Still mourning over your breakup? Do you still love your ex but for some reasons you can never get back together? Do you want to completely let go and move on?
Just so you know, the moving on process does not happen overnight and it is normal that you will miss your ex because s/he has been part of your life. It is not unusual that you would be dying to see him/her again, let alone bring back the old relationship. However, acceptance that things will never be the same is your key to healing.
The worst part of post-breakup is when you miss your ex. To be able to survive this stage, you can do the following things if you still thinking “I miss my ex”:
1. Allow yourself to cry over memories.
Your happy memories together will be forever with you, unless you hit your head hard and get amnesia. It is alright to remember them from time to time because they will be normally haunting you while in this phase. If you force yourself to forget them, you will be only repressing them and they would eventually resurface—sometimes in your dreams.
Let your tears flow as you reminisce about your past. Feel the pain that comes with those memories. One day, you will be tired of crying over them, and you will realize that it does not hurt the same anymore.
2. Remind yourself why you need to move on.
Time might come when reasons would be outweighed by your emotions and you might want to reconnect with your ex. You might even convince yourself that being in a hellish relationship is way better than being alone in pain. Well, when this happens, it is time to slap yourself to reality.
If it could help, you can write down a list of the reasons why you need to let go of your ex. It could be the things s/he constantly did that hurt you or the disadvantages of being in that relationship. You can also list down the benefits of your breakup in the long run, such as the chance to focus on helping your family first or the opportunity to find a greener pasture for your career.
3. Express your pain to someone who understands you.
Keeping what you feel to yourself is torture. Although crying may help ease the pain, it is best that you find a friend, family member, or counselor to whom you can express yourself without any judgment. You can even pretend that the person is your ex, and you could say all the words you wanted to tell him/her.
Just make sure that the person you talk to is someone you can trust. S/he should be someone who will not gossip about you, especially to your ex’s party.
ALSO READ: 16 Ways to Move On When You Still Love Your Ex
4. Divert your attention to productive things.
One way to push the pain away is by keeping your ex off your thoughts. Whenever s/he starts creeping into your mind, find something else to focus on. You can clean your room, study for your upcoming exam, or finish your office reports.
Keeping yourself constantly actively busy can also be effective to forget your ex. You can use a planner or a timetable to plot your schedules for each day. See to it that you leave no room for idleness, the time when loneliness will be creeping in again.
5. Pour out your heartaches in a journal.
It is not all the time that you can call a friend to your side and cry out your agony. For this reason, you need to find another way to let out your burden.
Keeping a journal is one helpful way. You can pour out your pain through writing until you have released everything from your chest. It is best if you choose a notebook that is handy so you can bring it anywhere. You can also use an e-notebook on your phone if you prefer typing to writing.
6. Make it an inspiration to improve yourself.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity and messing up yourself, you can be more positive about your situation. Use the pain you feel as a motivation to improve yourself. Aside from being another way to divert your attention, the process of self-grooming will make you feel better.
You can start visiting the gym regularly or wake up early for a daily morning jog. Furthermore, you can start changing your wardrobe for a change of style. You can also invest in skin and hair care for a total makeover.
ALSO READ: 25 Tips to Improve Your Love Life
7. Avoid the temptation of reaching out.
No matter how much you are tempted to call or chat with your ex, please do not do so. It will only prolong your agony, especially if you receive painful responses from him/her. Or what if s/he responds positively? Is reconciliation possible or is it even the best option?
If the breakup was a mutual decision, then you and your ex could agree to change phone numbers and block each other on social media. Of course, if there is a will, there is a way, but at least the hassle of finding a new way to communicate could give you enough time to reconsider your action.
8. Call your friends and have fun with them.
Whenever you miss your ex so much and you are tempted to contact him/her, you can call your friends instead and go out with them. This way, your loneliness will subside because you are with people you can have fun with.
Since you’ll have time since you’re no longer with your ex, give yourself the opportunity to hang out with old friends or make new ones in your social scene. With this added support network, it’s like they were never a part of your life; you will start feeling better because keeping busy makes everyone feel good about themselves.
It is best if the friends you are with are your BFFs with whom you can pour out your sentiments. This way, they will be more understanding of your situation. They can also help you find ways to forget.
9. Get rid of all reminders of them in your life.
Throw away photos and their belongings, especially if they have sentimental value. Move out of your shared apartment, give away or sell anything that doesn’t belong to you, and get a new phone number/email address to make sure there are no traces left of who you were with.
You may think this step is extreme but you want to completely remove any chance of seeing reminders of your ex will remind you the thinking of “I miss my ex so much”. You want to get your life back on track and not be reminded of them constantly.
10. Try new things.
After what just happened, it’s completely normal for us to feel depressed about everything. And sometimes losing someone you love and spending most of your time alone is not something we think about when dealing with such feelings.
Whenever people go through a hard breakup, they tend to turn to self-destructive habits (such as drinking too much). By trying new activities that are healthy for yourself and that you enjoy, it will take your mind off of them.
Whether you are meeting up with your friends or just going out on a date, having some company will not only distract you from what you’re missing in your life but it will also help keep your spirits up if they lift yours at the same time.
You’ll have another activity to look forward to at the end of a long day and with more friends, you’ll have even more people that are willing to do something fun with you.
11. Travel.
This is the most effective way to cope with a breakup! It doesn’t matter where you go, just get out of your hometown or city and explore somewhere new. You’ll be able to take your mind off of them by discovering something new in the world.
Leave during a free weekend, spend all day and night out-of-town, wake up early in the morning, plan an impromptu trip!
The bright lights of a new city will immediately make you feel better.
12. Get a hobby and make sure it’s something you will enjoy
It will be easier to think about things other than your ex if you have a new skill to practice on the side!
Something you’d never even considered doing as a child, or that was just recently added to your bucket list, give yourself the chance to try new things; anything is better than feeling sorry for yourself.
Anything, whether it’s picking up an instrument or trying out for your school’s dance team (or any other club), will require some effort and most importantly, time away from your day-to-day routine.
Even if that has nothing to do with what brings you joy now doesn’t matter; as long as it keeps your mind off of things, it will help you cope better when they come up.
13. Get a pet (or more than one)!
A pet is always a good idea because they are a part of the family. They will be there waiting for you when you get home from work and bring joy to your life. You will spend less time worrying about your ex if you have something else to bond over!
They’ll be by your side when you feel down and will provide something to look forward to. Their presence will be a great reminder for you to take care of yourself and keep moving forward. Plus, they have unconditional love and won’t ever grow tired of being around you!
Just make sure that this is something that you want; don’t get an animal just because you’re lonely. If you bring an animal into your life, make sure that you are prepared and willing to take responsibility.
14. Take an online course or class!
You do need something to keep yourself busy with besides just going out and doing nothing for the rest of your life, but that doesn’t mean you have to completely change what it is you do.
There are many low-cost or even free courses online that will teach you something new. It never hurts to have another skill, even if you don’t end up using it in your everyday life; it will be something else to keep your mind off of the breakup.
15. Volunteer your time in charity events.
It will not only make you feel better about yourself but it’ll help others who may be going through even worse situations than you.
Help those who are less fortunate than you. Giving back can help restore a sense of balance in your life by bringing some meaning out of the situation you’re going through.
You’ll also gain a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, which will not only help you as you try to move on but will also make you feel better about yourself.
You may even meet new people through charity work that could be great for friendships!
As long as it doesn’t require copious amounts of time (and not money) it won’t put too much pressure on your schedule or distract you from trying to get over them. It’s an easy way to boost self-esteem right now.
The more you make an effort to live a positive life, the better your days will become.
16. Go to religious places
It doesn’t matter if you are Catholic, Buddhist, or just an atheist!
Going to religious places will give you a sense of peace, enlightenment, and calm.
It can also remind you of your values or make you feel safe and that nothing bad will happen. Religion is never a bad thing, even if you don’t believe in it.
Make time for something that brings you faith and hope to keep your head up!
17. Work out!
It will make your body healthier and your mind clearer, which means less space for thoughts of them!
You also need to remember that going back to your old ways isn’t an option; now that you’re single again, taking care of yourself is more important than ever. You’ll also meet people at the gym, who might be a good source of emotional support or even love!
18. Counseling or coaching
This is not a must-do, but it will certainly help you through the rough times if you can’t get rid of the thinking of “I miss my ex so much”.
If you don’t have enough money to go see a counselor, look for free or low-cost sources of emotional support.
Finding someone you can trust and willing to listen to you will help ease your mind and give you a chance to open up about the things that are bothering you.
Do not be afraid to tell your story and get it off your shoulders! Open up and let others help you carry your burdens.
It Takes Time
Getting over a painful breakup takes time. Forcing yourself to forget about your ex is not advisable because it will only be harder to do so. Just like how we allow wounds to heal on their own, the best you can do to mend your heart is acknowledge the pain, accept the reality, and be hopeful about the future.
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I knew all of these I just needed that reminder. I’m going to journal my feelings because I know my friends are tired of hearing about it. I feel the emptiness is waves, part of me knows this is best the other is sad and misses who used to be my bestfriend another part is hoping for a miracle where we both come back together as better versions
Hardest thing ever. Wishing you the best – you might surprise yourself, though. You will meet someone again.
The irony of “6. Make it an inspiration to improve yourself.” is that you’ll probably also see your ex suddenly pop back into your life.