10 Ways to Overcome Lust in a Relationship

Love not lust in a relationship
Photo by Becca Tapert

Lust is defined as a psychological wanting, an extreme need to be physically connected to another person for sexual gratification. While it can be a bonus factor that makes relationships exciting, it should never be the center of an individual’s romantic life.

Lust, without love, is just an empty experience that can unmake a couple’s genuine connection, and you should beware if this force is already taking the driver’s seat in your life as a couple before it completely takes control of you.

In this article, we will discuss the ways to overcome lust in a relationship.          

1. Seek for love, not lust.
Lust is a very strong sexual desire that someone feels towards another. Knowing the difference between lust and love is a no-brainer for anyone. To prevent yourself from focusing on the former, look for the qualities that your partner has.

Give more of your attention to the character of the person you are in a relationship with rather than their physical aspects. Don’t let your mind concentrate on the things that only last for a while. Rather, appreciate the heart, mind and special qualities of your partner.

ALSO READ: Love vs. Lust: 12 Differences You Should Know

2. Don’t let physical pleasures be the center of your relationship.
If you only focus on the sexual gratifications that the relationship can give you, there’s a little chance that your relationship will last. Your bond with someone shouldn’t depend on sexual intimacy. It must be focused on something greater such as your love for each other or your faith in your relationship.

If you allow yourselves to be absorbed by the pleasures that sexual activity provides, there will come a time when you won’t be able to hold on to something when they are no longer realized, perhaps due to distance or time apart like in a long-distance relationship.

ALSO READ: How to Put God at the Center of Your Relationship: 17 Ways

3. Develop self-control.
Being intimate with your partner is very important to keep the relationship exciting. However, you have to be always in control of your body and your desires altogether. Learn when and where it is appropriate to be intimate and express your sexual attractions toward each other. Do not let your sexual needs dictate and blur your judgments and decisions. There are a perfect time and place for everything.

4. Respect each other’s body and need for privacy.
One of the things that people in a relationship often forget is respect. Just because you’re with each other doesn’t mean you can do what you want, whenever you want it – and this is important when it comes to asking and acknowledging “consent”.

Respect the wishes of your partner. If he/she doesn’t want to kiss in public, then stop. Don’t force yourself on them just because you want to feel good. Also, respect your body and stand firm in what you want and what you do not want.

Ways to Overcome Lust in a Relationship
Photo by LollipopPhotographyUK

5. Do exciting activities together.
There are so many things that you can do aside from staying in and cuddling all day. Divert your attention and energy to exciting and fun things. Explore and discover new places together. Averting your attention to something can make those uncontrollable thoughts go away. Doing these activities more often can even make you learn something about each other.

ALSO READ: 10 Fun Ways to Overcome Boredom in Your Relationship

6. Don’t forget to exercise.
Exercising is not only good for your body but also for your mind. It will make you feel refreshed and relaxed – and exhausting your physical energy into these productive and healthy activities is a good way to divert your attention from passionate physical thoughts.

It also improves your mental as well as emotional health which will help you be more focused on more productive things other than being too preoccupied with your sexual longing.

7. Try meditation to develop inner peace.
To turn your attention away from those desires, what you can do is meditate to achieve inner peace. Meditation can improve self-awareness, reduce stress, improves concentration and relaxes your mind and body.

If you’re contented, happy and not stressed, you won’t always be looking for the pleasures that sexual activities give. You should not view sexual activity as a way to gratify yourself but as an expression of love.

8. Know when to say no.
As mentioned in the previous section, there’s a place and time for everything. If you’re always giving in to the calling of the flesh or to the wishes of your partner, then it’s time to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or that you’re depriving yourselves. You don’t have to say no to everything all the time. You only have to know your limits and recognize what’s appropriate and what is not. Set boundaries for yourself, from each other, because a person can only say yes for a limited number of times before he/she gets tired of it.

ALSO READ: 10 Ways to be Sincere in a Relationship

9. Talk about it.
One of the secrets of longtime partners is being open to each other. Communication is very important to achieve stability, security, and honest intimacy in a relationship. Talk about what you like and don’t like. Discuss the things that you would like to try in the future. Be open to each other and don’t be afraid to disagree and express your opinion on something even if it’s about a sensitive matter. Transparency is very important for your relationship to work and for it to overcome the challenges of the future and the temptations of the present.

 Ways to Overcome Lust in a Relationship
Photo by StockSnap

10. Make it special.
Making love and doing everything with love is very different from just doing the act for the sake of gratifying one’s needs. Be passionate about it and try to make it as memorable and special as much as possible. Saying ‘I love you’ and kissing your partner is more memorable when it’s full of passion and love. Do everything for love and with love and your relationship will succeed and last.

Giving in to lust and letting it take over your relationship is never a healthy thing, and allowing it to control your happiness as a couple can even destroy whatever special bond you have together. Most importantly, lust, in the absence of love, can be a strong psychological force that could lead to infidelity and other forms of unfaithfulness. For this reason alone, addressing this issue should be a priority – before it’s too late.

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Charm Villalon
Charm is a writer and a student. She is currently completing her Graduate Degree in Language Studies while refining her creativity and related skills through the visual arts: drawing and painting.

3 thoughts on “10 Ways to Overcome Lust in a Relationship”

  1. I’m just a kid whom…supports LGBTQ and I need to learn to control my lust as it’s going wild…this site is good as it helps me learn to control my lust


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