There are times when even when you think you have found the love of your life, you still don’t feel that you are not good enough. Sometimes, you even feel these bouts of insecurities that not only trigger an argument between you and your significant other but also affect your self-esteem.
Insecurities in a relationship are often experienced by people who are not really aware of their value as a person, as a lover and as a life companion. However, there are things and practices that can help anyone suffering from this negative wave of emotion through following and believing in the different ways to overcome uncertainties especially in romantic relationships.
So what are the steps that you should take in order to feel more secure in your relationship? Here they are.
1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Especially with your significant other’s former lovers. It’s one of the causes of fights among couples and although it can be normal and sometimes reasonable, there are others who always find a way to make it an issue even if the triggers are nowhere in sight.
Insecurity and jealousy is a lethal combination and how couples solve the issues that come with this combo can either make or break the relationship.
2. Start appreciating your own uniqueness.
You’re different and you’re not like anyone else. Remember that. However, some people fail to appreciate the good things about them and they often have the tendency to hate themselves just because they don’t feel that they are special. This is another sign of insecurity and it’s the most common one.
The best way to overcome this self-hate is to realize that there are people who truly appreciate your mere existence. Secondly and more importantly, you have someone by your side who loves you just as you are.
3. Don’t be scared to ask the right questions.
One of the roots of insecurity has something to do with the truth, the answers that we are too afraid to hear from the questions that we won’t even dare to ask – because of lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
Sometimes, the need to know the truth about the things that define us as a person and as a lover can cause uncertainty, anxiety, and often lead to overthinking.
4. Build your confidence.
Occasionally, the root cause of insecurities isn’t about what someone doesn’t have but their inability to see what’s already in front of them: their talents and their own goodness that were the reasons why someone fell in love with them in the first place. So what’s the only way to cure this ‘blindness’? Be confident.
Believe in yourself and let confidence scare those insecurities away. How? There are different ways to be confident and proud of who and what you are. All you have to do is to have the willingness to open your eyes.
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5. Trust people more.
Another cause of insecurity is our failure to trust others because of past experiences that led us to believe that you cannot rely on anyone but yourself. Let those go and be open to new people in your life, build your circle and be with your crowd.
Stop building those walls thinking that it would protect you from the cruelty of the outside world. Instead, open more doors, open more windows so that the light of others can brighten up your life.
6. Find out what’s really bothering you.
We have mentioned several root causes of insecurity especially for people in a relationship. However, most of the more specific reasons why a person may feel insecure really depend on a variety of factors.
Find out what’s really bothering you. Find out the triggers, the things and events that can cause you to feel these negativities. In other words, know yourself better, especially the bad parts.
7. Accept the things that you can’t change.
Don’t grieve over the things that you can never get back, the realities that you cannot change in your relationship. One of the causes of insecurities is our failure to realize that the challenges that we see and experience with your significant other are part of life. However, you can still make it better.
Start with how you see yourself and how you react to uncertainties, to events and experiences that come your way. Do you respond in anger? Do you dwell in anxiety? Or do you accept them with a kind of maturity that can help you cope and survive?
8. Change your attitude towards life and people.
In relation to the previous section, if you think that nothing is changing and you still feel that emptiness and discontent in your relationship, maybe all you need is a change of perspective? As the famous saying goes, if you don’t like your reality, change it; if it doesn’t work, change your attitude.
We understand that it’s easier said than done but we all have to start somewhere, right? Do it now.
9. Find your strengths and develop them.
Instead of focusing on the bad and the negative, find something in you that you can develop and draw strength from. For instance, you can try to figure out what makes you happy as a person, as a partner to your significant other, or as a friend to your circle.
Realize the good things about you through these people who genuinely care about you. They are your permanent source of strength. Keep them close.
10. Value the people around you.
Speaking of having your loved ones and friends around to help you rediscover the good things about yourself, it’s important that you should remember to do the same for them. Value them by showing how you care and why they matter to you.
People who give love and who are loved in return never fall victim to the damning gloom of insecurity. They know what they’re worth and even if they don’t feel their best, they trust that the ones they love will be there to make them remember how special they are.
11. Love yourself.
Last but not the least, always love yourself. Even if you are in a romantic relationship where you are expected to give love, never forget to leave some for yourself.
Remember to never let the good things pass you by just because you have failed to appreciate your own worth. The feeling of insecurities and the negativities that come with it are common relationship killers. Do something before it’s too late.
Photo by Elizabeth Tsung