Ending a relationship is not easy. You may feel like it’s time to break things off because your affair is no longer working out, even if you know for yourself that you still have feelings for your boyfriend. But you have to face it: not all relationships are for keeps, and not dealing with it may lead you to further hurting each other.
It is a common sight for people in a relationship to end their affair on a bad note. This means like they would have a fight that would lead to a breakup, but arguments are not always the solution to this problem. In fact, there are many ways in which you can respectfully break up with your boyfriend.
If you really feel like it is time to let go, then here’s how to respectfully break up with your boyfriend:
1. Sit it down.
Sitting things down together is always the best way to discuss painful topics such as breaking up. Among many things, you owe it to yourself to end the relationship on a good note, because you two have started the relationship nicely. You may have said or done hurtful things to each other, but discussing the breakup together, face to face, in a calm approach somehow eases the flow of emotions.
You may want to do the break up in a place that’s private, like in your home. Doing it in public only arouses unwanted attention from strangers who don’t have an idea of what’s going on.
2. Be clear with your reasons for breaking up.
Oftentimes, arguments rise during a breakup. You may experience this when breaking up with your boyfriend, but you don’t have to get back with an emotional flip as well. Rather, stay calm throughout his fit, and once he has released his emotions, you may speak up and explain your decision in a clear and honest manner as you can.
Being clear with your reasons allows your future ex-partner to digest your perspective. He may not necessarily accept them, but he would be more open to the idea of you taking a break from the relationship. Also, when you speak with clarity, he will be able to sense your honesty and determination, that this is what you really want. And remember, if he truly loves you, he will set you free.
3. Take responsibility with your decision.
If you really want to break up with your boyfriend, it is important that you know for yourself that you can own up to the responsibility of the decision. You cannot just break up with him out on a whim and ask him to take you back when the weather changes. That’s not just rude but more importantly, selfish.
When breaking up, focus on your faults as to why the relationship won’t work, rather than blaming circumstances or much worse, your partner. After all, it takes two to tango for a relationship to last.
4. Listen to your partner’s side of things.
When in a breakup, it is important that you not only speak your heart and mind; you should also give your partner the floor to let out his opinion about the matter. This promotes fairness and equality, as he too has some things to say with regards to your decision.
It is also important for you to hear his side because this is where you can gauge his qualities as a person and as a partner. Indeed, he may not accept your decision right away, but you can see if you just made the right choice or not.
5. Break up the moment you realize it’s not working out.
Timing also plays a crucial role in a clean and respectful breakup. When you realize that your affair is no longer heading to your intended direction (the direction you and your partner have initially envisioned), then perhaps it is time to cool off.
This is because the more time you spend with each other as a romantic couple, the more emotionally invested you become with each other. This also leads to a difficult breakup, because you two will be thinking about your so-called investments, and how these will lead to waste after deciding to part ways.
6. Do not engage in breakup sex.
Breakup sex is becoming a common thing among couples who are on the verge of breaking up. The idea of “one last moment of intimacy” may work for some, but doing the deed during or after a breakup just raises false hopes on both parties. This also creates a backdoor that allows both of you to sneak into each other’s lives whenever you feel like it, like your relationship has just become a game.
Breakup sex may hinder you from trying out new relationships with other people in the future, mainly because you still cling on to the intimacy you shared with your ex that time you parted ways.
7. Give yourself time away from the breakup.
Breakups are emotionally draining, regardless of who initiated it. When doing so, keep in mind to stay away from your ex for quite some time, and this includes no calls, texts, or messages on Facebook. This is because you two need the space to grieve over the loss of someone that has become part of your lives even for a short of time. Let yourself heal, and let your boyfriend do the same thing as well.
8. Don’t try to be friends right away.
Some ex-lovers have transitioned to be the best friends, and who doesn’t want that? After all, you two started out as friends before becoming lovers, right? However, this is easier said than done.
After breaking up with your boyfriend, you may want to let things cool down first, before even trying to pursue a friendship with him again. This only opens false hopes for either party, especially when the breakup is still fresh. You may want to focus your energy on reflecting and moving on from the demise of your relationship, and this includes meeting new people and discovering new strengths.
When you two are destined to be great friends, it will happen at the right place and time.
ALSO READ: 100 Tips on How to Move on after a Breakup