It takes a lot of time to build trust, but it takes a minute to destroy it. Since trust is a foundation of a strong relationship, without it there is no guarantee of staying together for a long time.
Has your partner ever cheated on you? This is the most common cause of broken trust between couples. However, some, despite being hurt, choose to forgive and forget what happened. When you love your partner so much, you decide to stay and try to work things out even if there are trust issues already.
To Rebuild or Not to Rebuild
Is it still worth it? Should you try rebuilding your trust in your partner? Or should you choose to move on? Here are 14 practical tips that you can try to find out if your relationship is still worth a second chance:
1. Talk things over.
If both of you consider making up, then it is best if you set time to talk about everything that has happened. Figure out the roots of the problem and be honest with each other about what you feel. Then, talk about how you can make things right and avoid the same mistake in the future.
2. Decide to meet halfway.
Don’t put all the blame on your partner. Maybe you have lacked in your relationship as well, which contributed to his/her failure. Therefore, if you are willing to give it a second try, then include in your talk some resolutions that will benefit both of you. You two should be humble and willing to let go of the attitudes and things that can hurt each other.
3. Set conditions.
When you decide to give a second chance to your partner, set conditions and limitations that will test his/her willingness to pursue your forgiveness and acceptance. If your partner is really repentant, s/he will be willing to go through this ‘disciplinary action’ just to rebuild your trust.
4. Forgive and choose to forget.
It is actually impossible to forget something so painful unless you get amnesia. However, when you decide to rebuild your trust for your partner, it includes choosing to move on from the mistake and not opening up about it again. Forgiveness does not happen over time, but it is a daily decision.
5. Give it a second chance.
If you are certain that you do not want to let go of each other, then give him/her a second chance. However, make it clear to your partner that it is the last and only chance so that s/he will be serious in changing and avoiding the same mistake.
6. Spend quality time with each other.
Sometimes, conflicts and third parties happen because relationships are already in a plateau, maybe due to overfamiliarity, attraction period expiration, or lack of time for your relationship. To find out if you still care for each other the same way before, try bonding and do exciting activities together.
7. Talk to common friends.
Seeing your relationship from an outsider’s point of view can also help you weigh your decisions. You can talk to your common friends who know what’s happening between you. Just make sure to approach sincere and trustworthy friends, who will give unbiased opinions and advice.
8. Ask for advice from your parents.
Parents always want what is best for their children—considering both their happiness and welfare. That’s why approaching them at this crisis of your life is not a wrong decision. You’re never too old to learn from the wisdom of your parents. Asking pieces of advice from them will help you see your situation from the perspective of mature, married people.
9. Ask for space.
If you can’t forgive him/her right now, and your mind is still clouded to make decisions, asking for time and space is not too much. You deserve a break. Assess yourself if you still want to continue the relationship or not.
10. Don’t deny the problem.
Some people who get cheated on tend to deny the problem in order to preserve the relationship. They choose to wear a blindfold because they don’t want to lose their partner or hear criticisms from others. However, instead of putting an end to the issue, this could encourage your partner to continue cheating. You must confront the problem head-on.
11. Don’t force rebuilding the trust.
If this is not the first time that your partner cheated on you, then it’s probably not the last. If you know in yourself that you cannot trust him/her anymore, then stop. Don’t force yourself into something you can’t believe in. Be true to yourself and accept the reality that it won’t work anymore. The truth will set you free.
12. Decide to let go when it’s pointless.
If you’re only holding on to the relationship because of pride, then you’re only making it hard for yourself. If you know in your heart that you can’t trust him/her anymore, then being together is pointless. Set yourself free from this bondage and move on with your life. You deserve peace of mind and find someone whom you can trust.
13. Weigh decisions.
We know it’s not easy to choose between preserving your relationship and letting go. It’s only you who can decide for yourself. Weigh your decisions using not just your heart but your mind as well. Praying for wisdom can also help big time.
14. Respect yourself.
Your partner’s cheating on you is a sign of disrespect. If this has been happening for a long time—and for many times—then you have to save yourself from that dysfunctional relationship. Respect yourself by breaking free from lies. Let go, because you deserve to be respected. Your partner won’t realize it unless you stand for it first.
It’s time to decide
To stay or to break away depends on you alone. You have the final say in this matter. Listen not just to your heart but your mind as well. Again, is it still worth it?
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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Photo by Jez Timms
Totally understand your situation . I gave him a chance and also warn him. Was trusting him 10 years. Was loyal, never ask for anything…. but it happened. He is older that me. One of our arguments I told him that he isn’t attractive anymore, an old man. Then he gets sick, can’t sleep, stresss( he deserves). Girls attracted by his money. Let see. How long he can keep himself.
My girlfriend cheated on several accounts three different times with the same person I taked to her serverally about the issue every time i find out and she apologizes and promise never to do it again…she has totally killed the trust i have for her and she makes me sooo insecure…even when she is not doing anything wrong i feel she is…despite cheating she always comes through for me….she is very commited….not so conservative but she clearly expresses her love for me verbally and physically…but am not sure she can change….I guess that’s who she is…..and i fear getting married to someone like that may jst end up being a mistake cus she might keep on cheating despite being married.
My husband has close friend they talked day and night on the phone. They played table tennis together. They drink together and have meal together. When I realized everything I talked to my husband to stop meeting and playing with her but he didn’t listen just he agreed not to have private time and calling her but he wanna played with this girl as a partner of tennis. I didn’t agree that’s why it get worse our relationship I try to talk to the girl many times and she promise not to play with my husband again but one time I checked my husband at table tennis place I saw they played together and I lose my temper and I drag girl hair. Then I ask divorce but he didn’t agreed he insist they just friend not a lover. I dont trust him anymore and I feel that he is not working to get my trust back again he just trying to save our family but not my trust. I have hard time living together with him again I dont talk to him but I cant leave because of kids. I feel he doesn’t love me anymore because his not trying to get me back again. He also didn’t try to talked about our problems.
That’s awful. The marriage should come first. Couples should have “mutual” friends. Married couples in my opinion should not have opposite gender friends if the spouse does not know them. Especially, if the other spouse doesn’t feel comfortable. In my case, my spouse lied talking to other women in chats. Then found out he went out of the country without my knowledge
That was a year ago, and no resolve on in my opinion. After
I was the one attending counseling without him. I’m trying to leave, or Separate. I have no trust in him.
This helped confirm what I already knew: it’s time for me to move on. I see my relationship with my guy as being pointless. I will never trust him again because he cheated and humiliated me in the worst way. And cheating, he was caught talking with girls online and at his job. Each time he apologized and said he’d never do it again. That he was not going to sleep with the girls. He was lonely from lack of attention from me. It’s been 6 mos since his last indiscretion and still don’t trust him. He’s overly kind, financially secure and bends over backwards for. But I still don’t trust him. And to be honest, I stopped trusting him after the first mess up. And I knew at that time, I’d never trust him again. I’m also not happy and do not see a future with this guy. He, at this time, don’t understand why I won’t work on is when he’s trying to do better. It’s too late. My heart is not invested in this relationship as it once was. He destroyed what we had when he cheated. And the love is not coming back. All I have for him is pity and disgust. And that’s not good. So I’ve decided to leave. I deserve better and want better. I don’t owe him anything. He messed up. Now he’s going to have to live with it. This article helped me a lot. Done!
This article helps a lot and your comment is exactly how I am and feel about my partner #IMDONE2 it’s pointless cause I will never trust him again !!!and the same sh*t online girl and brods from his job and some more shhhhh but I’m good and from the first time my heart changed I forgave him but I will not forget .!! He can try and be great for the next woman cause I’m done !!! With no hard feelings he disgust me then he try and do right but it just seems so fake !!
Saying your bored… And him saying he wandered off bc of a lack of interest on your part… Seems like YOU ARE THE ISSUE.
You inspired me, I’m currently trying to decide if I will ever be able to let my guard down with my husband again.. And I think I already know the answer in my heart, but I get sucked back into his emotionally manipulative tango so easily. I moved out of our shared bedroom and into the basement, because I’m not comfortable sleeping with him rn, but he has this way of feeling so bad for himself and I can’t think straight anymore.. I hope the universe has my back, I could really use a hand.
Being cheated on is second only to suicide in terms of selfishness and selfish acts. However, we are all human and make mistakes. I agree that some cheaters dont change and find ways to blame and cast issues with others to explain their behavior and actions. Some do learn from their mistakes and find themselves and through tough times of introspection, realize the depths of their betrayal and find ways to make amends and be truly remorseful. Most cheating partners tend to be reactive vs proactive in their approach to helping the betrayed heal, if helping at all. I respect your decision as you really dont “owe him anything.” You do owe yourself happiness and self respect and if this person doesn’t acknowledge this and change for his own benefit first and be honest about what he did and ask what you need to rebuild trust then his heart really isnt in saving your relationship and restoring trust and love.
i know your right but it doesnt stop the pain anyless when you decide to move on my heart is breaking every day if i leave.i might be albe to see my kids everyday that in its self hurts me alot. More please give me more advice
I’m so sorry for your pain. I myself am going thru something similar. I feel there’s a reason why I read your comment. I know moving on from someone you love is not easy. Your heart tells you to stay but the sharp hurtful pains can’t stop your mind from racing, you feel like you’re going in circles. Talk a walk in nature, try to evaluate your feelings, see how you feel without this person, know that missing someone is normal, your heart being hurt is normal. I’m here for you if you need a friend. Wishing your pain goes away and that you have a clear head soon.