Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences in a relationship. It is also a common cause for a breakup, as when your partner cheats on you, he or she not only hurts you per se. They damage you as a person, for they remove all the trust and respect that you have for them and the relationship that you share.
But how do you move on when you don’t know where to start or who to trust? Here are 8 ways to ponder on:
1. Let yourself rest for a while.
It is common to feel a lot of emotions after breaking up with someone who cheated on you. But if there’s one thing you’ll feel in the end, that would be relief. You’ll feel relieved because you no longer have to deal with someone who’s lying to you and taking your love for granted.
Of course, once you reach this phase, you’ll also feel wary about the succeeding relationships that you may enter in the future. You may want to stop right there for a moment, and let yourself rest for a while. This is because you need to heal the wounds you endured during this unhealthy relationship, and you don’t want to carry those hang-ups to the next person you’d be involved with.
2. Don’t speak to that ex anymore.
Another way to help move on is by not having contact with that ex who cheated on you. There’s no reason to communicate with a person who broke you into pieces, because had he or she truly loved you, they wouldn’t do such thing to hurt you that way. Sure, they may have reasons, such as falling out of love or meeting someone new, but they could have at least given you the respect you deserve by formally breaking up first.
3. Stop blaming yourself for the demise of your relationship.
It is also normal that you blame yourself for the death of your relationship. You will start to think that you have done something wrong, or there’s something missing or lacking in you that your partner found in someone else, causing him or her to cheat. But while the case might be so, it is never enough reason for them to lie or betray you, the person they are in a relationship with.
So for you to move on, stop taking all the blame, especially when you have done nothing wrong deliberately to hurt your partner. It’s their loss, after all, not yours.
4. Reflect at your own faults, and learn from them.
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, and maybe the one that you had was also full of flaws that led your partner to cheat. It would be a good exercise for you to look back and reflect on how your relationship had been. Try to look for issues, mistakes, and character differences, see which of those are caused by you. Identifying your weak points is important because this is how you can address them and improve your wellbeing in the process. You have to learn from the experience, even if you know for yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong that resulted to your failed relationship.
5. Avoid making generalizations.
Just because you’ve been cheated on doesn’t mean all your succeeding partners happen to be cheaters too. That’s not the case, unless you engage yourself with people who already have a reputation of being liars and cheaters.
It’s best that you welcome opportunities as they knock on your door, and explore these opportunities for you to learn. Holding on to generalizations only hinders your way to meeting people who can not only be a potential partner, but a lifetime companion.
6. Take refuge in your support group.
It always helps to have a support group. They may not always give you sound advice, but they are there to serve as a shoulder to cry on, or ears who will listen to your wails and whims. Whenever you are feeling down and in pain because of the memories of your ex cheating on you, go to them and seek refuge. Ask for a hug or company for the night. By not being alone, and by being in the company of the people who have never betrayed you, you’ll never feel much safer than ever.
7. Don’t wave the victim card in public.
Some people like to put their drama out in the open, especially on social media. They’d tell their story on they were cheated on for the public to know and put their two cents on. While such stories have become viral on the likes of Facebook, it is not always therapeutic that you go out and tell the world about your pain.
This is because while you indeed get sympathy from people, others would also backlash on you. This will only make you feel worse, because you know for yourself that you’re the victim in the situation. Besides, does the fame you get help in healing your broken heart? No.
8. If you are to speak to strangers, talk to those who know better.
If you feel like you need to discuss your feelings with someone who doesn’t know you personally, why not seek a guidance counselor or a psychiatrist, as they are those who have the right background in helping people go through such ordeal. Meanwhile, you may also seek guidance from a person of faith, such as a priest, pastor, or a nun who is open to listen to your opinions about the matter.
While some people learn to forgive and continue the relationship with their cheating partners, doing so leads not just to an unhealthy affair, but self-damaging future. This is because you learn not to forgive but to tolerate, to adjust to the pain even if you do not deserve it, until such time that you don’t feel anything anymore. It is thus a better, albeit much painful resort, to let go of the relationship after being cheated on.
ALSO READ: 100 Tips on How to Move on after a Breakup