I was just watching Divorce Court. It is usually a pretty interesting show when it comes to relationships. Judge Lynn is very insightful and straightforward, and the show often gives me inspiration to write relationship posts. But, today, it is all about positive affirmations.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned in my relationships is that you have to accept other people for who they are. This is especially true in your romantic relationship.
Why? Because if you don’t, there will be conflict.
You Can’t Change Anyone!
Today on the show, a man talked about how his wife doesn’t do what he wants in terms of dress, behavior, and habits. He married her knowing who she was, but he assumed he could change her into his perfect woman.
You can’t either.
We are all different in some way. We have different beliefs, attitudes, and habits. We develop these from past experiences and from our awareness.
For instance, I’ve developed a habit of being grateful every day because it has helped me to be happier in the past, and because I am aware of how powerful gratitude is. That’s a good habit for me, but it could be annoying to someone else who believes that gratitude is a bunch of crap.
Telling someone that they are wrong doesn’t help them change. It just makes them feel bad about themselves and bad about you.
Change comes from within, and if they don’t want to change who they are – if they think they are perfectly fine the way they are – then they are not going to change. Even if all the signs tell them that they should.
What It Feels Like To Be Accepted For Who You Are
My husband has always been very accepting of me. He’s never made me feel bad for my beliefs, habits, or behaviors – even when they were not that awesome. And, I couldn’t have more love or respect for him because of that.
He doesn’t let me get away with hurting myself, mind you. For instance, when I smoked, he reminded me of how unhealthy it was many times and celebrated the fact that I quit so easily. But, as far as me being me – he’s always let me have the freedom to be myself.
What It Feels Like To Try To Change Someone
I haven’t always been so great. I’ve criticized his habits and behaviors – even though they are harmless.
For example, he is much slower than I am. I talk quick, type quick, move quick, and act quick. I used to find his inability to move fast annoying, and I was sure that he needed to change.
Sometimes, I even played the victim. For instance, my husband is not overly romantic in the way that I feel romance should be displayed. I pointed this out to him many times, but he was never really capable of replicating what I wanted. Eventually, I told myself that I wasn’t good enough for him to be romantic.
Man, I cringe when I think about that now. He was doing the best he could with the best intentions, and I acted like he was doing a disservice to me!
It took me a while to realize that he is not wrong just because we are different. He is right for him, and I wouldn’t have him any other way.
I Accept My Partner For Who They Are
Say that positive affirmation to yourself every time you judge an innocent behavior, habit, or attitude that you don’t believe is right. It will help you see that you are judging them for who they are (which is something you can’t change), and then you can redirect your thoughts.
Shift your focus off what you think they should be, and instead focus on the awesome aspects of them that you love.
You will find that if you accept your partner for who they are, your relationship will go a lot smoother.
You will stop judging them and feeling upset about what they lack or do wrong, and he or she will start to feel less judged and more loving towards you!
They will be themselves, become happier, and your relationship will become more fulfilling because of it.