The no contact phase is a period of time after the breakup where you have no communication with your ex whatsoever. – Brad Browning
If You Don’t Break Contact, You Don’t Break Their Desire To Stop Dating You
If you want your ex back and you are constantly texting, calling, or communicating with them in some other way, let me give you some advice – STOP. The more you contact them, the more you will push them away.
You may think that no contact with your ex will cause them to move on, but it’s usually the opposite. Unless you had a really horrible relationship or really hurt them, the chances are good that cutting off contact will encourage them to miss you and get back into contact with you.
This Is Especially True If They Broke Up With You
If they broke up with you, and you keep communicating with them, then their feelings are not going to change.
It’s this simple: Something that you are saying or doing is causing them to want to break up with you, and the more you say and do those things, the more they are going to want to break up with you!
By contacting them constantly, you are constantly reminding them of what they didn’t like about your relationship, and without a break from that, they are never going to be able to focus on all the good things your relationship brought to their life.
When you shut down contact, they have a chance to reflect on things other than what caused them to break up with you. Soon, they start to realize that it wasn’t all bad and they start to miss those good things about your relationship that they enjoyed. And that’s, in my experience, when they usually reach out and contact you.
My Experience With The No Contact Phase Of Getting Your Ex Back
I didn’t even know about the no contact rule or phase the first time it worked for me.
My boyfriend had taken off without a word. He didn’t tell me why he left. He didn’t give me a reason. He just left. I tried calling him and texting him and contacting him in every way I could, but he never answered me. Eventually, I simply gave up on trying to contact my ex because it was causing me so much pain when he wouldn’t answer me back.
After about a month, I figured he had moved on completely. I was making supper and my phone rang. I answered it and a guy asked for my roommate. I told him that my roommate wasn’t there. He said okay and hung up. A few moments later he called me back and admitted that he was my ex-boyfriend. He told me that he missed me and wanted to meet up with me. Eventually, we got back together.
The no contact phase is what gave him time to reflect on our relationship and me, and he ended up realizing that I was the best girlfriend he had ever had and wanted me back.
In the end, I really was too good for him. His ethics were horrible, to say the least, and his life was going down the drain due to his decisions. I was maturing and growing, and we obviously were on two different paths.
That’s one of the things you learn when you get your ex back. You stop stressing out about them breaking up with you and needing them back in your life, and, it becomes easier to see why you may not have been a good fit in the first place.
In any case, that happened quite often during my dating life. I would stop all contact with an ex and they would become desperate to get ME back. I didn’t have to do any work. They would call and want to go out and then confess how they thought the break up was a mistake.
Yes, They May Go On Dates
One of the things I found is that the no contact phase gave me plenty of time to reflect on our relationship and them plenty of time to reflect as well.
No contact isn’t just about not communicating for a week. It usually takes a month to give each other the space needed to start a real reflection on the relationship. The type of reflection that causes them to miss you.
Sometimes during that period, your ex (and maybe even you) may go out on a date or two. That’s usually a good thing.
If your ex goes out with someone who is not compatible with them, then you instantly look better to them. You become that comfort zone that they want to get back to. They start to reflect on your relationship and your compatibility, and it becomes apparent to them that you have some qualities that other people just don’t have.
They Won’t Forget About You If You Stop Contact
I’ve never had an ex forget about me, even after 10 years of being apart.
If you were in a relationship together, then your ex has memories of you and will run into reminders of you all over the place. Songs, restaurants, smells, and people are all going to remind them of you.
In other words, unless they suffer from brain damage, they are not going to forget about you.
In fact, I have found that during the no contact phase, I would remember my ex even more. I would reflect on them and the good times we had together. I would wonder what they were doing and how they were doing. I would start to forget about the issues we had and think of them in a fond way.
That’s the thing about having a connection with someone. It doesn’t just suddenly go away.
It’s Really About Balance
If you are not convinced that you should stop contact with your ex for a while, think of it this way: The more you try to get your ex back, the more you push them away.
Imagine someone constantly contacting you, crying, begging, or wanting to talk about something serious. That’s uncomfortable. That’s a lot to take. And you would likely start to try to hide from this person because it’s too much. You don’t want to listen to them or think about what they are saying, you just want them to get away!
But once they start to back off, you stop putting all your energy into hiding from them, and you have time to reflect on what they were saying.
You can think.
You can breathe.
And the need to hide from that person gets replaced with the need to communicate with them about what YOU are now feeling and thinking.
So, if they have cut out contact with you completely, eventually you will contact them to talk.
Then, instead of one person constantly dominating the conversation, you start communicating in a way that is comfortable to both of you. You have a balanced conversation that helps you both get your feelings out and work through any issues you are having.
That’s when you and your ex can really start getting to the bottom of what went wrong and work on finding solutions to help you build a stronger relationship – if you decide that you both want to go forward with one.
The No Contact Period Is Part Of Getting Your Ex Back
Going through the no contact phase is not a guaranteed solution to getting your ex back. But, it’s an important part of it!
You also need to ensure that the issues that caused the breakup are dealt with if you are going to get back into a relationship with them. That means that they made need to change or work on themselves, but it also means that you may need to change and work on yourself.