When looking for a lifetime partner, it is important to find someone who has discernment. A person who has this ability is more sensitive to the things around them, especially to the needs of their partners. For this reason, you better not end up with someone who lacks relationship discernment.
What is Discernment?
Before jumping to the signs that can help you avoid a non-discerning person, let us first find out what discernment is. Understanding this concept will help you understand its importance in a relationship.
Spiritual discernment is the person’s capability to determine what is good and bad, true and false, or beneficial and not. Moreover, if you have the gift of discernment, you usually have the ability to identify the root of problems, the right choices, and the red flags in a situation. In short, you can easily decipher the truth.
If you want to have discernment, you need to improve your spiritual understanding by meditating on the Scriptures. As you draw closer to the source of ultimate wisdom—the Holy Spirit through God’s Word—your gift of discernment will be enhanced.
Hebrews 4:12 says:
“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
Lacking Relationship Discernment
If you now understand how essential it is to have a discerning partner, you must be proactive in looking for one. In short, you must be observant and choose to stay away from people with no discernment.
Your goal must be to end up with a person who values their relationship with the people around them. At the same time, that person must be attentive to the truth about people. To help you achieve this, you can check out the following signs that someone lacks relationship discernment:
Easily Judges Others
1. Relies on First Impressions
A person who believes that “first impression lasts” lacks discernment. That individual has forgotten—or probably does not know—that a few minutes or hours is too short to get to know the real identity of a person. On the other hand, if you are wise and discerning, you would not easily conclude about a person’s character based on what you have seen in the first encounter.
2. Believes Gossips Easily
You should also avoid a person who is quick to believe gossip. It is a sign that they cannot discern the truth from lies. Although some gossip may have some ounces of truth in them, you would not treat them as credible sources of information if you were a wise person.
3. Thinks People with Bad Reputation Do Not Deserve Respect
Since that person easily believes in gossip thrown at others, they immediately conclude that the subjects of slanders are guilty of the accusations against them. For this reason, they tend to treat these people with less respect than others. They believe that they should do nothing with them.
4. Condemns Others
In connection to no. 3, you cannot expect someone who lacks relationship discernment to treat other people with grace. They are poor in spiritual wisdom, so they cannot see their own flaws. They have forgotten that they are no better than anyone else since everyone sins differently.
As Romans 3:23 says:
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Lacks Wisdom
5. Has No Conviction to Search for the Truth
A person without a discerning spirit believes everything they see or hear. They have no passion to seek for what is true for they do not feel any conviction at all. For this reason, it is difficult to change their perspective about a certain issue or individual.
6. Gets Deceived for the Lack of Knowledge
In relation to no. 5, you can say that a person does not have discernment if they are easily deceived by others. Since they are not interested in finding out the truth, they quickly believe lies simply because the person talking sounds convincing.
7. Does Not Learn from Past Experiences
Another problem with a person that lacks discernment is their tendency to stumble on the same failures, especially in relationships. They have not gained wisdom from their past experiences, so they keep committing the same mistakes. These are the people who keep falling for the same kind of person who hurt them before.
8. Trusts a Person Quickly
In addition, the lack of discernment makes a person trust others easily. Yes, we ought to trust the people we value, but trust should not be given too quickly. One must get to know the other person thoroughly before deciding to totally believe in them. Then, of course, once someone breaks your trust, it is not too wise to trust them completely again just because you have forgiven them.
9. Does Not Weigh Choices Properly
Another sign that a person lacks discernment is their poor choices. They usually make decisions based on trends and their current emotions. On the other hand, a spiritually wise individual will weigh options first before deciding on something. They check the pros and cons of these choices and do not rely on others’ opinions. Their decision is based on their search for truth.
Weak Interpersonal Qualities
10. Is Closed-Minded
A person who lacks relationship discernment is closed-minded. They think their ideas and opinions are better than others. They are not capable of seeing from others’ points of view, that is why it is hard to argue with them.
11. Does Not Listen to Others
Since they are closed-minded, people without discernment do not listen to others. They debate for the sake of defending their arguments, without trying to understand and evaluate what the other party is saying.
12. Quick to Speak
You can say that a person lacks discernment if they speak without thinking carefully. They are bold in talking about what they know, even if they have not confirmed their truth yet.
13. Has Partiality in Treating People
An unwise person may treat people according to their physical appearance and socioeconomic status. On the other hand, those with discernment will be fair in treating everyone, because they understand that the world is round.
Poor Spiritual Health
14. Lazy to Pray
Spiritual discernment comes from the Lord. Therefore, you cannot expect a person who seldom or never prays to hear from God. If the individual you like says they are too busy or lazy to pray, you better think twice before pursuing a relationship with that person.
15. Does Not Study God’s Word
At the same time, you gain spiritual discernment by studying the Scriptures. The Bible is filled with wisdom that is timeless and practical. Thus, if you want to end up with a wise partner, find someone who reads the Bible on a regular basis.
16. Has No Reverence for God
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). For this reason, a person who does not believe in God has no relationship with Him. For this reason, the Holy Spirit cannot convict them of what is right, true, and beneficial.
Get Discernment Too
It is important to marry a person with relationship discernment. However, it is more important to gain discernment yourself. Ask God to give you the ability to discern, and be faithful in seeking His wisdom by studying His Word.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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