One of the pitfalls of any relationship is when one or both partners have the tendency to be possessive. Well, this behavior can be due to a variety of factors, ranging from individual insecurities to previously experienced traumas, or even due to innate character flaws that were not properly addressed. It can be difficult to handle a relationship when one tends to get easily jealous because when this starts to kick in, various aspects are touched –including respect, trust, confidence, and the motivation to continue as a couple.
But how do you stop being possessive when in a relationship? Here are some tips to help keep you in perspective:
1. Stop making a big deal about the past.
Digging into your partner’s past relationships is common, but you don’t have to let these get into your nerves anymore. Past is past, as they say, and there’s no changing that. Rather, focus on what you have in the present.
There are situations when you learn that your partner is still communicating with their exes, but this doesn’t mean that you have to freak out already. Try to be levelheaded as you learn more about what’s really happening because maybe at the end of the day they were just able to preserve their friendship and nothing more.
However, if it really pains you, talk to your partner about how you feel so you both know how to address this concern and move forward.
2. Don’t be paranoid.
There are people who easily get paranoid when they do not see what their partner is currently doing. They are worried that while at work may be their significant other is flirting with someone else, or if they are hanging out with the wrong crowd. Hey, this kind of paranoia can be dangerous, as it not only leads you to mistrust your partner but at the same time affect your mind and heart too.
Rather, let your partner be. Learn to be confident with the way they think and act, and that despite the present temptations, they will value you above everything else.
3. Enjoy your own life.
Another reason you tend to become possessive is that you made your life revolve around your partner. Remember, you two are different entities and you both have a life to live separately as individuals. You should then open yourself to the world –enjoy spending time with friends, pursue a career, or hang out with all the other people who love and care for you. You may not know it but your partner wants to do the same but cannot do so because they look after your needs first.
4. Don’t let jealousy get the best of you and your relationship.
It’s normal to get jealous; it’s a human emotion, just like anger, joy, and sadness. But you can’t let it get the best of you, right? When you are starting to get overly jealous, why not think about the past you had and the future you want to pursue together, and that all these will be put to waste if you keep the feeling of being possessive in your heart and mind.
5. Get to know each other’s circle of friends.
Some people are so possessive, to the point that they don’t want their partners to hang out with their friends. That’s a big no-no, and if you do that, your partner will eventually feel chained and under your control. What you can do here is to get to know your partner’s circle of friends and hang out with them, even if you are initially uncomfortable with their company.
Doing this helps a lot in keeping your relationship from being strained because you know the people your partner hangs out with. Being friends with them allow creates an extended support group, as they too will be helpful in case you need advice regarding your relationship.
6. Don’t try too hard to change your partner’s ways.
Pushing your partner to change in accordance with your ideas is never the right thing to do when in a relationship. You have to understand that like any other individual, you and your partner are human beings, created with flaws and misgivings. You cannot just ask your partner to improve themselves just because they do not meet your standards, otherwise they will be the ones to walk away from the relationship.
Learn to accept your partner for who and what they are, and give them the opportunity to adjust. Changing for the better will then come naturally for them.
ALSO READ: 10 Ways to Inspire Your Partner to Change for the Better
7. Look into the root of the problem, not the mere catalysts.
Sometimes, when you are faced with a problem, you only look at the situation itself, and not how it came to be. You may be jealous because of a particular scene that took place, but not necessarily knowing how and why it happened. Perhaps you are not seeing the whole picture, and once you do, it’s only then you’ll realize that there was no point to be jealous or possessive.
There are also instances when your friends feed you with unsolicited reports that present your partner in a negative light. While they mean well, it is not right to go along with what they are saying without confirming these with your partner. These reports are nothing but rumors until verified and confirmed to be true, and even so, you have to look into the bigger picture to fully understand how this situation came about.
8. Learn to trust –your partner and also yourself.
Lastly, being possessive is due to the difficulty to trust. Hence, learn to trust the relationship. This includes learning to trust your partner and as well as yourself because you chose to team up and face the future together.
It is downright important that you believe in your partner’s capacities in making your relationship work, and that includes making sure that he or she won’t do anything to hurt you. You should also believe in yourself, that you are in this relationship because your significant other saw qualities that got them attracted to you and to anyone else.
ALSO READ:
10 Ways to Build and Maintain Trust in a Relationship
11 Ways to Overcome Insecurities in a Relationship
12 Ways to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
I feel the same way. It’s very stressful & hurtful!! I’m starting to feel the best way to fix this is to get rid of the individual..they are the blame..I’m sure you didn’t just wake up one day feeling like this. They did something to make you feel like this…get some professional help ASAP!! And drop him!!!
I want to change my mentality bt I am very much possessive,,,, bcz I love him so much… So what’s the way to change my mind?
I believe the first thing you need to do is understanding yourself. Find the reasons behind your possessiveness. In most cases, insecurity is the problem. Then learn to trust him. And I think the best way is to find yourself a hobby. Learn to love yourself before you love someone else. This way you won’t be afraid of losing someone.