18 Signs You are Being Selfish in a Relationship

Me and myself
Photo by Randy Jacob

Is your partner accusing you of being selfish? How would you know if it is really true?

Admit it, it is always easier to see the shortcomings of your partner than yours. If you want to know how you are as a boyfriend or girlfriend, you better evaluate yourself objectively.

For a relationship to last, a couple should have mutual respect and consideration for each other. It means both partners should love unconditionally and selflessly. If one of them is indifferent towards his/her partner, then the relationship will fall apart eventually.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is telling you that you are selfish, do not ignore it. Find out if it is true. In case it is, decide to change for the better if you want your relationship to work.

Here are some signs that you are selfish in a relationship:

1. You always demand time.
If you cannot understand that your partner has a world outside your relationship, this is probably happening. You get mad whenever s/he does not reply or call back immediately. Or you always ask him/her to be with you all the time, not minding that s/he has probably something else to do.

2. You are very possessive.
It is more than being jealous. You do not like him/her talking or saying “hi” to someone else from the opposite sex.  You prohibit him/her from hanging out with friends because you are always suspicious.

ALSO READ: 8 Tips on How to Stop Being Possessive in a Relationship

3. You need to be in control all the time.
You always have the final say in your relationship. Your partner cannot do anything without your permission. On the other hand, you do not let him/her tell you what to do.

4. You care more about what others will say than your partner’s feelings.
For you, your reputation is more important than the happiness of your partner. For instance, you may choose to keep your relationship a secret because your boyfriend or girlfriend is not popular or attractive enough.

5. You want the person to change for you.
To make your partner be your ideal guy or girl, you demand that s/he changes him/herself. You tell your partner that if you want your relationship to continue, then s/he should change what you dislike about him/her.

6. You are not willing to change anything for the person.
On the other hand, you hate it when your partner points out your flaws. You insist that if s/he loves you, then must accept you as what you are.

7. You never ask nor listen to your partner’s opinions.
You are probably not conscious about it, but you actually are not interested in your partner’s ideas. It is important for you that s/he hears you out. On the other hand, you do not care about his/her opinions.

8. You use blackmails to get what you want.
Knowing that your partner loves you so much, you always threaten to leave every time s/he is not willing to have it your way.

9. You never apologize, even if it is your fault.
It is hard for you to say “sorry” to your boyfriend/girlfriend. If it is always him/her who initiates reconciliation after every fight, then your pride is greater than your love.

10. You think you are always right.
In connection with no. 8, you never see yourself at fault in your lovers’ quarrels. For you, it is always your partner who has the problem; that is why you fight.

11. You cannot accept your partner’s flaws.
Contrary to no. 6, it is hard for you to accept the flaws of your partner. That is why you want him/her to change “for the better”. Deep inside, you believe that s/he is not good enough for you because of those imperfections.

ALSO READ: How to Accept Someone for Who They Are in a Relationship

12. You can easily take the person for granted.
Since you think your partner is not good enough, it is easy for you to take him/her for granted. You do not care if s/he gets hurt because of you. Or you do not show any appreciation for his/her efforts at all. For you, it will not matter much if you lose him/her. You can always find someone better.

13. You are focused on your own career growth, but you never support your partner’s.
For you, s/he must support you to achieve your ambitions. However, you cannot even celebrate his/her small successes. You may have even discouraged him from dreaming big because you do not believe s/he can do it.

14. You demand to be the first priority at all times.
You hate it whenever your partner is unavailable for you because s/he has something important to do. For you, nothing should be more important than you.

15. You do not make any effort to make your partner happy.
You are too busy with “more important” things than making your partner feel special. Very ironic, right? For you, it is not needed anymore since you are already a couple.

ALSO READ: 7 Things Couples Should Do to Stay Happy

16. You are not willing to make sacrifices.
On top of no. 14, you will never sacrifice for your partner. For example, s/he could be sick with no one else to check on him/her. However, you would never consider taking a day off from work to take care of him/her. For you, maintaining a good track record is more important.

17. Your needs always go first.
In everything, you always put your own needs before your partner’s. When times of difficulties arise, you make sure to secure yourself first. May it be physical, emotional, or financial needs, you always want to take care of yourself first.

18. You always tell your partner you got nothing to lose if you break up.
As part of emotional blackmailing, you make it clear to your partner that his/her presence does not really matter. You want him/her to feel that whether s/he stays in your life or not, you will not be affected at all. In short, you are not afraid to lose your partner.

What to do

If you have realized that you have been selfish all this time, then DECIDE. Ask yourself if you really love your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you are sure that you want to keep your relationship going, there is only one thing to do. You have to be selfless towards your partner.

Online courses recommended for you:


12 Ways to be Selfless in a Relationship

11 Ways to Stop Being a Selfish Person


Cyril Abello
Cyril is a personal development blogger and content writer. She is also an online language teacher. She has a degree in Communication Arts and loves everything about writing. Being a full-time mom, she enjoys freelancing.

1 thought on “18 Signs You are Being Selfish in a Relationship”

  1. God bless you for sharing this article, you are actually practicing what you preach because sharing is selflessness.


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