Are you in a toxic relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Toxic means it is draining your energy, giving you a headache, and choking you. You love him/her, but sometimes you want to break loose from the relationship.
Before considering a breakup, you have to find out what makes your relationship toxic and try your best together to eliminate those reasons. Below are some of the things that you must stop doing because they usually make a relationship sour.
1. Being suspicious of your partner
Without trust, a relationship will not last long. You do not want to stay with a person you do not trust, right? You need to stop thinking that your partner is lying or cheating on you just because you experienced being cheated on in your past relationships.
So that both of you will have peace of mind, make a deal that you will stop asking malicious questions or making suspicious comments about the whereabouts of your partner and who you are with when you are not together.
2. Invading the privacy of each other
Although exchanging phone and social media account passwords is already common in relationships, this is still improper. Even if you are a couple, you need to keep your privacy as an individual. Prying into your partner’s personal activities is a sign that you do not trust him/her.
If you want to improve the trust in your relationship, try doing this. This can stop you from being paranoid about your partner’s faithfulness. This will result in a more peaceful relationship.
3. Being clingy and jealous of everyone else
Demanding too much time from each other and commanding all attention to yourself is among the top reasons why a relationship becomes toxic. Both of you need to understand that your social life includes family, friends, and society too. You cannot stop each other from seeing other people, including those from the opposite sex.
Your relationship should mold you both to be holistically mature. Instead of being clingy, why not encourage each other to balance your social time for your families, friends, colleagues, and this relationship? Being socially healthy can help remove insecurities and trust issues.
4. Making your world revolve around each other
In connection with #3, both of you should think of how you can help each other live a well-balanced life. Do not get mad at your partner because s/he cannot answer your calls because s/he is busy at work. Or do not feel bad when s/he chooses to attend the birthday party of his/her cousin instead of going out with you like what s/he does every evening.
Allow each other to grow in other areas of your life. Both of you need to understand that you have other priorities and you cannot be together all the time. If you are together almost 24/7, you miss other important things in life like memorable moments with families and friends or even career opportunities. Your relationship secludes you from the rest of the world, and that is not healthy.
5. Doing things that can provoke your partner’s jealousy or anger
If you want to avoid fights, then you have to find out the usual reasons of your lovers’ quarrels and do something to avoid them. For instance, if you know your partner does not want you staying out too late with friends, then do not do it. You can still go out with your buddies without going home late anyway. If you were in his/her shoes, you would also be paranoid worrying something bad might happen or fearing that your partner could be with someone else during wee hours.
As partners, you should intentionally talk about the things you like and dislike. If you want this relationship to work, then both of you need to be cooperative.
6. Keeping your partner from seeing his/her friends
Some boyfriends and girlfriends are too territorial that they get jealous even with their partners’ friends. Remember, his/her friends were already in his/her life before you came in. You cannot expect your partner to completely forget his/her friends just for you. This will only cause him/her to lie to you or end up mad at you. Besides, you would feel bad if your boyfriend/girlfriend does this to you as well.
I also suggest that you befriend each other’s friends so that you will know them better. This will help you trust each other more because you personally know the people you hang out with aside from each other.
7. Bringing up past issues every time you fight
Fights and failures between partners are normal. However, if you cannot forgive and let go of the mistakes of each other even after making up, then your relationship will not move forward. You will always be bound by the past, and trust issues will be hard to overcome.
Love does not keep records of wrong. Show that you have moved on from an L.Q. by not bringing it up when you have a new fight. Yes, it is hard to forget, but at least get over it.
8. Trying to change him/her to be your ideal partner
Encouraging your partner to grow up from his/her bad habits is a different thing from pressuring him/her to change his/her character. If you are pushing your partner to be someone s/he is not just to fit into your world is unacceptable. An example would be forcing him/her to take a career path that you think is cool but is actually different from his/her passion.
Love a person not for what s/he is, but for who s/he is. Allow each other to freely express yourselves when you are together. You need to be true to yourself and each other.
9. Suggesting breakup every misunderstanding
Never ever call for a breakup if you do not mean it. If you really love your partner and you cannot afford to lose him/her, then do not break up with him/her just because you are mad. Then what? The next day you would call and apologize and get back together? If you keep on doing this every fight, there would come a time that it would be hard to get him/her back because s/he is already tired.
Be mature in handling conflicts. Try to fix things without letting your emotion do the talking. Be careful what you wish for, or you might end up regretting over the “one that got away”.
10. Engaging in physical intimacy
Yeah, I know you’d be rolling your eyes reading this and tell me to get lost. However, aside from my belief in the Bible, I have reasons why I consider this as one of those things you should stop doing immediately in your relationship. I am not being a hypocrite here, but I am actually writing from my own experiences.
Have you ever noticed that it is harder to move on from someone you have had physical intimacies with? It is not just because of the love and time you shared together. It is because a part of your body, spirit, and soul is attached to that person. Especially if you are not sure that s/he is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, please keep away from this. When you separate ways, it is like a part of your body has been ripped off and you would feel like you could never be whole again. And subconsciously, the more partners you have physically involved with, the lesser your self-respect becomes. Preserve yourself for someone who is worthy of your being.
Make things right
Making a relationship work takes perseverance, cooperation, and wisdom. No partner nor relationship is perfect, but with your joint effort, what you have can last a lifetime. It is not too late for your relationship. Both of you should be willing to let go of the baggage that keeps your relationship heavy to bear. Then, be willing to make things right by doing the right things.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.