If you really think about it, being in a relationship with someone who is miles away from you is not that hard. Additionally, given the right emotional and mental preparation, temporarily bidding farewell to the person you love is not really as heartbreaking as what is often portrayed in the movies.
There are different ways to make a long distance relationship work and the success of an LDR will depend on the couple’s perspectives and how they handle the complications that come with this kind of partnership.
However, some LDRs don’t work not because of the lack of love and effort but because of the several obstacles that can only be overcome if couples are mature and open enough to make a change.
Here are some of the reasons why your long distance relationship won’t work.
1. You’re a negative thinker.
The only way to survive this lengthy and often frustrating process of long distance relationship is to have a more optimistic perspective in life. This is because time and distance won’t really matter as long as you’re looking at your relationship from the right point of view.
For instance, negative thinkers tend to imagine the worst scenarios, obsessing over the terrible things that could happen and sometimes focusing too much on the bad things. It’s both unhealthy and unproductive.
2. You’re too clingy and overly attached.
How often does your partner have to text and call you every day? Do you demand your significant other to tell you everything that they do every hour of every day? While it’s normal to miss them and feel the need to talk to them whenever possible, it’s not healthy.
Being too clingy and overly attached can suffocate your partner and make them feel that you’re becoming too controlling. Try to give them space and time to be without you.
3. You’re too good at lying.
As what we always mention in every relationship advice, a partnership built on lies will never last. If you’re too good at deceiving and putting up a fake front just to make your relationship work, then you’re doing it wrong – especially if you’re in a long distance relationship.
Be honest and truthful, and let your sincerity and love do the work, and believe me, you’ll be okay.
4. You’re terrible at time management.
LDRs won’t last if you’re both too busy with your own lives. Although you need a certain level of independence and free time for yourself, you also have to allot some for your relationship. It’s understandable to put work or school as priorities but it’s better if you manage every aspect of your life well.
Find the balance that you need and try to not take anything for granted.
5. You’re lazy and always broke.
It’s a reality that a long distance relationship can be expensive. In other words, you’re not only investing your emotions but you’re also putting in a financial effort just to make the relationship possible. That’s why it’s important to be productive and to make sure that you have the resources to support whatever is needed to make it work.
You have to consider phone call bills and secure other communication channels like internet, writing postcards, snail mails, etc. You have to be ready to spend thousands for roundtrip tickets and hotel stays during visits. Yes, it may take a lot of work but it’s all worth it.
6. You act fine even if you’re not.
Do you always hide how you feel about certain things in your relationship? How expressive are you when it comes to the things – or actions that hurt you?
Answering these questions is very important because it can make or break your relationship. The point here is, you have to express how you feel and let your significant other know about it. Let them realize that sometimes, the things that they do hurt you. Speak and don’t be scared to look weak and vulnerable.
7. You don’t trust people.
If you can’t trust your partner, you can’t also trust the people around them – and it’s a big sign of something terrible ahead. There will be a point in your relationship when you start to doubt them and stop believing in them – even if they’re telling the truth.
Remember, love can never exist without trust.
8. You have a lot of insecurities.
You rely too much on the appreciation of others to feel good about yourself. In the absence of it, you feel insecure and most of the time, you express your frustrations by being angry and mad at other people – including your partner.
Sometimes, feelings of insecurities can poison the mind and if you always carry this negativity in your everyday life, it’s just a matter of time until it finally affects your relationship.
9. You easily give up.
LDR is a complicated type of relationship and it’s not for the weak and coward. It’s normal to face challenges and get through the hardest obstacles just to keep going so don’t easily give up.
If you’re on the brink of quitting, find your strength in love and let each other be your refuge.
10. You don’t love yourself enough.
A long distance relationship, or any relationship for that matter will never work if you don’t love yourself enough. You have to give the same love and kindness to yourself in order to be the best for your partner.
You cannot give and express genuine love if your heart is empty and lacking of self-appreciation. Believe in your own worth.
ALSO READ: 40 Ways to Love Yourself
11. You crave physical intimacy.
Last but not the least, a long distance relationship will never work if you rely too much on physical expression of love and intimacy. Most couples don’t make it and often break up during the first months of an LDR just because they crave pleasure that cannot be satisfied by simple phone calls or text messages.
Love should be above and beyond the physical and you have to do your best to keep going no matter how many times longing knocks at your door.
Photo by Andrii Nikolaienko