When you are displaying affection, thoughtfulness, and adoration – also known as being romantic – you are telling the other person that they are loved and appreciated. Romance keeps the fun and commitment alive in a relationship, so if you’re lacking it, you need to get it back if you want your relationship to thrive and survive. Romance takes work, though. You have to put your relationship first and make time to do things that are romantic. Following are some affirmations you must say to yourself in order to do what’s necessary to keep the romance alive.
1. My Partner Is Desirable
First, it’s important to desire your partner in order to keep the romance alive. If you don’t find your partner desirable, then you won’t look for ways to romance them and make them feel loved and lusted after.
Affirm to yourself each and every day that your partner is desirable. If you don’t like the word ‘desirable’ use another word like hot, sexy, or attractive.
Take a few minutes to list out the reasons why they are desirable and then connect with the emotions that arise when you are doing so.
For instance, your partner may be someone who is kind, considerate, and patient with you. Do you know how many people would love to have a partner who is kind, considerate, and patient? These are desirable traits that you should admire and appreciate on a daily basis. Allow yourself to feel appreciation for how they treat you on a daily basis and you will find yourself connecting with this emotion.
If you can’t think of anything because you are in a place of anger or hurt, try thinking of someone else desiring your partner. Why would they be attracted to them? Often this will help you remember those qualities that get forgotten or dimmed after being with someone for a while.
This appreciation will help you keep your focus on the things you like about them and make you want to be more romantic with them.
2. I Make Date Night A Priority
After you have been together for a while, there is a routine. It’s really hard to be spontaneous without interrupting the other person’s routine or expectations of what is happening.
In fact, an interruption, such as a surprise romantic dinner, can be the opposite of romantic when one person has already mapped out their evening in their head.
Date night is a commitment to each other and your desire to share new and romantic experiences together. It’s a time where you can go out (or stay in) and focus on each other without interruptions because it’s planned. It’s a time where you can have a shared experience that builds intimacy and encourages romance.
Once you make date night a priority, you will find that you feel more connected with your partner. Because of that, you will feel more romantic with your partner on all nights, not just date night.
3. I Have Strong Relationship Goals
This is REALLY important, but most people don’t bother doing it.
After taking The Lifebook Quest by Jon Butcher, I realized that my relationship goals were not as strong as my other life goals, and it was a big wakeup call as to why the romance had been dwindling in our relationship.
Jon Butcher and his wife Missy are so romantic that they would make people bitter on lovesick. But, their romance is alive and kicking because they make their relationship a priority and have strong goals in that area.
They are so good at it that they teach other people, through their Lifebook courses, how to look at all areas of life, including relationships, and make strong goals that lead towards more fulfillment and happiness.
4. I Pay Attention To My Partner’s New Interests, Habits, And Beliefs
Almost all of us change. To expect your partner to be the person they were when you met is unrealistic. It happens with a few stubborn people who do the same thing from the moment you meet them to the moment they die, but you shouldn’t count on it.
Human growth is about developing new ideas, beliefs, habits, and interests. Therefore, expect your partner to change throughout your relationship.
Paying attention to their new interests will help you keep the romance alive. You will be able to surprise them with things that matter to them or come up with date night ideas that appeal to them and make them feel appreciated and loved by you.
Take these three steps:
- Listen to your partner when they talk about their experiences (what they read, heard, or experienced) and how they have impacted them.
- Acknowledge their excitement or the value they find in these new things by listening, asking questions, and taking the time to have conversations about it.
- Keep in mind their new interests and create, buy, or plan things in relation to these new things to help them feel even more validated by you, thus increasing the romance in the relationship.
5. I Make Time For Physical Intimacy
If you want to keep the romance alive, you must make time for physical intimacy. There’s no way around it.
Obviously date nights are a great night to be physically intimate. But, this is one thing that you may want to make time for spontaneity.
For instance, on a Monday morning when you have a few minutes before you need to get ready, or out on a hike where you know no one is around, you can get a little intimate. Or, you can just initiate a cuddle on the couch as you watch your favorite show.
Take time to touch, connect, and enjoy each other’s bodies in one way or another. When you do this on a consistent basis, you will have a much easier time keeping the romance alive as you feel excitement and passion towards each other.
6. I Speak Kindly To And About My Partner
There is no better way to kill the romance than to verbalize your anger towards your partner. It makes you feel disconnected from each other in a variety of ways.
- You see them in a negative light.
- They see you in a negative light.
- Feelings are hurt.
- Problems are not resolved.
- Trust can be broken.
When this happens again and again and again, how can you expect to keep the romance alive? You are too busy keeping the anger and hurt alive!
One of the best affirmations you can say daily is that you speak kindly to and about your partner. Affirm that you will NOT be mean, rude, or short-tempered with your partner. Also, affirm that you will not talk about your partner behind their back, as that can really come back to bite you in the ass.
Take the time to cool down when something happens and communicate with your partner in a respectful way. Your sense of connection will benefit from this and so will the romance in your relationship.
Also, compliment your partner as much as possible. You should be the one lifting them up and making them feel great about themselves. When you become their biggest cheerleader, the romance can’t help but increase.
7. I Initiate Romance Often
If you find yourself waiting for your partner to initiate romance, then it may be time to adopt this affirmation.
They may be waiting too. Or, worse, they may think you don’t want to be romantic because of your lack of initiation, so they don’t even bother.
In general, the more you give, the more you get. When you treat other people the way you want to be treated, they often return the favor… unless you are with a real selfish jerk who doesn’t care about making you feel good. In that case, keeping the romance alive is not your biggest issue.
Just affirm to yourself that you initiate romance often, whether or not they have initiated it themselves recently. Don’t get bogged down by what they have or have not done. You do what you need and want to do, and feel good that you are making your partner feel good and adding romance to the relationship.
8. I Take Time For Myself
Lastly, too often people become dependent on each other in a way that kills all romance. When you are constantly together – being the same person pretty much – you lose that feeling of missing your partner, which is so important to keep the romance alive.
The heart really does grow fonder with some time apart. Even a few hours.
Moreover, part of what makes you so appealing to your partner is your uniqueness and mystery, so make sure you take time to work on yourself, be by yourself, and maintain that uniqueness and mystery.