Are you in an unhealthy relationship? Are you being abused, manipulated, or treated poorly? Are you mistreating your partner? Are you or your partner not present in the relationship? Do things constantly feel rough and bad in your relationship? If so, then you may be wondering whether to stay in your unhealthy relationship, or you may be trying to figure out what to do next. Either way, following are some quotes that may give you more clarity on what to do.
1. What Does The Love Of Your Life Look Like?
Message to those who are young and in an unhealthy relationship… that isn’t the love of your life. You will find someone else. Let go. – Toni Romiti
This is a smart young woman. She is only 22, but as a 40-year-old who has had many unhealthy relationships AND found the love of her life, I can attest to her wisdom!
I know so many people who stay in unhealthy relationships because they think they are with their soulmate – the love of their life. They are miserable, but they say things like “He/She is the love of my life and this is just the way our relationship is!”
The love of your life will be respectful, kind, understanding, patient, fun, encouraging, and all those other good things. They will make you a better person. They will lift you up. They won’t drag you down, make you feel bad, or keep you stuck where you don’t want to be.
- The love of your life will actually focus on loving you.
- The love of your life will do loving things.
- The love of your life will make you feel loved!
So, if you are using the excuse that the person you are with is the love of your life even though you are miserable with them, then you may want to rethink that. The love of your life may actually be waiting for you to leave your unhealthy and unhappy relationship so they can show you what real love is all about.
2. Not Totally Sure If You Are In An Unhealthy Relationship?
If she is in an unhealthy/abusive relationship, TELL HER. No matter what that does to your friendship. Most times, she could be blind to it. – Nikhila
This quote was in response to what the ‘girl code’ means to you. But, I think it’s important for all people – men and women, to understand. If you know someone in an unhealthy relationship, they may not know that they are in one! They may need outside insight to see what’s happening.
Which means that YOU may not know you are in an unhealthy relationship. You may see some signs, but your emotions are blinding you to the truth of what is happening.
You cannot surround yourself with blindness and expect to see. – T.D. Jakes
Most people don’t disclose their unhealthy relationships with their friends or family, but if you are ready to start feeling happier, then you need to find one person who can give you their opinion of what is happening. It can be a stranger, a therapist, a person you are familiar with, or an expert in the field. And, if you can find more than one person to share their insights about your relationship, then you will have a greater chance of seeing what is going on clearer.
Who should you ask?
- People who seem to be in loving relationships.
- People who are balanced and not unhealthy themselves.
- People who are not on your side or your partner’s side.
- People who have had some life experience and have learned some valuable lessons.
- Experts in the field of relationships.
These are the kind of people who are going to help you spot if you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Bottom line – Don’t just sit there and wonder. Find out what you may be blind to and give yourself a chance to do what needs to be done to become happier.
3. Have You Invested Too Much Time?
The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a year is being in a bad relationship for a year and one day. – Dr Phil
A lot of people I know claim that they have already invested years of their life into their unhealthy relationship and it would be a waste of that time to leave the relationship now. But, I see it differently.
While it’s not a great thought to think you have wasted years of your life, as Dr. Phil says in the above unhealthy relationship quote, spending another day in your bad relationship is the only thing worse you could do.
If you stop engaging in the unhealthy relationship now, you won’t look back 5 years from now and regret spending another 5 years with that person. As soon as you decide to leave the unhealthy relationship, you are changing your life. You are putting a stop to the unhappiness, confusion, and, often, misery that is felt in an unhealthy relationship.
There’s a lot of time left to experience happiness. Make the most of it!
4. Want More Out Of Life?
Staying in an unhealthy relationship can keep both of you from finding your way and moving to the next level in your life. – Bryant McGill
It’s not just about the dynamics between you and your partner. The rest of your life is affected negatively when you are in an unhealthy relationship.
For instance, your unhealthy relationship can cause you to feel unhealthy. Being unhappy and stressed all the time can drain you of energy to look after yourself. And it can mess with your hormones and immune system and keep your body in a constant state of struggle.
It can also affect your other relationships. For example, a friend of mine hasn’t seen her brother but once a year over the past 7 years. She barely knows his kids. She barely knows him anymore. Why? Because he is in an unhealthy relationship and is too busy struggling with that relationship, his health, and his self-worth to engage in a loving relationship with her. It’s sad, but it’s true.
If you want more out of life in your career, health, and other relationships – in general, your happiness, then escaping an unhealthy relationship may be the best thing you ever do. You will be able to put your focus on more uplifting things, and you will be able to start to work on bringing more of what you want into your life.
5. It’s Not Normal To Be In An Unhealthy Relationship
We have normalized some really unhealthy relationship behaviors as a society. – @rodimusprime
Being unhappy in a relationship seems to be the norm, but only because we have allowed it to be. We’ve stopped expecting more for ourselves. We’ve started to accept that abuse, jealousy, mistreatment, lying, and other unhealthy relationship behaviors are a part of life.
They don’t have to be.
You set the terms of what you get. If you want happiness, respect, honesty, and love, then you need to expect that out of any relationship you engage in and don’t settle for anything less.
Stop normalizing those unhealthy relationship behaviors… stop excusing them. We are all capable of being loving partners, and you should expect nothing less from someone who claims to love you.
6. Is It Better To Be In An Unhealthy Relationship Or Alone?
You can be married and alone. You can be married and by yourself. – Iyanla Vanzant
This is another thing I’ve heard from a lot of people both online and offline. “Well, it’s better to be in an unhealthy relationship than it is to be alone!”
Again, bullshit! That’s just an excuse people use to stay in a relationship that is bad because they are too scared to leave and see what it’s like on their own.
It is SO much better to be alone and doing things that make you happy than it is to be in a relationship that makes you feel alone and bad about yourself and your life. So. Much. Better.
Loneliness is not good, but you don’t have to be lonely. You can be with friends and family. You can engage with your community. You can volunteer. You can reach out to other people and feel supported and cared for, even without a partner in your life.
7. Your Partner Is Not The Only Problem
In an unhealthy relationship, there is not a sick person and a well person. – Mastin Kipp
- If you are being abusive, then it’s not just about you. Your partner is accepting the abuse and participating in some way.
- If you are being abused, then you are accepting the abuse and participating in some way.
For instance, a friend of mine is in an unhealthy relationship with abuse. She lets him manipulate her and abuse her and cheat on her. She doesn’t stand up for herself. She doesn’t try to fix the relationship. She has the mentality of a victim and allows this to continue day after day even though she has many other options.
The truth is that many people have left their unhealthy relationships and started working on living a fulfilling and happy life.
How you think, how you behave, what you do, what you expect in your life – all of those things are up to you. You can change your mind and your behavior, and you can change your life at any time.
8. I’ll Change Him Or Her Eventually
You cannot change people. Only God can. You can harp on that person all day long, but all that’s going to do is make matters worse. It’s going to bring more strive and more division. – Joel Osteen
No, you won’t change anyone who doesn’t want to be changed.
If you don’t believe in God, that’s fine. Just believe that the only way someone can change is by choosing to change through some internal voice that makes them realize they need to change for their own good.
Your input will do nothing, just like other people’s input will do nothing to make you change until you decide to.
Even ultimatums don’t work. One woman I know left her husband and demanded he changed before she got back together with him. So what did he do? He pretended to change until she took him back and then he went back to his old ways. It’s been 12 years, and they are still in an unhealthy relationship. He hasn’t changed and she is miserable. He didn’t want to change. He just wanted to get her back so he did what he needed to do until that happened.
Don’t let that happen to you.