Have you ever felt like you don’t like someone because that person always seems better than you? Are you threatened by the mere presence of that someone? If you feel this way to a certain somebody, then you are probably insecure with him or her.
Hard to admit, right? However, if you want to overcome this, then you need to accept the reality first. You have to face your insecurities and fight them head on before they swallow you up.
So, what are the signs that you are insecure with someone? Here are six of them:
1. Stalking that person’s Facebook is your addiction.
If a day does not pass by without checking on the timeline of a certain individual, there are only three probable reasons for that: one, you got a crush or in-love with him or her; two, you are an avid fan; three, you consider that person your rival. If your reason is not one or two, then the answer is obvious. You want to be updated by his/her every move so you know if you are ahead or behind—and you and your friends have something to talk about.
2. When s/he does something bad, you criticize; when s/he does something good, you criticize.
Whether the person does something negative or positive, you still think and talk badly about him/her. When s/he does bad, you tell yourself you are right about that person. On the other hand, when s/he does good, you convince yourself s/he is a hypocrite. In your eyes, s/he cannot do anything right.
3. You secretly steal glances at his/her outfit.
Every time that person passes by, you can’t help but stare at him/her from head to foot. You want to make sure that you look better. Whenever you are aware that your paths will cross, you see to it that you put your best foot forward. You will never let him/her outshine you. And when everybody compliments his/her stunning fashion, you always find a flaw or bad angle.
4. You hate it when s/he gets praised by others.
This is in connection to # 3. You really hate it when that person gets all the admirations, especially in the public. You keep telling yourself s/he does not deserve it, and you are way better than him/her. Then, you try to steal the limelight by showing off. You can’t accept defeat!
5. You feel good when s/he fails; you feel bad when s/he succeeds.
You actually know it is wrong, but you can’t help it. You let out the evil laugh in your mind whenever you find out that person flops at something. S/he is a loser after all, you say. You feel so good, and it makes your day. However, when s/he celebrates success, it irritates you—and it ruins your mood.
6. Surpassing him/her in everything is your ultimate goal.
Competing against that person becomes your motivation to improve yourself—whether he knows it or not. You want to prove that you are better than him/her in every way. S/he is a threat to you, because probably s/he does better in an area you are passionate about like sports or studies. Or maybe you are constantly compared to this person by people you want to appreciate you. Or probably s/he is the love interest of your special someone, and you just can’t see what s/he has that you do not have.
How you can overcome insecurity
Insecurity is the sister of jealousy. You tend to dislike a person, because s/he is a threat to your comfort zone or territory.
This is a normal issue even among animals. In a pride of lion, males fight and kill each other so that there will be only one left to lead. Then, when male cubs grow older, they have to leave the group and create their own pride before the reigning king could kill them. Wolves also fight for the position of the alpha in the pack.
Insecurity may be a primitive instinct common to humans and animals for survival, but as a civilized person, it can do more harm than good. When you let insecurities defeat you, your self-esteem and relationship with others will be destroyed.
Here are some tips that can help you overcome your insecurities:
1. Know that it makes you pathetic.
You may sometimes feel that you do better than the person you are insecure with, but actually you are in bondage to the thought that s/he is better than you. Remember, that is the reason why you always struggle to prove yourself. That alone makes you a loser.
2. Appreciate your uniqueness.
You need to understand that you are unique and special. You should not feel bad when someone is better than you in one area, because you cannot get everything. Each person has strengths and weaknesses, so you just have to accept yours. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, celebrate your strengths.
3. Compete with yourself, not against others.
Competition can be a good motivation, but only when aimed at the right opponent. Stop trying to be ahead of others. This way, you do not have to feel proud when you do better than others, and wallow in self-pity when you fail to beat them. Instead, compete with the past you. Challenge yourself to be better than yesterday.
4. Stop stalking.
Stalking is a mental disorder that triggers envy and jealousy. If you cannot resist the urge, try the seven-day challenge of not doing it. They say it takes 21 days to establish a habit, and 7 days to break it. So, take those 7 days slowly and seriously. Reward yourself for each day you accomplish it.
5. Try to be friends with the person.
This is a tough challenge, but if you succeed, this can help get rid of the dislike that eats you up. As you know him/her better, you begin to see the person’s positive traits. Who knows? You may realize s/he is not that bad at all.
6. Challenge yourself to think and say only positive things about others.
Learning to appreciate others will help you remove the bad vibes you have for them. Control your thoughts and words about other people. As you do so, you feel better about yourself, because you know you do nothing bad against anybody.
Love yourself a little more
The best weapon to fight insecurities with is love. As you love yourself, you see that you don’t need to be better than anyone else, because you are good enough. And, as you love others as yourself, you start to be selfless with them.
Image courtesy of cocoparisienne