The best thing about having a romantic love for a person is when he/she is able to return the same feelings to you. But how about the ones who don’t? The ones who weren’t given back the love they have for a certain person. Surely, it’s heartbreaking. Falling into an unrequited love is like a nightmare and you wish you could wake up from it in an instant. And what is worse than that? It is your friend you have feelings for. A friend who’s always been your best buddy in good and rough times.
It’s a stage in our life where your endurance with this kind of pain and how you handle it are being put to test. Many people experience this, and yes, you’re not the only one facing this challenge. To get over this unrequited love for your friend, we have here 10 tips for you.
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1. Make sure your feelings are valid.
Having special feelings for someone whom you’ve been with for a long time leads you to the pit of confusion. Questions are circling in your head. You’ll be asking yourself what is it that you feel. Is this a real love or just a mere attachment? So, first and foremost, ensure that what you feel for that person is love and you want to have a romantic relationship with him/her. Make sure that you’re not just misinterpreting his/her care towards you because what you’re risking here is your friendship.
2. Allow yourself to grieve.
The pain of having an unrequited love for a friend is undeniable, knowing that what you feel is real. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back breaks your heart and worse, he/she is the one with whom you spent a lot of good memories. The best thing that you could do at the moment is to allow yourself to feel that pain. Scream. Cry as much as you like. Pour out the emotions that you’re trying to keep for a long time because it’s normal, there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t mind the others who will try to stop you from doing it. It’s you who knows what you really feel inside.
3. Put a distance between both of you.
Putting a space between you and the one you love doesn’t mean that you have to block him/her on your phone or entirely ignoring him/her. Keep in mind that this space will just protect you from hurting too much without completely pushing that someone away in your life. You could take some time off from hanging out with him/her or create excuses to not see him/her. This will actually help you in your healing process. This way, you’ll be more focused on other things especially with yourself.
4. Don’t blame yourself.
Being hurt will start to make you blame yourself for everything. You’ll begin to have doubts and insecurities. You may think that you aren’t good enough for him/her, even though you’ve been with each other for a long time, or tend to criticize them for not loving you back. Know that this is no one else’s fault. Not your friend’s and definitely, not yours.
5. Learn to love yourself more.
You should have some me-time, this will be the right time to focus on yourself and learn to love it even more. Have a new hobby or travel to that place you eagerly want to go to. Distracting yourself by doing the things you enjoy the most will give you the time to breathe in this heartbreaking moment. Take this bad experience as a lesson for you to take steps to become a better version of yourself.
ALSO READ: 40 Ways to Love Yourself
6. Meet new friends.
One of the things for you to overcome this kind of love towards your friend is to meet new people and befriend them. This will divert your thoughts on that matter. It will make you realize that you shouldn’t isolate your friendship to that certain person alone. Build a friendship with others so that the attachment will lessen and that you still have other friends to rely on.
7. Talk with someone about your feelings.
Have a talk with someone about what you feel and your thoughts. It could be a friend or someone from your family whom you can trust. It is also important to ask for pieces of advice from them on what you should do. It is better if he/she had the same love problem. No one could understand what you’re going through but the person who has been in your shoes before and successfully overcame the same thing.
8. Maintain your friendship.
Probably the worst thing that could happen for having an unrequited love for your friend is not the love being unreciprocated to you but losing him/her completely as a friend. Shattering the friendship you built for a long time is much more heartbreaking than being rejected.
To avoid reaching up to this extent, talk to him/her about your feelings. It will be for sure torture for you but there’s no way other than that. Express your feelings towards him/her but let him understand that you want to keep the friendship you have and as much as possible, maintain how you treat each other before. Your romantic love for him/her shouldn’t be a reason to break your bond as friends.
ALSO READ: 9 Inspiring Tips on How to Rekindle a Broken Friendship
9. Accept that your relationship is nothing more than a friendship.
Acceptance is the most important thing to do but also the toughest one. You must accept the fact that your relationship with each other will be nothing more than a friendship only. Since you grew romantic feelings for him/her while your friends, set borders in order to protect yourself from being hurt over and over. Respect these boundaries between the both of you to avoid crossing the line again and hinder your healing process.
Remember that love is not just about your own happiness. Sometimes it’s all about being happy for the person you love even if you’re not the reason behind it. If your friend doesn’t want to level up your friendship, respect that. Be happy no matter what his/her decision is.
ALSO READ: 8 Ways to Get Over Someone You Can’t Have
10. Believe that there is someone meant for you.
“Everything has a reason”. In many aspects of our lives, this could be applied. Just like love, if that certain friend isn’t into you, then someone out there is destined for you. Maybe, it’s not the right time for your paths to cross but eventually, you’ll get there. This happening in your life will help you to understand that in every failure or rejection, there are greater things that come along with it. And if you happen to meet the one who is meant for you, in the end, you’ll be grateful that you went through this phase.
Love is not always a give and takes process because, in reality, you can’t force someone to return back the love you have given to him/her. You must understand that not all things will work how we want them to be. Soon, this pain you are experiencing right now will fade and you can finally move on. Just believe that everything has a purpose and it’s for the best.
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Chinese Translation: 摆脱对朋友的单恋的10个方法
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I fell in love with a guy that had a girlfriend it didn’t start out that way but it happened then I started seeing him less he started to cancel plans on me that we had made a long time ago but the thing is his girlfriend made me uncomfortable so I didn’t invite her ever he did say it would happen though never did so that was a red flag to me so I ended the friendship I’m glad I did too because he is now engaged to the same girl I never saw him again like every guy I’ve ever had a crush on it just happens once I end a friendship then it’s over for real
Well i have a crush on a girl who goes to my same school(she bi, which is cool cause i am too) i dont know how to decribe her cause she pretty,but yea my bsf being my bsf told her i liked her, the sad thing is she sees me as a friend and we are in the same friend group and i am trying to forget my feelings for her.i am trying to get over her but everytime i see her my tummy feels butterfly(She cant date) i dont know what to do
About 4 months ago I met this guy on tinder named Robed and He is a recently divorced man ( when we met it was 6 months of his divorce) on day 1 of us talking , he mentioned on his tinder profile that he was new to the area and he needed to know around town so I reached out to him and we went golfing together and I told him it was not a date and i wanted to be friend and everything was great , we would see each other almost everyday of the week and at first it was overwhelming ( I have really bad anxiety) we travelled together , we went to vegas on 4 of july with his sister and her husband ( so great ) whether it is my anxiety acting ( cause I hate being alone ) he is a walking red flag and although i do not want a relationship with him and he made that clear he does not want one with me ( he said he friendzone me because I friendzone me first ) he said he never wanted a relationship ( I knew that ) but told me because he thought that’s what i wanted to hear and I never had feeling for him but lately he is closer to another girl and we dont hangout often anymore and doesn’t help me with anything i ask help from but he told me I’m his favorite person , we go vacation together , want me to move him with him and have his baby ( the audacity of men ) buy me gift spoil me , he said he was sorry for playing emotional game , he said i like you a lot , you are my favorite person and you are beautiful but i don’t know what i want right now ( translation i don’t want it with you ) and someone only have to tell me once
I’m starting to catch feeling and cannot stop myself and i know he doesn’t feel the same but maybe it is just anxiety
talked to my therapist
so I decided to deleted all the photos we took together and not text him or call him for a while , though i know he will not even notice but it will help me , it takes me a few days to get over people believe me
I’ve known him all my life, ever since I came to Canada as a 9 month old baby. Lemme tell you a little about our friend group. We’re all childhood friends; the oldest being 20 and youngest (me) being 16. He’s 17, one year older than me and his sister is also apart of the friend group which makes things 100 times more awkward. He’s also the only guy in the group. So I fell in love with him one day when we were on facetime (just the two of us. I don’t do it with anyone else) it kinda hit me out of nowhere. I was over my little crushes on him in the past but I dunno I just felt it it might have been brewing for some time now. He’s giving me mixed signals, which confuses me. I just don’t want to get my heart broken.
This one time on his 14th birthday I was trying one some of his sisters old clothes that she was donating, they all told me that I should try on the dress. It was kinda ugly but regardless I tried it on. I was wearing a white shirt and when I took the crop top off I accidentally dropped it in Onyx’s (his dog) water bowl. It was pretty funny actually. Anyways, as soon as I told them he offered to get one of his hoodies for me to wear on top. Which was adorable. I diddnt end up wearing his hoodie since his sister gave me one of her shirts. We were all in her room so they were kinda sus when he asked to grab his hoodie.
There was this one time when we were at this park and I was complaining about being cold since I was wearing shorts and he offered me his hoodie. I feel so bad that I quickly responded with a no, but the others were here, not his sister, but practically, but it’s always been different with us. He doesn’t treat me same.
I dunno if the others suspect, I’m guessing they do. I really do love him, but I’m not ready for my first heartbreak, plus our friendship is great we always tease each other. On top of that i’m friends with his sister… like really good freinds with his sister. Btw theirs 6 people in total in our friend group. 4 others, other than me and him.
I need helpppp
Hi, clary. This guy sounds like a really sweet friend. I can understand how much you don’t want to lose his friendship and I can also understand not being ready for your first heartbreak. My advice would be to talk to him about your feelings hypothetically. Wait for when you two have some time alone together, then ask him hypothetically something like, “Have you ever thought of us as a couple?” or “Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we dated?” Make sure he understands you’re just being hypothetical.
If you talk to him this way, you don’t have to put your real feelings out there, but it still gives you two the chance to talk about your potential for a relationship. But if you do this and he does express a desire to be more than friends, make sure you’re ready with your response. Are you ready for a relationship? Is that what you want? Think about these things before you talk to him. And if you’re not ready, that’s ok. Take your time. There’s no rush. I hope this helps.
This article is really helpful for me as I am trying really hard now to get over a friend who is probably the most empathetic person on earth. It’s been three years since I first met him. In the beginning, I thought what I felt for him was mere attachment as he would give me attention and wouldn’t dismiss my concerns as I am naturally a pessimistic person, but we had a fight recently and boy, it hurt. It hurt really badly. I tried to end this friendship but every time, the thought of being alone without his loving smile stopped me. I am trying to heal myself slowly….hoping for a bright future.