It takes a lot of time to build trust, but it takes a minute to destroy it. Since trust is a foundation of a strong relationship, without it there is no guarantee of staying together for a long time.
Has your partner ever cheated on you? This is the most common cause of broken trust between couples. However, some, despite being hurt, choose to forgive and forget what happened. When you love your partner so much, you decide to stay and try to work things out even if there are trust issues already.
To Rebuild or Not to Rebuild
Is it still worth it? Should you try rebuilding your trust for your partner? Or should you choose to move on? Here are 14 practical tips that you can try to find out if your relationship is still worth a second chance:
1. Talk things over.
If both of you consider making up, then it is best if you set time to talk about everything that has happened. Figure out the roots of the problem and be honest with each other about what you feel. Then, talk about how you can make things right and avoid the same mistake in the future.
2. Decide to meet halfway.
Don’t put all the blame on your partner. Maybe you have lacked in your relationship as well, which contributed to his/her failure. Therefore, if you are willing to give it a second try, then include in your talk some resolutions that will benefit both of you. You two should be humble and willing to let go the attitudes and things that can hurt each other.
3. Set conditions.
When you decide to give a second chance to your partner, set conditions and limitations that will test his/her willingness to pursue your forgiveness and acceptance. If your partner is really repentant, s/he will be willing to go through this ‘disciplinary action’ just to rebuild your trust.
4. Forgive and choose to forget.
It is actually impossible to forget something so painful, unless you get amnesia. However, when you decide to rebuild your trust for your partner, it includes choosing to move on from the mistake and not opening up about it again. Forgiveness does not happen overtime, but it is a daily decision.
5. Give it a second chance.
If you are certain that you do not want to let go of each other, then give him/her a second chance. However, make it clear to your partner that it is the last and only chance, so that s/he will be serious in changing and avoiding the same mistake.
6. Spend quality time with each other.
Sometimes, conflicts and third parties happen because relationships are already in a plateau, maybe due to overfamiliarity, attraction period expiration, or lack of time for your relationship. To find out if you still care for each other the same way before, try bonding and do exciting activities together.
7. Talk to common friends.
Seeing your relationship from an outsider’s point of view can also help you weigh your decisions. You can talk to your common friends who know what’s happening between you. Just make sure to approach sincere and trustworthy friends, who will give unbiased opinions and advice.
8. Ask advice from your parents.
Parents always want what is the best for their children—considering both their happiness and welfare. That’s why approaching them at this crisis of your life is not a wrong decision. You’re never too old to learn from the wisdom of your parents. Asking pieces of advice from them will help you see your situation from the perspective of mature, married people.
9. Ask for space.
If you can’t forgive him/her right now, and your mind is still clouded to make decisions, asking for time and space is not too much. You deserve a break. Assess yourself if you still want to continue the relationship or not.
10. Don’t deny the problem.
Some people who get cheated on tend to deny the problem in order to preserve the relationship. They choose to wear a blindfold, because they don’t want to lose their partner or hear criticisms from others. However, instead of putting an end to the issue, this could encourage your partner to continue cheating. You must confront the problem head on.
11. Don’t force rebuilding the trust.
If this is not the first time that your partner cheated on you, then it’s probably not the last. If you know in yourself that you cannot trust him/her anymore, then stop. Don’t force yourself into something you can’t believe in. Be true to yourself and accept the reality that it won’t work anymore. The truth will set you free.
12. Decide to let go when it’s pointless.
If you’re only holding on to the relationship because of pride, then you’re only making it hard for yourself. If you know in your heart that you can’t trust him/her anymore, then being together is pointless. Set yourself free from this bondage and move on with your life. You deserve peace of mind and find someone whom you can trust.
13. Weigh decisions.
We know it’s not easy to choose between preserving your relationship and letting go. It’s only you who can decide for yourself. Weigh your decisions using not just your heart but your mind as well. Praying for wisdom can also help big time.
14. Respect yourself.
Your partner’s cheating on you is a sign of disrespect. If this has been happening for a long time—and for many times—then you have to save yourself from that dysfunctional relationship. Respect yourself by breaking free from the lies. Let go, because you deserve to be respected. Your partner won’t realize it unless you stand for it first.
It’s time to decide
To stay or to break away depends on you alone. You have the final say in this matter. Listen not just to your heart but your mind as well. Again, is it still worth it?
Photo by Jez Timms