Still mourning over your breakup? Do you still love your ex but for some reasons you can never get back together? Do you want to completely let go and move on?
Just so you know, the moving on process does not happen overnight and it is normal that you will miss your ex because s/he has been part of your life. It is not unusual that you would be dying to see him/her again, let alone bring back the old relationship. However, acceptance that things will never be the same is your key to healing.
The worst part of post-breakup is when you miss your ex. To be able to survive this stage, you can do the following things:
1. Allow yourself to cry over memories.
Your happy memories together will be forever with you, unless you hit your head hard and get amnesia. It is alright to remember them from time to time because they will be normally haunting you while in this phase. If you force yourself to forget them, you will be only repressing them and they would eventually resurface—sometimes in your dreams.
Let your tears flow as you reminisce about your past. Feel the pain that comes with those memories. One day, you will be tired of crying over them, and you will realize that it does not hurt the same anymore.
2. Remind yourself why you need to move on.
Time might come when reasons would be outweighed by your emotions and you might want to reconnect with your ex. You might even convince yourself that being in a hellish relationship is way better than being alone in pain. Well, when this happens, it is time to slap yourself to reality.
If it could help, you can write down a list of the reasons why you need to let go of your ex. It could be the things s/he constantly did that hurt you or the disadvantages of being in that relationship. You can also list down the benefits of your breakup in the long run, such as the chance to focus on helping your family first or the opportunity to find a greener pasture for your career.
3. Express your pain to someone who understands you.
Keeping what you feel to yourself is torture. Although crying may help ease the pain, it is best that you find a friend, family member, or a counselor whom you can express yourself to without any judgment. You can even pretend that the person is your ex, and you could say all the words you wanted to tell him/her.
Just make sure that the person you talk to is someone you can trust. S/he should be someone who will not gossip about you, especially to your ex’s party.
4. Divert your attention to productive things.
One way to push the pain away is by keeping your ex off your thoughts. Whenever s/he starts creeping into your mind, find something else to focus on. You can clean your room, study for your upcoming exam, or finish your office reports.
Keeping yourself constantly actively busy can also be effective to forget your ex. You can use a planner or a timetable to plot your schedules for each day. See to it that you leave no room for idleness, the time when loneliness will be creeping in again.
5. Pour out your heartaches in a journal.
It is not all the time that you can call a friend to your side and cry out your agony. For this reason, you need to find another way to let out your burden.
Keeping a journal is one helpful way. You can pour out your pain through writing until you have released everything from your chest. It is best if you choose a notebook that is handy so you can bring it anywhere. You can also use an e-notebook on your phone if you prefer typing than writing.
6. Make it an inspiration to improve yourself.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity and messing up yourself, you can be more positive about your situation. Use the pain you feel as a motivation to improve yourself. Aside from being another way to divert your attention, the process of self-grooming will make you feel better.
You can start visiting the gym regularly or wake up early for a daily morning jog. Furthermore, you can start changing your wardrobe for a change of style. You can also invest in skin and hair care for a total makeover.
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7. Avoid the temptation of reaching out.
No matter how much you are tempted to call or chat your ex, please do not do so. It will only prolong your agony, especially if you receive painful responses from him/her. Or what if s/he responses positively? Is reconciliation possible or is it even the best option?
If the breakup was a mutual decision, then you and your ex could agree to change phone numbers and block each other on social media. Of course, if there is a will, there is a way, but at least the hassle of finding a new way to communicate could give you enough time to reconsider your action.
8. Call your friends and have fun with them.
Whenever you miss your ex so much and you are tempted to contact him/her, you can call your friends instead and go out with them. This way, your loneliness will subside because you are with people you can have fun with.
It is best if the friends you are with are your BFFs with whom you can pour out your sentiments. This way, they will be more understanding of your situation. They can also help you find ways to forget.
It Takes Time
Getting over a painful breakup takes time. Forcing yourself to forget about your ex is not advisable because it will only be harder to do so. Just like how we allow wounds to heal on their own, the best you can do to mend your heart is acknowledge the pain, accept the reality, and be hopeful about the future.
ALSO READ: 100 Tips on How to Move on after a Breakup