How do you know if enough is enough? When do you know it is time to end a relationship? These are probably the questions that bother you right now.
When the attraction and thrill stage of a relationship wanes, some couples struggle in keeping their commitment to each other. Some think they fell out of love, so they want to part ways. Others discovered their personality and principles don’t complement with their partner’s, so they question whether to keep their relationship going or not.
Ending your relationship without wise judgment might cause you regrets in the future. To avoid this, here are 12 questions that you better ask yourself before jumping into a decision:
1. Do you still love him/her?
Love, is not just a feeling. It is a selfless and unconditional commitment to be there for a person through ups and downs—with joy. So, ask yourself whether you are still willing to put up with the flaws of your partner (and if you still have the joy to do that) or you can’t stand him/her anymore.
2. Does s/he still love you?
A one-sided love, as they call it, would eventually sink since it is not balanced. You may be sure of your commitment to your partner, but how about him/her? If you’ve noticed s/he doesn’t care about you the same way when your relationship was new, then it’s probably a sign you need to let go. Be brave to open up about it.
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3. Is your relationship bringing positive effect on your life?
A relationship, in the long run, is a lifelong commitment. The state of your relationship right now is a glimpse of your life a few years down the road. If your differences cause constant disagreements now, they may lead to something worse in the future. Also, if your relationship brings out the worst in you instead of inspiring you to be your best, then it’s not probably worth keeping.
ALSO READ: 17 Signs of a Potentially Toxic Relationship
4. Are you still happy?
You are supposed to be happy and excited to be with your partner and spend time together. When all you can think of is coming up with excuses to spend more time away from that person, then that might be a sign for you to move on. Maybe you are not happy with him/her anymore.
5. Is your family in favor of your relationship?
Our families hold a special place in our hearts, and oftentimes their opinions matter and in turn influence the way we live. When opposition and negative comments constantly emanate from the people you hold dear, it may come to a point where you have to choose to follow your heart or your family. Which one matters more to you?
6. Are your friends in favor of your relationship?
Should your friends really have a say on your relationship? Yes, they have—your real friends. Like your family, they are already part of your life even before your partner came. Oftentimes, they know you more than your partner does. Falling in love with someone may cloud our judgments, so we become blind to the negative side of the person. If your friends are against your boyfriend/girlfriend from the start, then they probably see something that you can’t.
7. Are you ready for commitment?
Commitment in a relationship is not ‘I love you if’ or ‘I love you because’. Commitment is ‘I love you in spite of’ – your shortcomings, imperfections, weaknesses, failures and negative attitudes. It is accepting that person for who he/she is and sticking to it no matter how you feel like letting go. So, if you’re in doubt whether you can stand by your partner’s side through thick and thin, then you’re probably not ready to commit to the relationship.
8. Why do you want to end it?
Is the relationship not what you expected? Or is your relationship no longer what it used to be? Did you fall out of love or do you think your partner no longer loves you? Evaluate the reasons why you have come to this point. If the cause for this confusion is just a petty fight, then ending your relationship would be a regret later. You should have a heavy basis for your decision.
9. What was the turning point?
In relation to #8, you need to think about the thing or action that triggered this dilemma. Probably there have been changes in the way you treat each other in the past months or years of your relationship—but what is that main factor that makes you want to leave? Maybe it’s just a burst of anger or you’re just going through hormonal change (for girls). Wait it out until you’re off the height of emotions, so you can think clearly.
10. What was the reason you said ‘yes’ to the relationship?
This is not only for ladies. Guys, what made you say, “yes, I want to court her”? Probably, all you need right now is to be reminded of why you wanted to be together in the first place. Maybe, you just have to remember how much you loved each other.
11. Are you ready to let the person go?
Breaking up with your partner when you’re not sure it’s really what you wanted is like tossing a diamond ring up in the air before a cliff—then you try to catch it. What if after all your harsh words and pain you caused you realized you couldn’t live without the person? Are you sure s/he would still accept you back?
12. Do you see yourself together in the future?
If right from the start you could not imagine yourself growing old with the person, then maybe you’ve never loved him/her at all. Being in a relationship means you consider each other to be your lifelong partner. Without the vision of creating a family and reaching for your dreams together, then your relationship won’t have a long-lasting direction.
Maybe it’s still worth the commitment
It is normal for a relationship to go through challenges. No relationship is perfect. However, when there is love, understanding, patience, and respect for each other, a relationship can still strive in spite shortcomings and differences. Search deep within your heart if ending it is what you truly want and need.
Photo by Rémi Walle