Are you guilty of being selfish? Do you desperately want to change that to stop hurting your loved one?
As much as we do not like being around self-centered individuals, others may find you infuriating as well. Your partner may truly love you, but if you continue treating him/her insensitively, then s/he might get tired.
If you do not want to lose your partner over your self-centeredness, then read these 20 ways to stop being self-centered in your relationship:
20 Ways to Stop being Self-centered in a Relationship Video
20 Ways to Stop being Self-centered in a Relationship
1. Internalize that truth.
Acceptance of the truth is the first step to change. You need to admit your flaws and stop being in denial. This way, you will be open to self-improvement.
ALSO READ: 18 Signs You are Being Selfish in a Relationship
2. Think about your partner’s feelings.
It is important to be considerate of your partner’s feelings. Before saying or doing anything, ask yourself how it could affect your partner. Would it hurt or offend him/her? If yes, then why pursue it?
3. Give him/her the chance to express.
You are not the only one who has the right to freedom of speech. Just like how you demand your partner to hear your whims out, listen to him/her as well. Do not tell your partner to shut up when s/he wants to talk about what s/he feels.
4. Stop thinking you are always right.
One of the worst kinds of self-deception is thinking you are always right. Your partner may think differently from you, but that does not necessarily mean s/he is wrong. You cannot impose your opinions, principles, and beliefs on him/her. Respect just like how you want to be respected.
5. Be open-minded.
In connection with no. 4, you need to practice open-mindedness. It means recognizing that you are probably wrong and others may be right. For this reason, you should listen to your partner’s thoughts and opinions. Learn to weigh subjective and objective reasonings.
6. Practice putting your partner first.
If you have been used to putting yourself first, then try this one this time. Before asking yourself what you want to eat for lunch, ask your partner first. Instead of demanding help for work or school, ask if s/he needs help.
7. Stop talking about “me” and “I”.
One of the signs of self-centeredness is always talking about yourself. If you notice that your favorite words are “I” and “me”, then you need to ponder on that. Start change by asking your partner about his/her day or ideas while fighting the temptation to talk about yours.
8. Be humble.
A selfless person is humble—thus, you need to be one. Be willing to admit mistakes and do not think you are better than others. Learn to apologize when you know you are the one at fault.
ALSO READ: 7 Ways to be Humble in a Relationship
9. Be generous.
Avoid being stingy with your time, affection, and even resources. Whenever you have the means, give gifts to your partner—no matter how small or simple. Do not consider dates as a waste of time, but rather plan quality bonding together. Let your partner feel that s/he is worth it all. Of course, do not go beyond your means.
10. Ask for your partner’s advice for decision-making.
Since you have committed yourself to your partner, s/he deserves to know your plans. Before making big decisions, ask for his/her thoughts about them. This way, your partner will feel that you do not neglect his/her value in your life.
11. Stop being over possessive.
Please stop behaving like your partner could be easily snatched from you. If you are sure of his/her love for you, then why not trust the person? Do not prohibit him/her from talking to the opposite sex or meeting with his/her friends.
ALSO READ: 8 Tips on How to Stop Being Possessive in a Relationship
12. Give your partner space to grow.
In addition, be selfless enough to allow your partner to explore life. Encourage him/her to follow his/her dreams and try new opportunities. Do not bound your partner to your fear that s/he might find someone else.
13. Avoid being demanding.
Your partner’s world does not revolve around you. Be more understanding whenever s/he cannot give you enough time. If you are aware that the person has a lot on his/her plates, then do not add to the burden by demanding more time and attention.
14. Be willing to sacrifice at times.
If you truly love your partner, then sacrificing for him/her will be natural when needed. You would not mind going an extra mile for someone you truly care for. You do this even at the expense of your own comfort or needs.
ALSO READ: 11 Ways to Stop Being a Selfish Person
15. Learn to compromise.
A self-centered person wants everything to go his/her way. If you are guilty of this, then it is time to open yourself to adjustments to make your relationship harmonious. The only solution to lifestyle and preference issues in a relationship is meeting halfway.
16. Stop feeling entitled.
No matter how successful, popular, or rich you are, do not think of your partner as a lower person. Do not expect him/her to follow your every whim and serve you all the time. Both of you have equal rights and you need to be humble to each other.
ALSercome Your Sense of Entitlement
17. Remember the Golden Rule.
To make things simple, apply the Golden Rule in your relationship. Do not do to your partner what you do not want to be done to you. Treat him/her just like how you want to be treated.
18. Reach out.
Stop expecting your partner to always do the first move. Be willing to initiate reconciliation during LQs. Also, whenever your relationship starts to be cold and stagnant, be the first one to try bringing back the sweetness.
19. Be more conscious of your actions.
If you are aware of your selfish tendencies, then you need to be conscious of your behaviors until you have overcome them. Think before you say or do something. You can also do a regular self-evaluation to see if you are improving.
20. Be more God-centered.
Strengthening your devotion to God will help you divert your attention from yourself. Decide to serve Him and live a life that pleases Him. As a result, humility is among the traits that will be developed in your character. Of course, change does not happen overnight, but if you do not give up, you will be transformed.
Less of Yourself
Self-love is good, but too much of it is not. Think about the people around you as well. True love will make you put others before yourself.
ALSO READ: How to Put God at the Center of Your Relationship: 17 Ways
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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Today, my wife brought to my attention how selfish I have been in our marriage. As I write this, she is right. I thought about the things she’s done and made a priority versus my record, and my behavior has been horrible. There is no excuse but I can turn things around. There is always a chance.