10 Signs You’re the Toxic One in Your Relationship and What to Do about it

couple facing each other

Keeping a relationship isn’t simple and making it work can be really challenging especially if couples fail to see that something is slowly and effectively tearing them apart. What is more frustrating is when the very act of trying to make it better is actually the one thing that is making it worse.

This type of setting is a common scenario in toxic relationships. In definition, this kind of connection between two people, no matter how they love each other, can often lead to emotionally and psychologically traumatic outcomes. Most of the time, neither of them is aware of how their “love” is slowly destroying them until it’s too late.

We can all agree that the best way to solve a problem is to find what caused it in the first place.  In problems concerning a relationship between two people in love, it’s not the question of “what” but it’s actually a matter of “who”.

Well, everything that has been said leads us to one equally important question that must be addressed: how would you know if you’re actually the one ruining it all? Are there signs that you’re the toxic one in your relationship? And if you find out you’re indeed the one, what can you do about it?

Luckily, we have the answers to your questions and hopefully, it’s not yet too late.

1. Your world revolves around your partner.
If you are investing all your time and energy in your partner and often forget that you do have to live a life outside your relationship, it can be unhealthy not only to your significant other but also to yourself.

The first rule of a healthy relationship is to give yourself and your significant other space to feel free and live independently. In other words, you don’t have to follow their every move and to monitor their day to day affairs.

2. You easily say hurtful words when you’re angry.
How are you when you’re angry? How do you handle arguments with your significant other? Are words, specifically hurtful words your strongest weapon? Even if you don’t mean them, these words can be so powerful that it can cause a deep and permanent emotional scar to your partner’s heart.

Never say something that you don’t mean and if you think the pain will just go away after a sincere apology, you’re wrong.

3. You suggest a break up whenever things don’t go your way.
Most of the time, you don’t mean it and you just want to get the reaction that you want to see and hear. Sometimes, people do this just to feel assured that they are still loved. Others do this to bring their confidence back. These are all selfish reasons and if your partner genuinely loves you, it’s torture and you need to stop it.

4. Jealousy easily triggers your dark side.
Do you allow your significant other to go out with their friends? Do you make it a big deal if they talk to other people and act friendly around them? If your answer to these questions is straight NOs, then you should know this: jealousy is the number one relationship killer. Most often than not, it creates problems that are not supposed to be there in the first place.

5. You don’t know how and when to apologize.
You should have the humility and courage to admit when mistakes are made. Having the ability to express how sincerely sorry you are is a big plus in a relationship. Having a lack of it can give you the opposite. It’s that simple but not everyone acknowledges the importance of a single “sorry” and how it can mend a broken heart.

6. You demand attention 24/7.
Just like how you should not make your significant other the center of your universe, you should not ask them to do the same. If you constantly demand time and attention and feel bad or hurt if your demands are not met, it can make your partner feel trapped and smothered. Give them space to breathe. Love should set people free and not make them feel like a prisoner.

7. You always do most of the talking.
Knowing how to listen to your partner’s thoughts and opinions about something is a skill that everyone should learn. Give your significant other a voice and let them speak their mind. Listen to them and make them feel that you value their opinion. It will build their confidence and will assure them that you are someone they can talk to about anything and everything.

8. You always bring up past mistakes to support your point.
Don’t punish each other by bringing up past mistakes whenever you have an argument about something totally unrelated. First of all, it’s unfair and unnecessary. It won’t solve the problem and in fact, it will just make it worse.

9. Your patience is a short as your temper.
Being with someone means living with another person whose thoughts and beliefs are different from yours. After all, we are all unique and different from one another. There are times however when these differences can push our buttons.

Some stressful situations can bring out the worst in us and we are left with two choices: let your temper explode or find the strength to choose patience.  Whatever you choose says a lot about you as a person and as a partner.

10. You don’t let them be themselves.
Do you try to control your partner’s life choices thinking that you know what is best for them? Do you undermine their ability to make good decisions? If you don’t let them be their ideal self, you are limiting them from being the best person they can be.

If you have been through this kind of situation, you’d agree that trying to save a toxic relationship is both complicated and emotionally exhausting. However, if you are currently trying to survive the same phase in your present relationship, it can be hard to pinpoint where the recovery should start but it’s possible if you would only just realize that maybe, just maybe, it’s you who should change.

Remember that love isn’t loving if it’s already hurting the person to whom you give it. It’s never too late to make it better.

17 Signs of a Potentially Toxic Relationship
11 Signs You’re in a Mature, Healthy, and Strong Relationship
10 Signs Your Relationship is Worth Fighting for

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Charm Villalon
Charm is a writer and a student. She is currently completing her Graduate Degree in Language Studies while refining her creativity and related skills through the visual arts: drawing and painting.

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