Are you head over heels in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend? That’s totally fine; we all know how great it feels to be in love and to have someone you can call as your partner. The problem only comes in when you feel like you’re starting to lose yourself while being in a relationship with him or her. Remember that a healthy relationship means you are happy with your partner, and you still get to be the same person- no guilt, no lies, and no pretensions.
Here are some tips for you to be yourself while you’re in a relationship:
1. Have personal space and time.
While you want to spend most of your time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it will be unhealthy for you to be together all the time. Both of you need to have personal space and time every once in a while. Make use of this time to introspect, try new things, and grow as a person. Also, you might just miss your partner and long for his or her presence while you’re away with him or her. Indeed, having some alone time is actually one way to keep the spark of the relationship alive.
2. Go out with your friends.
Your life does not revolve around your partner alone, so don’t forget to hang out with your boy friends or girl friends. You need to meet new people. So long as you’re not doing anything wrong to ruin the relationship, then socialize with other people. If you’re not the sociable type of person, then at least talk to people you’re comfortable with. Also, allow your partner to do the same.
3. Keep doing your own hobbies.
While it’s a bonus that you share the same interests with your partner, make sure that you get to do the things that you love doing for yourself. Need some time to finish your craft? Then, tell your partner that you need to finish what you’re painting or writing. Want to travel alone? Then, tell him that you want to travel alone sometimes.
Doing things on your own doesn’t mean you no longer love your partner. You just need some time to still do the things that you love. There has to be balance in the relationship. You may be partners, but you are still two unique individuals who may have different wants and needs.
4. Set boundaries.
Setting boundaries is necessary in a relationship. While you can make some compromises, you can’t just keep doing that all the time. For instance, while it’s alright to let your partner use your phone or other personal things, he or she can’t just open your social media accounts, read all messages, and invade your privacy. You may be partners, but you still need to talk about what’s acceptable and what’s not. Talk about how you can stay open to each other but still keep each other’s privacy.
5. Don’t be afraid to commit mistakes.
This tip is not to encourage you to make mistakes. Rather, it’s to remind you that you are not perfect. No matter how hard you try, you might still make mistakes in the process. Also, you don’t have to always please your partner. You just have to be yourself. If you’ve done wrong to your partner, be accountable for it. Make sure you don’t do the same mistake. Remember that there’s no perfect relationship; you are not perfect either.
6. Accept what you can’t give and do.
In connection to the tip given above, make sure you know there are things that you can’t give or do for your partner. You have your own limitations. If you think you can’t grant his or her request, tell your partner the reasons why. Don’t try to be a hero when you can’t. Show him or her that you’ve really tried, but don’t push yourself too hard. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will understand.
7. Respect yourself.
While you’re in a relationship, don’t forget to respect yourself. Do you think you’re giving more than what you can actually give? Then, don’t allow this to be your habit. If you think you’re being violated or that your partner is being disrespectful already, don’t allow him or her to treat you that way. Fight back. Take some time to pause, and respect yourself.
8. Be honest to yourself and to your partner.
Another way to not lose yourself while you’re in a relationship is to be honest to yourself and to your partner. For instance, if you think you’re not yet ready to move in with him or her, then don’t act like you are. Be honest to your partner even when you know you will upset him or her. Be honest to yourself because if you’re not, you will not be truly happy in the relationship.
9. Learn to say no.
Loving your partner doesn’t mean always granting what he or she wants. Remember that you have your own preferences, thoughts, and beliefs. Hence, you need not agree with your partner all the time. If you’re not comfortable with what he or she’s doing, then tell your partner about it. Again, there may be compromises to be made in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean you can’t speak up for yourself.
10. Love yourself.
Others might call it selfish. However, remember that loving your partner more than loving yourself is dangerous. Make sure that you keep things balanced. Don’t forget to think of yourself. Don’t forget to love yourself. It’s going to be too hard to love another person when you can’t even love yourself.
11. Be strong and independent.
While you’re in a relationship, you need to remember that your partner is not the only person who can make you happy. You need to be complete on your own. You might hear lines like “You complete me”, but remember that you need to be strong and independent as you always are. If your partner feels threatened by how strong and independent you are, then maybe, he or she doesn’t know you too well.
Have you been doing these things while you’re committed to your partner? If yes, you are indeed in the right relationship! If you’re starting to lose your identity, I am here to remind you: Be happy, be empowered, and be yourself.