What will you do if your boyfriend is hurting you emotionally? Should you shrug it off and accept pain as part of love? Or are you going to do something to stop it?
Some people think that emotional pain is less crucial than physical pain. For this reason, some women endure emotional struggles silently, thinking at least their partners are not hurting them physically. However, this is wrong. Emotional health matters too, and no one has the right to hurt you in any way.
So, what should be done if your partner keeps hurting you emotionally? Here are some of the ways you can try doing:
He Keeps Hurting Me Emotionally: 15 Ways to Stop It Video
Talk to Him
1. Let Him Know About What You Feel.
Communication is vital in any relationship. The first step in solving any relational issue is talking with your partner. What if your boyfriend is not aware of what you are going through? Communicating about your dislikes and pain with him can help avoid them.
2. Ask Him Why He Keeps Hurting You.
Having a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend can also help solve the problem. If he is aware of the emotional pain he causes, why not ask him why he keeps doing it? He may not be able to answer the question straight to your face, but it may help him ponder on his actions. In addition, it could help him reflect and avoid repeating his mistakes.
3. Come Up with a Solution Together.
If both of you still want to keep the relationship, you must talk about coming up with a solution. It is not enough that you make him aware of what you feel. See to it that he will cooperate to make your relationship better and secure. List down clear and practical steps that will help you honor each other.
4. Be Willing to Compromise.
Of course, you must take accountability for your relationship too. The reason you keep getting hurt is probably your unwillingness to compromise. Remember, you and your boyfriend came from different backgrounds. That is why it is normal that you could have opposing views and principles. If no one is willing to accept these differences and refuses to adjust, disappointments are inevitable. Therefore, you and your partner must decide to meet halfway. Both of you should compromise.
Set an Emotional Filter
5. Try to be Less Sensitive.
Do you admit to being a sensitive person? If yes, then this could be the cause of your struggle. Your boyfriend is not perfect, and he is a different person from you. For this reason, it is normal that he disappoints you from time to time. If you take each disappointment heavily, you will really end up emotionally exhausted because he will not change in a snap. Therefore, you have to work on your sensitivity too. Keep telling yourself that your boyfriend does not hurt you intentionally.
6. Be More Patient and Understanding.
In connection to no. 5, you should practice being more patient and understanding to your partner. Since you have chosen him to be your boyfriend, you must learn to love him as a whole being, despite his imperfections. Unless it is cheating, verbal abuse, or other serious issues that he is fully in control of, you should give him time to adjust his behaviors.
7. Respond, Instead of Reacting to Issues.
Whenever you have discovered something he did that disappoints you, choose to respond rather than react to it. Reacting is freaking out based on what you feel at the moment. Usually, it intensifies issues rather than solves them. On the other hand, responding involves sound judgment and being objective. Here, you do not let your emotions control you. Instead, it allows you to think critically and calmly talk to your partner.
8. Do Not Let Everything You See or Hear Affect You.
If you keep absorbing everything your see or hear from the environment, you will be anxious and depressed. You must not base your decisions and standards on what others say. What if your emotional struggle is a result of your too high expectations? You probably force your boyfriend to be someone that fits your society’s standards. Then, because he cannot meet them, you end up disappointed and embarrassed.
9. Avoid Overthinking.
Sometimes, our pain is just imaginary. It could be the result of too much thinking, causing fear of what could happen in the future. For instance, you might be thinking that your boyfriend is going to cheat on you. Since you already have this mindset, you become suspicious of his actions. Without trust and with paranoia, you cannot expect yourself to be emotionally stable while in the relationship.
10. Give Him the Benefit of the Doubt.
Another way to stop emotional pain is by becoming more open-minded. Open your mind to the possibility that your accusations are wrong. Instead of immediately accusing your boyfriend of hurting you, what if you give him the benefit of the doubt? Unless you have proven that your assumption is true, you should stop torturing yourself with distrust and overthinking.
Fix Relationship Rules
11. Set Clear Boundaries in Your Relationship.
Boundaries are essential in a relationship. Ideally, boundaries must be discussed between two people before committing to each other. This will help set the expectations and responsibilities in the relationship. For instance, you could have agreed that both of you should avoid being touchy and sweet with other people. Or you should have made it clear that flirting with others, even just through chat, is intolerable. These limitations will keep you and your partner accountable and aware of what can hurt each other.
12. Come Up with Rules You Both Decide on.
Aside from boundaries, it is also advisable that you and your partner list down the rules in your relationship. By writing them down, both of you will be reminded of your dos and don’ts. If these rules are clear to your boyfriend, he will be careful to abide by them—unless he intentionally wants to hurt you. Why would he hurt you, then, if he truly loves you?
Let Go
13. Choose to Forgive His Past Offenses.
One of the possible reasons you stay in pain is the unwillingness to forgive and let go of your boyfriend’s past mistakes. As long as you keep the grudge, you can never heal. You must choose to release forgiveness and decide to move on.
14. Start Anew Together.
If you and your boyfriend are eager to save the relationship, you should move forward. You can do this by forgetting what lies behind you and working together to make your relationship better. Forget all the heartaches, filter your thoughts, set the rules and boundaries, and open your communication line. Then, it is not too late to start over again.
15. Break Up with Him—If He Keeps Doing It.
However, if your boyfriend is aware of the pain he causes you but unwilling to cooperate, he probably does not love you at all. If this is the case, there is no point in keeping the relationship. The best option is to move forward without him. Release yourself from the bondage and take time to heal on your own.
Get Help
Nothing is embarrassing about being in pain. If you think ‘sit too much already, ask for help. Let your family and friends know what you are going through. Having a support system will help heal faster.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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