Realizing that your crush does not like you is a painful rejection, especially for teenagers or young adults who tend to be more emotional. However, as you grow more mature, you would learn that it is only a normal part of life.
Accepting rejection is a mature but not so easy step. However, what could be more challenging is when you find out that the reason why your crush would not like you is that s/he likes someone else–and that person is no other than your friend.
If you are confused about whether you should continue to be friends with the person your crush likes or not, check out these tips.
1. Stay nice to your friend.
Even after discovering the painful truth, please, never be rude to your friend. It would be embarrassing on your part as it would reveal that you are bitter. Also, that would show immaturity on your part since you cannot accept defeat–if that is how you consider it.
Another simple reason why you cannot hate your friend is that you are not in a position to do so. Both your crush and your friend have the free will to like whoever they get attracted to. As long as they are both uncommitted to any relationship, they have the right to date anyone.
2. Accept the truth about them.
Accepting the reality as early as possible would help you move on more quickly. Being in denial that it is your friend your crush likes–and not you–would only make it more complicated in the long run. You would be repressing that disappointment and jealousy towards your friend, and no matter how much you fake it, it would be evident soon.
Whereas if you start accepting the truth now, you will heal sooner. Yes, it would be painful to admit that the person you like does not like you back, especially if you have been convinced that s/he is the one for you. However, the sooner you wake up to reality, the earlier you can shake off that illusion.
3. Be genuinely happy for your friend.
If you can see that your friend is happy with your crush, be selfless enough to be happy for him/her too. Good friends celebrate with one another in times of triumph. Better yet, true friends are willing to sacrifice for each other’s happiness.
Remember, your crush decided to like your friend. It means that even if your friend did not like him/her back, it would not change the fact that your crush does not like you. Therefore, there is no use getting mad at your friend. Just be sincerely happy for him/her because maybe they are meant to be–and you are meant to be with someone else.
4. Give yourself space.
Nevertheless, if you are really hurting, and seeing your friend reminds you of the pain, do not force yourself. It is okay to put distance between you and your friend temporarily. Allow yourself some space until such time that you have already accepted the truth, and you can be genuinely happy for them.
To avoid misunderstanding, be honest with your friend about why you need space for a while. However, assure him/her that everything will be back to normal between you again. You just need time to absorb things.
5. Remember that your friend is more precious than your crush.
Do you hate your friend for dating your crush? Maybe you feel so jealous and betrayed that you are thinking about cutting off your friendship. It is normal to be angry when hurt but is getting rid of your friend from your life really worth it?
Throwing friendship away for a person who is never yours in the first place is not a mature way to deal with the situation. Think about the years and memories that you and your friend have shared. Are you willing to give up your friendship over someone who does not see how special you are?
6. Think that someone else is out there for you.
Another way to make it easier for you to let go and keep your friendship is to be optimistic about your situation. Think that maybe it is for the best that you stop liking your crush as early as now. Perhaps, your friend liking him/her is just an instrument to convince you to move on.
Just think that if your crush is not the one for you, then someone else somewhere is waiting for your paths to cross. Be excited to go through the moving-on process and use it as a chance for you to improve yourself and prepare for the day you meet the love of your life.
7. Avoid being bitter towards your friend.
Certainly, your friend never intended to hurt you, especially if s/he is not aware of your feelings for the person s/he is dating. If this is the case, then it is unfair to be bitter or mad at your friend. You should not give that person the cold shoulder as if it is his/her fault that you are not liked back by your crush.
How would you know if you are bitter towards your friend? You are bitter if you cannot be sincerely happy for your friend, and you wish for them to fall apart. Whenever you see their photos together on social media, you feel unhappy, annoyed, and jealous. Another sign of bitterness is if you cannot stop talking behind your friend’s back.
8. Do not think of your friend as a rival.
Stop seeing your friend as a rival or competitor. It will not do your friendship anything good. If you still want to keep the individual as your friend, do not consider competing with him/her in any way.
Your friend is not a competitor or an opponent. It just happened that s/he got the thing you could not have. However, it does not mean that s/he wants to take everything else from you. Just be selfless and stop being envious.
9. Realize that you have no right to be mad.
Technically speaking, you have no reason to hate your friend for dating your crush. You do not own your crush nor your friend. Thus, you have no right to be possessive.
If you are angry at your friend because s/he has always known about your crush, yes, it is normal to feel hurt or betrayed. However, it would not be healthy to stay angry at the person for a long time. Without forgiveness, it would cost you your friendship and peace.
10. Choose to forgive, if applicable.
Talking about forgiveness, you need to release it for your own benefit. If you keep that hatred in your heart, it will be a poison that would kill your joy and love for others and yourself. It would be hard to be happy and optimistic about life when you have repressed bitterness in your heart.
Be generous with forgiveness even if you never receive apologies. Forgive your friend for dating your crush even if s/he knows about your feelings. Forgive your crush for not seeing your worth and making you feel rejected. Forgive yourself for falling for someone who cannot be yours.
Let Go and Move On
The most mature and best way to handle your situation is to let go of your unrequited feelings and give way to others. Then, decide to move forward since it is not the end for you. Be excited about what life has in store for you.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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Chinese Translation: 如何应对你的朋友与你心上人约会的10种方式