Many Christians wonder how to know if God’s will for them is to get married or just enjoy singlehood. Or they are confused whether which one can glorify God more.
God values marriage (Ephesians 5:22-23), and He has intended most people to marry to build a family and populate the earth. Thus, godly marriage is glorifying to Him.
Meanwhile, not all Christians are called to marry. Some are called to celibacy, like the Apostle Paul and the Catholic priests. These are the people who know they are called to devote their entire lives to serving God.
So, how will you know if you are one of those who have been called to be single forever? Here are some signs to watch for:
1. Your focus is the ministry ever since.
As mentioned above, religious leaders whose lives revolve around their God-given ministries do not see the need for marrying. Their love is solely dedicated to God and His calling. For them, this is their purpose of existence.
If you are like Apostle Paul, who is so focused on church ministry that you cannot see yourself apart from it, it is not surprising that you have no time for love. Maybe, you are one of those special people God has set apart for Himself—those whose existence is solely to serve Him.
2. You are content serving God and His people.
Another sign that God wants you to stay single forever is the contentment you feel in serving Him and His people. If for you, the love you receive from being a servant of God is enough to see you through seasons, the call of singlehood could be the reason.
Most people long for love and marriage because they are afraid of growing old alone. However, if being surrounded by your brothers and sisters in Christ is enough to keep you from being lonely, there is no reason why you will still look for someone else to love you.
3. You are not struggling with sexual desires.
In 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, Apostle Paul encouraged celibacy, but for those who cannot control their sexual urges, he advised them to get married to avoid sexual immorality.
The verses say,
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband…
The well-known apostle continued to say in verse 9,
“But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Therefore, if you are not struggling with sexual temptations, it could be that you are called to be single forever.
4. You have never been in a relationship.
Well, not everyone who has never been in a relationship is destined to be single all their lives. Some simply find their first love later on. However, this can say something about the condition of your heart.
If the reason why you were never in a relationship before is non-attraction to anyone, it means you are different from others. Most fellas get attracted and “fall” madly in love with others during adolescent years when hormones are raging. So, if you have never experienced this, you are exceptional.
5. You cannot see yourself spending your life with someone.
Usually, God also gives vision to those He has given dreams. If He did not put the dream to be married in your heart, He would not have given you the vision of being with someone in your future as well.
Therefore, if you never have or cannot envision yourself building a family with a partner, this could be your sign. You are maybe destined to stay single for life.
6. Your past relationships made you realize that you prefer being single.
Or you have probably been in relationships before. However, your experiences perhaps made you realize that you are better on your own than with a partner.
If God wants you to marry, He will change your perspective when the right person comes. However, if He allows your perception about relationships to be cemented in your heart and mind, and you become content with it, then maybe He really wants you to stay single.
7. You do not long for a partner.
In connection to no. 6, the contentment of being single forever will remove that longing to be loved and to love someone in return. If this is you now, you will probably be prepared to live your life without a partner.
Nevertheless, this sign alone is not enough to say that God wants you to be single. This could only be a phase in your life when you are enjoying life on your own. It can still be changed once you meet someone who can make your heart beat again.
8. You have been trained to be independent and alone.
If all your life you have been living independently and on your own, God has probably been preparing you for singlehood forever. It means that you can meet all your needs without having to rely on anyone else. Plus, you can solve your own problems without needing others’ help.
So, what are the signs that you are independent and is ready for a lifetime of singlehood? One is you can happily travel alone. Another is you are perfectly fine eating in a restaurant, watching a movie in the cinema, or going shopping on your own. Also, you love the peace of living alone in a place you can call your own.
9. You are not envious of your friends who have partners or families.
Another sign that God wants you to stay single is you do not feel pressured knowing that most of your batchmates and friends are settling down already. You feel comfortable hanging out with your BFFs who cannot stop talking about their babies and happy married lives.
If you do not feel jealous of people your age who have love lives and own families now, that is it. You are content with the condition of your life now, and you have no issue with being different from the norm. Remember, many people get pressured to marry because they do not want to be left behind.
10. You have peace being single.
Overall, having peace with the decision of staying single is the best indication that singlehood is God’s will for you. Even if others cannot understand it, you are not in a dilemma with yourself. It is because the peace of God is enveloping your heart and mind.
Philippians 4:7 says,
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Keep Praying About It
Whether you get married or stay single, you can still glorify God with your life. Both are good as long you put the Lord at the center. Of course, it is still best to consult God to know which one is really His will for you. You can do it by praying for wisdom and direction.
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In all honesty, I never desired eternal life. I always lived, “just to make it through the day”. The thought of an unending day/eternal life, terrifies and exhausts me. For as long as I could remember, whenever anyone good enters my life, they have always been driven away. If it is a romantic interest, the forces of fate work from so many angles to make it impossible.
While on the other hand, if a person was “who needs enemies with friends like these”, those people have stuck around in my life far longer then I would of liked. If I wished to whore, I had many opportunities, but rejected them because I only ever desired for a genuinely romantic love. In my days of youth, I was an incredibly handsome young man. It pained me greatly to see the troubles that would befall the young women who would genuinely want to seek courtship, and the troubles that befallen me when I sought courtship.
Whatever prosperity, opportunity or just compensation was due to me, was always stripped away leaving me destitute. Looking at my life, since the time I was in the womb to now, I feel as if God made me his target.
That God cursed me to live a life of a slave, to labor with no reward. When he chastised me, he chastised me as one would a slave. Demanding a level of perfection I simply could not reach. My heart during so much suffering I endured, didn’t turn against God, until I understood the concept of “jealousy”.
During my “walk with God” there was alot of things I just didn’t understand. Concepts, emotions and etc. Looking back, throughout my entire life, Satan relentlessly attacked me by rubbing it in my face, all the things God forbade from me. But it was to null effect because I didn’t have an understanding of “jealousy”.
It took time to fully comprehend things and what was stripped from me. My heart went from simply desiring to cease to exist when I die, to actively saying “Why would I want to spend eternity with the author of my lifelong suffering?”. Literally, if I allow my heart to find joy in anything other then God, God quickly takes it away. I can’t find joy in God, because God is overwhelming. Simply “too much for me to handle”. Once in a vision during prayer, God showed me a vision of pleasure and it was probably the only time in my life I felt “full pleasure”, and it was simply too much. It was so pleasurable it hurt, and quickly became comparable to a kind of torment that I had to push God’s presence away from me. It is safe to say that if I was diagnosed with Anhedonia at this stage of my life, I wouldn’t be surprised.
God gives so little, and takes so much.
At every stage of my life, God used me in some form or another. Either to test others to see if they would be merciful, charitable or just(God made me helpless and at the full mercy of others for a large chunk of my life. 99.99% of people failed). To show others faith while in extreme suffering, and to show faith while being non judgmental. To act as Sampson did, a weapon against God’s enemies, and to act as a messenger to those God had condemned, and to stand in the gap, for those who God was about to pour his wrath on.
I can’t do it anymore. My entire life, others only thought to use me, without genuine care for me, even God, and I can’t do it anymore. All the while Satan tempting me, as he did Christ. And for what? An eternal reward I never desired nor asked for? When my thoughts drift towards what could of been, if God just picked someone else, it nearly breaks me more then I’m already broken.
God seems like a baker who promised me a fresh loaf of bread, then is making me wait until the bread is moldy and stale before allowing me it. During my early teen years, while going through a difficult time, God gave me a vision/dream/promise, of a time when I would love and be allowed to love. It is the only reason I didn’t fall into irreparable despair. Now I wonder if God just sent a lying spirit to do his will to keep me on the board. For as much as it seems God forces me to endure hardship after hardship, he has made great effort to preserve my life and keep death away from me.
I am almost 40, and I’ve all but resigned myself to dying destitute , in a ditch, and alone. The good things of life are reserved for others, and I see little goodness in God. I can’t lie to myself. My emotions are what they are. God seems unjust to me. Job, Joseph and etc, all had better days before God forced them to endure hardship. As the end of all things approaches, there are no better days. God made that clear to me in a vision. I can either cling to the tabernacle of God, or wander in darkness. Things of this life, belong to the children of this life. It just leaves me so impossibly bitter.
Sometimes it is as if I push God away, just to see if he will still stay with me; other times, it just all seems like a massive farce to me.
Why did God give so many millions of other couples a life together with their families and not many other millions like us? Who in the world would want to be single and alone the rest of our lives without children as well? That would be one very boring life for many of us singles, that is for sure.
One of reasons, namely reason #4 needs to be expanded. Not ever being in a relationship can be for reason outside one’s control. You may find some women attractive, but if no woman finds you attractive, it is fairly good reason why one has never been in any contact with women, let alone a relationship. I have this experience consistently and am 46. Is this nature’s or God’s way of saying that one is meant to be single?
What makes it even more very sad is that i see really ugly men with very attractive women. But then again, they have very big bank accounts too.
So being emotionally mature is a sign of being called to a life of singleness. Duly noted. Of course I’m gonna be happy for my happily married friends that have children they desired. Why would I be jealous of that? And of course I’m gonna travel and treat myself to a meal at a restaurant because life keeps on going , you can’t wait around to do certain things until you find the right one. That’s a good way to waste your life.
God loves to punish many of us single people for no reason at all, especially many of us single good men very seriously looking for love.
I agree with you Nick, in 15 days I hit 56, trusted God in my youth for a woman, yet nothing but NO! when I ask for a mate while I burn in my own lust Many think that faith worse enemy is doubt or unbelief; but us unfortunate SINgles, know faith worse enemy is loneliness because it only strengthens unbelief and doubt with no hope of ever overcoming it.
James65, The women today are nothing at all like the women were back in the past that made love very easy to find in those days. Women have really changed for the worst of all unfortunately nowadays since they’re very high maintenance now, very selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, and they can’t even commit to only one man anymore either since they like to cheat as well. Women back in the old days were the very complete opposite of today and real ladies as well, at least most of the women were in those days. Just trying to start a conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet has certainly become very impossible now, especially they’re usually very nasty to many of us single men when we do. And i know other single friends that had the very same thing happened to them too. There will be even times when these low life loser women will even Curse at us for no reason which doesn’t even make any sense at all why they will act this way. This is why many of us men are still single today, because of the very big change in the women now unfortunately, and many of us men aren’t single by choice to begin with either. Very obvious why our family members were very lucky to find love in the old days since most women were certainly so much nicer back then.
I experienced a series of events as a young child, such as exposure to pornography and exposure to the nakedness of my father during a s*xually immoral act, and exposure to pedophilia by my grandfather, all of which influenced me into living a life of homos*xuality. I am now 30 and my feet no longer have the strength to run away from the call of Jesus Christ. I have forsaken homos*xuality that only caused confusion and despair in my life.
My sins are laid bare by the Holy Spirit, but all I know are the ways of the flesh. The Spirit is so weak in me, I am so desperate to strengthen it through sources that provide guidance. I say all this to thank you for posting such an uplifting webpage that takes a very balanced approach to the topic of being single.
God knew all these things would come to pass in my life and yet He in His mercy never gave up on me. He continues to use people such as yourself to help people like me. I cannot thank you enough for giving me hope. May your reward be great in heaven for the work you do for Christ on this earth.