The best thing about having a romantic love for a person is when he/she is able to return the same feelings to you. But how about the ones who don’t? The ones who weren’t given back the love they have for a certain person. Surely, it’s heartbreaking. Falling into an unrequited love is like a nightmare and you wish you could wake up from it in an instant. And what is worse than that? It is your friend you have feelings for. A friend who’s always been your best buddy in good and rough times.
It’s a stage in our life where your endurance with this kind of pain and how you handle it are being put to test. Many people experience this, and yes, you’re not the only one facing this challenge. To get over this unrequited love for your friend, we have here 10 tips for you.
1. Make sure your feelings are valid.
Having special feelings for someone whom you’ve been with for a long time leads you to the pit of confusion. Questions are circling in your head. You’ll be asking yourself of what is it that you feel. Is this a real love or just a mere attachment? So, first and foremost, ensure that what you feel for that person is love and you want to have a romantic relationship with him/her. Make sure that you’re not just misinterpreting his/her care towards you because what you’re risking here is your friendship.
2. Allow yourself to grieve.
The pain of having unrequited love for a friend is undeniable, knowing that what you feel is real. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back breaks your heart and worse, he/she is the one whom you spent a lot of good memories with. The best thing that you could do at the moment is to allow yourself to feel that pain. Scream. Cry as much as you like. Pour out the emotions that you’re trying to keep for a long time because it’s normal, there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t mind the others who will try to stop you from doing it. It’s you who knows what you really feel inside.
3. Put a distance between the both of you.
Putting a space between you and the one you love doesn’t mean that you have to block him/her on your phone or entirely ignoring him/her. Keep in mind that this space will just protect you from hurting too much without completely pushing that someone away in your life. You could take some time off from hanging out with him/her or create excuses to not see him/her. This will actually help you in your healing process. This way, you’ll be more focused on other things especially with yourself.
4. Don’t blame yourself.
Being hurt will start to make you blame yourself for everything. You’ll begin to have doubts and insecurities. You may think that you aren’t good enough for him/her, even though you’ve been with each other for a long time, or tend to criticize yourself for not loving you back. Know that this is no one else’s fault. Not your friend’s and definitely, not yours.
5. Learn to love yourself more.
Since you’ll have some me-time, this will be the right time to focus on yourself and learn to love it even more. Have a new hobby or travel to that place you eagerly want to go to. Distracting yourself by doing the things you enjoy the most will give you the time to breathe on this heartbreaking moment. Take this bad experience as a lesson for you to take steps to become a better version of yourself.
ALSO READ: 40 Ways to Love Yourself
6. Meet new friends.
Perhaps, one of the things for you to overcome this kind of love towards your friend is to meet new people and befriend them. This will divert your thoughts on that matter. It will make you realize that you shouldn’t isolate your friendship to that certain person alone. Build friendship with others so that the attachment will lessen and that you still have other friends to rely on.
7. Talk with someone about your feelings.
Have a talk with someone about what you feel and your thoughts. It could be a friend or someone from your family whom you can trust. It is also important to ask for pieces of advice from them on what you should do. It is better if he/she had the same love problem. No one could understand what you’re going through but the person who has been in your shoes before and successfully overcame the same thing.
8. Maintain your friendship.
Probably the worst thing that could happen for having unrequited love for your friend is not the love being unreciprocated to you but losing him/her completely as a friend. Shattering the friendship you built for a long time is much more heartbreaking than being rejected.
To avoid reaching up to this extent, talk to him/her about your feelings. It will be for sure a torture for you but there’s no way other than that. Express your feelings towards him/her but let him understand that you want to keep the friendship you have and as much as possible, maintain how you treat each other before. Your romantic love for him/her shouldn’t be a reason to break your bond as friends.
9. Accept that your relationship is nothing more than a friendship.
Acceptance is the most important thing to do but also the toughest one. You must accept the fact that your relationship with each other will be nothing more than a friendship only. Since you grew romantic feelings for him/her while your friends, set borders in order to protect yourself from being hurt over and over. Respect these boundaries between the both of you to avoid crossing the line again and hinder your healing process.
Remember that love is not just about your own happiness. Sometimes it’s all about being happy for the person you love even if you’re not the reason behind it. If your friend doesn’t want to level up your friendship, respect that. Be happy no matter what his/her decision is.
10. Believe that there is someone meant for you.
“Everything has a reason”. In many aspects of our lives, this could be applied. Just like love, if that certain friend isn’t into you, then someone out there is destined for you. Maybe, it’s not the right time for your paths to cross but eventually, you’ll get there. This happening in your life will help you to understand that in every failure or rejection, there are greater things that come along with it. And if you happen to meet the one who is meant for you, in the end, you’ll be grateful that you went through this phase.
Love is not always a give and take process because, in reality, you can’t force someone to return back the love you have given to him/her. You must understand that not all things will work how we want it to be. Soon, this pain you are experiencing right now will fade and you can finally move on. Just believe that everything has a purpose and it’s for the best.
© Photo by Jeraldyn F. Bagasin, InspiringTips.com