to stop fighting and drop everything once and for all.
When you no longer care about the memories and feel toxic with the way the present is treating you, your partner, and the relationship you have, then most likely you have already ended the love. Other things, such as respect, courtesy, and gratitude may still be there, but love, not so much anymore.
4. When you are starting to see the future alone.
There are also times when, despite caring heavily for this person in a romantic manner, you start looking at your future alone. You begin building dreams for your own satisfaction, such as traveling to different places, studying new skills, or applying for a new job. But all these aspirations do not involve anybody else but yourself, and you don’t care if your partner joins you or not. In fact, you prefer to do all these things on your own, without him or her by your side.
5. When the saying “first love never dies” doesn’t ring a bell anymore.
There’s a popular cliché that says, “first love never dies.” Perhaps it’s one packed with the most memories and most lessons learned, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to continue loving your first love. If this adage no longer triggers your heart, then it only means that you have fully moved on from that past love.
This is also an indication that you are now more than ready to face what lies ahead, may it be a new adventure, or finding the one that’s destined to be with you for keeps.
6. You are no longer bitter.
Most of the time, we are angry and bitter over a lost love because we’re still not over it. And yes, despite all the pain, we still love the person. But the opposite of love is not hate or anger or bitterness; rather, it is apathy. And when you start to show no sign of any emotion about a love that didn’t go well in the end, then it’s most likely that you have already gotten rid of all whatever affection you used to have for that person.
In a nutshell
Love is a feeling, a very strong emotion that you devote to another person. But truly loving someone also involves commitment, sacrifice, and compromise. If these three things are no longer included in the way you devote yourself to the person you know you love, then perhaps your feelings are starting to change.
Stopping yourself from loving the person you “truly love” is possible, but the choice to take this course is still in your hands. You have the choice to keep the fire and passion burning, or go ahead and accept that your feelings are already fading.
You don’t have to fret, though, as not all loves are worth the fight, and not all fights are worth the love. But here’s one thing worth remembering: there’s always a lesson learned after a love that has gone. Savor it. Save it. And use it once you stumble upon the one that’s truly meant for you.