Doubting your boyfriend/girlfriend’s fidelity? Are you suspecting he/she is hiding something from you? How can you confirm that your suspicion of him/her is right? And what if he/she is really dishonest? What should you do about it?
Here are 21 signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend is probably cheating on you. Find out if your hunch about him/her is right:
1. He doesn’t leave his phone lying around.
If even in his own house, he never puts his phone on the table or just anywhere else whenever you are around, then something is really fishy. If you have been together for a long time, he should be comfortable with you already, so he does not need to be too cautious about his stuff when you are together. You can try borrowing his phone. If he hesitates, then your suspicion could be correct.
Whether boyfriends and girlfriends should exchange passwords or not has been a debatable topic. Personally, I think partners should respect each other’s privacy. It is also a sign of trust. However, I also think that if you are hiding nothing from your partner, entrusting his/her passwords to your phone or Facebook account would not be a hard thing. If your boyfriend/girlfriend cannot give them to you, then maybe he/she is hiding something.
3. You catch him lying to you.
Your boyfriend told you good night early because he was so tired that he would sleep already. Then, after five hours, you found him online on Messenger, or was ‘active 3 minutes ago’, but he never chatted with you. The next morning, he told you he felt so refreshed because of his early sleep.
Especially if he never lied to you before, catching him lie even about small things now could be a serious sign of cheating. This is an indication that he is doing something which he does not want you to know about.
4. Suddenly too busy to see you.
No matter how busy your boyfriend/girlfriend is, he/she would find ways to see you if he/she truly loves you. Seeing your special someone could relieve your stress. Therefore, if your boyfriend/girlfriend rarely visits or asks you out anymore because he/she is so ‘busy’—then it is either he/she is not that in love with you like before or is in love with someone new.
5. He does not open up with you anymore.
A healthy relationship is characterized by trust and openness. You are ought to be comfortable and encouraging with each other. You share your deepest thoughts and even secrets with each other because of trust and longing for comfort. Now, if your boyfriend does not share his feelings or problems with you anymore, then maybe he has already found another shoulder to lean on.
6. He is unusually sweet or cold.
This is a tricky sign because there are people who are just overly affectionate. The best way to tell is if you truly know your boyfriend. If he is not usually sweet or physically affectionate and then one day he just suddenly bombards you with gifts and then next week with a fancy dinner, maybe something’s up.
You would know that he is guilty of something if he changes his behavior towards you. For instance, he may become unusually sweet, like giving you presents or telling you ‘I love you’ more than necessary to make up for his failures. Or he could have grown cold because of the guilt that makes him uncomfortable with you.
These actions are probably because of his compensating for his feelings of guilt. Most of the time, the cause of this guilt is cheating.
7. He accuses you of cheating.
This is another defense mechanism. He projects his mistakes on you by accusing you of doing the things he does. He becomes paranoid, thinking you could also cheat him the way he does. Also, this could be his way of making an excuse for his actions. He wants to find something he could use against you so that he would be spared from the guilt.
8. He only sees your flaws.
They say a guy when in love, can stand even the worst traits of his special someone. When your boyfriend told you he loves you and asked you to say ‘yes’ to him, it meant he accepted you for what you are, including your flaws. Now, if suddenly he becomes too sensitive to your imperfection, then something could be wrong. If it seems like all he could see are your mistakes, then maybe he is looking for an excuse to leave you.
9. He’s not that interested in you.
It’s understandable that over time, the height of your relationship lowers. There’s no more of that fuzzy feeling you get in your stomach whenever you see each other, or in other words, you’re both ways past the honeymoon phase already.
What you have to watch out for is the kind of disinterest he shows in you. If you feel like he’s not working anymore for the relationship, then maybe it’s time to question his investment and sincerity.
10. He can take you for granted easily.
If before he would do everything to make peace with you every time you were mad at him, but now he does not care even if you do not talk to him for days, then you have to wonder why. Maybe he is not afraid to lose you anymore because he has someone else.
11. She unusually makes an effort to look beautiful.
It is normal for girls to want to look pretty. However, they exert more effort to be beautiful when someone inspires them. So, if it is unusual for your girlfriend to make herself attractive even for your dates, and suddenly she cannot come out of the house without makeup, then you have to ask yourself what or who inspires her now—but do not judge her yet. Who knows she has only decided to improve herself—but this is one sign, right?
12. Gets unusually busy with phone.
If you notice that your boyfriend/girlfriend spends more time with his/her phone now more than ever, then you have to ask why and who he/she interacts with. Who keeps him/her on the line even when you are together? Does he/she always keep the phone with him/her? Does he/she get mad when you try to touch it? If it is unusual for him/her to be hooked to his/her phone, something must be going on.
13. Oddly hangs out with friends more often.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend has less time for you these past days, because he/she always has a get-together with his/ her friends—those you have never met—then you have to check on this. He/she may be only using it as an excuse to meet someone else. Or he/she could only be using their meet-ups as an alibi.
14. Become short-tempered with you.
Your boyfriend/girlfriend becomes impatient and finds every excuse to get mad at you. So, if you have noticed lately that he/she easily get mad with you, then it could be this.
Before judging him/her, though, make sure it is not because of his/her pressure from work or your fault.
It is normal for people to be expressive on social media, but not all people are like this, so this sign would not apply if from the start he/she never posts about his/her love life.
However, if during your first few months of being in a relationship he/she was so proud on Facebook and Instagram about having you as his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, then a change on this could be alarming. If he/she does not post sweet statuses or photos of you together anymore, it could mean he/she had a change of heart—or he/she is hiding you from someone.
16. She does not get jealous anymore.
Girls are naturally jealous. They want your whole attention, and they do not like it when you treat other girls sweetly. Now, you could try being too friendly to other girls in front of her. Or you could try talking about the girls she used to get jealous of before. If she seems to not care about it, maybe she is not too afraid to lose you anymore.
17. She always finds an excuse not to see you.
You know your girlfriend. You would know it if she is genuinely busy or is only trying to avoid you. If you want to take her out every time she always has something to do, you can try visiting her house. If you suggest this and she tells you she is out, something is really wrong with your relationship. No matter how busy a person is, she could not stand not to be with you for a long time if she really loves you.
18. She does not demand your time and attention any more.
Girls are clingy and demanding—sometimes to the point of being annoying. Nevertheless, this is an indication that she is in love with you. Therefore, if she stops demanding your time and attention, you have something to worry about. She is not in love anymore, or there is someone else whose attention and time are more important to her already.
19. Asking for space.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend asks for a cool off and you cannot think of any problem big enough to shake your relationship, then he/she is not telling you something. He/she probably has a personal problem that really requires space and peace of mind. However, if his/her reason does not seem to be enough for a cool off after a sincere talk, then your hunch could be right.
20. She doesn’t like it when you ask questions.
Cheaters are constantly paranoid, so they hate it when you ask them questions, especially if they are pry. They are always afraid of getting caught and are mostly always on the nerve.
If she feels uncomfortable for no reason at all when you ask about a certain co-worker, then maybe you should ask yourself why. If they are only friends, then there’s no reason to feel uneasy at all.
21. He smells like someone else.
Lastly, the classic smells like someone else are just as old as the lipstick smear on the collar. You know your man like the back of your hand, and of course, you know exactly how it smells like. If he comes home smelling like somebody else, then you better raise some eyebrows.
It could just be a co-worker’s strong perfume or any logical reason at all, but if you find yourself smelling the same scent over and over again, then all his excuses are out.
What to Do
If these signs are showing, do not freak out and rage war against your boyfriend immediately. It is smart to make him know you know already. However, you have to calm down and be wise in your next steps. Here are some tips:
1. Gather proofs before confronting.
Before you confront your boyfriend/girlfriend about this issue, make sure you have enough evidence to show him/her. You should have bases for your accusations.
2. Talk to him level-headedly.
Once you have confirmed his infidelity, you may confront him. However, make sure you do not let your emotions rule you, so you would not make impulsive and unsound decisions. Be civilized as much as possible, or else you give him more excuses to leave you.
3. Listen to him/her.
Do not nag. Allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to explain his/her side. If you notice that he/she is too defensive and does not seem to repent from what he/she is doing, maybe your relationship is hopeless. However, if he/she admits his/her mistakes, asks for forgiveness, and tells you he/she will change, then you can try giving him/her a second chance unless you do not want to be with him/her anymore.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend wishes for a second chance and you still love him/her, you may grant him/her that SINGLE (you need to emphasize this) second chance. However, if this is not the first time he/she cheated on you, you better break up with him/her. If he/she has done it to you more than once already, then he/she could do it again.
It all boils down to trust.
No relationship is perfect. Your boyfriend, and even you, are not perfect. Therefore, it is not stupidity to give your relationship a second chance after a mess like this. However, if there is no more trust between you, and you know it can never be rebuilt, letting go is the wisest decision.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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