Letting go of someone you still love is hard to do. You cannot imagine living your life without that person in it. This is why there are people who snap because of too much depression, lose the will to live a productive life, or worst, commit suicide.
However, the fact that you are reading this blog means you want to fight off the pain, move on, and continue living your life. That is a good thing. It may be a hard journey, but at least you are on your way to moving on.
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16 Ways to Move On When You Still Love Your Ex
Here are 16 ways that will help you move even if you still love your ex.
1. Do your best to fight for your love.
If you love the person, a friend once told me, fight for him/her as hard as you can—until you get tired of fighting. Being prideful, I found it foolish. However, I realized she was right. If you really love the person, do not give up on him/her immediately. No matter how stupid it seems, fight for your love. You may fail in getting him/her back, but at least you know you have done your best to save your relationship. This will help you avoid regrets in the future.
2. Accept that s/he is gone.
If fighting for your ex does not bring him/her back, you have to proceed to the next step: acceptance. Since there is nothing you can do to restore your relationship, you have to accept the reality that it is all over. Denying this fact would not help you a bit. That is why you need to condition your mind that s/he is not coming back.
ALSO READ: 14 Signs Your Ex is Over You and Doesn’t Want You Back
3. Think that if you are meant to be, s/he will come back someday.
This is different from holding on. You open yourself to possibilities. To make it easier for you to accept that s/he is gone, believe that someday you will get back together if the two of you are meant to end up with each other. Leave everything to destiny—that is your only hope, whether you like it or not, because you already did your part and nothing happened.
4. Let go of memories and the things that remind you of him/her.
I know this is hard to do, but if you are serious about forgetting the person, you need to courageously let go of everything that connects you, including the memories. Stop reminiscing about your good times together because it would only hurt a lot. Return his/her things, throw or burn those s/he gave you unless keeping them does not affect you much.
ALSO READ: 8 Tips to Let Go of the Past and Move Forward to a Better Life
5. Direct your focus to other important areas in your life.
Life is not all about love and romance. That means you can still live even if you have no boyfriend/girlfriend. Divert your attention to other areas such as career and personality development. Look at how many career-oriented people set aside romance so they can focus on becoming successful. Maybe this kind of perspective can suit you for now.
One of the temptations of brokenhearted people is stalking their ex. Admit it, you cannot resist the urge of checking the social media accounts of your ex because you miss him/her. You want to know how s/he is doing and if s/he gives away any hint of missing you too. How can you move on, then? To avoid this, decide to go on online hiatus for months or until such time you can resist the temptation already.
7. Stop communicating with his/her family or friends.
You might keep on reaching out to your ex’s relatives or friends, hoping the contact can help you stay close to him/her. It is like asking for reinforcement from them to help you get back together. However, if your ex gets mad knowing about it, then it is a sign you need to stop. Plus, you only make it hard for you to forget him/her.
8. Find someone you can talk to about your feelings.
Having someone who would patiently listen to your whines and cries even if you are only talking about the same thing is therapeutic. At this point, you need less advice. What you need is a listening ear so you can express your feelings without judgment. Find a family member or friend whom you can trust and who understands what you are going through.
9. Do not rush moving on.
I know you want to forget the pain as soon as possible, but it does not happen that way. Be patient with yourself. The more you try to move on faster, the harder it gets. You cannot force a wound to heal fast, right? The moment you think it has healed because it already dried up and you peel its skin, blood comes out again.
10. Avoid being alone.
Depression is a common effect of heartbreak—and you probably know how it can be devastating. To avoid getting depressed or to overcome it, always surround yourself with people. If you are staying in your own place alone, find a friend to stay with you for a while, or if possible, go home to your family. They will surely understand.
ALSO READ: 16 Ways How Not to Be Sad All the Time
11. Be physically active.
I have been repeating this in my other blogs—you should engage in physical activities. Do regular exercise or find a sport you can enjoy. Aside from the enjoyment, which helps you forget about your pain for the moment, it will help your body release endorphin—a pain reliever hormone.
12. focus on other people important to you.
Your ex is not the only person you love. You still have your family and friends. Just direct your effort and care to these people. They are the ones who stay with you at this hard time, so they deserve to be treated special. Spend time with them, especially your family.
13. Focus on loving yourself.
Aside from your family and friends, you, yourself, deserve your love as well. Instead of thinking you are unlovable because your ex left you, be the first one to encourage yourself. Eat healthily, get enough sleep, and avoid stress so that you will stay fit. Pamper yourself and be attractive—not for anyone else but yourself.
14. Find a new passion.
Romance is not the only thing that can keep you passionate. Discover your talents and interests. Use this opportunity to find what you are good at. Maybe you can have a new hobby like painting or playing instruments. Focus your thoughts and energy on it so that you will feel productive. This will help you avoid depression.
15. Be happy for your ex.
If you still love your ex, it means you have to be selfless about his/her happiness. Even if it hurts, pray for him/her to be happy in the new chapter of his/her life—even if without you. Love is not self-seeking. You should want the best for the person you love, even if it is a sacrifice on your part.
16. Consciously decide to be happy.
There are bad circumstances you cannot stop from happening because you cannot control everything. However, you can do something about your response to what happens around you. Therefore, instead of allowing depression and loneliness to suffocate you, strengthen your will to decide to be happy. As the cliché goes, happiness is a choice. Decide to look at the bright side always. It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible.
ALSO READ:
- 14 Ways to be Happy and Strong After a Breakup
- 9 Evident Signs God Wants You to Move on From a Relationship
There is life after a breakup.
There are still other things you can do even if you have lost the person you love. Do not allow the pain to stop you from living. Live for those who constantly love you. Live to pursue your dreams. Live for yourself.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
Books recommended for you:
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Chinese Translation: 当你还爱着前男/女友时，16种让你放下前进的方法
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Thanks for the inspiring article.
My girlfriend and I broke up 1 month ago. We ended it in kind of bad term. But I tried to fight for the reconcile after that. I know that I was doing my best to save my relationship. It did not go well actually, she saw me as a stranger quickly. But I am proud of myself since I did something to actually save the relationship. Now I still miss her badly but I can accept that she is gone. I know the pain is still there in both of us. I am just glad it heals.
I am needing s ppl me help! Me and my fiance has been together going on 6 years. We have had 2 miscarriages and now 2 living beautiful girls. I just found out he has been talking with another girl for a few months. Now I just gave birth to our second child. This isn’t the first time he has cheated. But I love him so much I just want too forgive him and have him come back home. I know I deserve better but just seem to not be able too get him off my mind. It is so hard too function everyday. There is no trust at all though since he cheated the second time. I dont know what to do! It’s so hard and confusing on what I want.. can someone help me with handling this situation. I’m just really breaking inside but trying too hold it together for our kids.
I have an affair with my very long crush..
But after we met he dump me.. Because he is being conscience with my husband.. I try to fight for my feelings for him.. But he refuse me.. I know its wrong so i will stop it
I think that every one should pray and trust in the Lord to lead their lives in according to his will! I too lost my wife of ten years and three children later! It sucks! I get it it hurts, but sometimes God takes people away for his own reasons, to get the distractions out of the way, and get our attention!!! You know for a while I strayed off and started using drugs, and I had a very well paying job, I made sure everything was payed, and everyone had what they needed! And if I wasn’t high, I would try to please and love my wife as much as I could, but little did I know I had pushed her love away! So she ended leaving me and I was all alone, without my family, driving around with nothing to do! I felt all alone and lost!
Later one night, I was driving down some dark country road and just started crying out of pain and hurt and anger, and I called upon the name of the Lord! The name that is called upon the most! Jesus!!! I said Father God I call to you, hear my cries, listen to my tears hit the the ground, for i am lost and have lost it all! My children, wife, everything that I posses! Lord I need your help, for I can’t do this on my own! I’m badly on drugs and seemed to can’t shake it off! I’ve hit rock bottom! And still falling! Please Lord take away the temptation and the bondage, the slavery of addiction! I repent to you father God and ask for forgiveness of my past sins! Then I thanked him and praised him as I continued to drive! As I was pulling back into town, something said go home, so I did! When I got home I started banging on the door and told her I just wanted to get a few things and she didn’t open the door! I turn around to go back to my truck and I see cops coming! I lived down a dead end street so I hopped back in the truck and passed them up. Then they turned around to come get me, at that point I went on a chase through a residential neighborhood going 65 miles per hour! But they were keeping up with me! Then a vision enters my mind of a stop sign! Then I heard a voice say stop! So I pulled over and I was arrested! She had put a protection order on me without even knowing, so I go to jail! Even though I had money sitting in the bank, no one would bond me out! So I stayed! I ended up going to the hole after a fight and once again all alone with full of pain, knowing I lost it all, most of all my family! So as I was in segregation in anger I yelled to God! Why am I here, why have you taken my life, my family, job, siblings, everything!!! And then fell asleep in tears, as I slept, I had another dream, it was a ball of light floating coming down from the sky, then I see this light enter the chest of a person who looked like who would be Jesus ! Then he turned to me and said you wanted my help didn’t you! I said is that you Lord and he said I am!!!
Then I woke up in tears but full of Joy, because I thought The Father, the son, and the Holy Spirit would never talk to me, but he did, from that moment I turned my life around, but not because I did, but with his Grace! I got out of jail a month later and I enrolled myself into a rehab that was a year long program! Now I’m done with that and now I’m a mentor at another rehab program and giving back to those who have helped me, those who are like me, and to serve God anyway I can! He has given me hope and a future to prosper me and to give me back my life! I now have a great job again in the Rv industry as well , I see my children again, and life has moved on! I still pray for restoration between my ex wife and I, but it’s up to his will! Plus there has been a lot of damage caused, a lot of hurt between us both, but we still talk and laugh and eat together! But what I want to share with you all is: sometimes the Lord takes away everything in your life or even a spouse to get your attention! If you think about it, thru my mess at the end when I was living in death, I would use drugs, I had a great job, so the love of money, I had nice vehicles, and when I wasn’t high I would try to love my wife as much as I could and try to please her, but what I didn’t know was that all of this was idolatry! So all these things I worshipped as my God, and God is a jealous God! So I finish with this! Leave your burdens and worries to the Lord! Just pray for those you love and step out of the way! Don’t butt in his works! Let it go! If you don’t your still running your own life, have faith that he will make things better, than believe it! He wants you to call upon him and wants the focus on him! And with that he will bless you in many ways and give you back your life, but even better with him leading!!!!!!!
Thanks for your suggestions! well, its been 2nd half years since i let him go but still could not forget him.Though have started focus on my passion “Poetry reciting”. And also moving forward with my career. But you know, sometimes i just stop n when just think about “why me?” n all about my dedications. i just could not resist myself being broke. It hurts too much but life must go on. So i had to get back to struggle with my life!
I miss my ex so badly. we were together for 7 months, and a day before our 8 months he was moving to strafford. he was avoiding me and treating me like i was nothing. then after our physical ed he called me a hoe and said we were done. its been around a year or so and i still think of him every second. every relationship has been hell because i cannot find someone to fill the black hole in my heart. i dont know what to do without him.
I know, I know, I’m 16 so I’m too naive for this stuff, but I’m really heartbroken. I loved this boy for longer than three years, and many of that time had been spent unrequited. Met him in middle school, and we dated twice, but after our first break up, I realized I needed to get him back, and I did. Somehow, for about a year, I managed to get back with him. Our relationship the second time was amazing. He made me feel wanted, like I meant something to someone. But a week ago, and I must mention this was long distance, me living 30 mins away from his town, I found out there had been a girl at his school that he’d been hugging and hanging out with. You may think “oh god, teenagers..” but I had no idea about this girl. I didn’t know she even existed. And it hurt so bad. When I asked him about it, he freaked out and turned it on to me, as if it was my fault, then he stopped responding. He texted me later on as if a light switch had switched his love off, his parents had said things to him about me that weren’t true, and persuaded him to end things between us. So about two days of complete ignoring me, he calls me and breaks up with me. It made no sense to me because I really believed our relationship was beautiful, amazing. He promised a future with marriage and kids, and he wanted to prove everyone wrong who didn’t believe we’d make it, and I promised this back. I loved it, I loved him. I still do. And this was a real love. One I know I will still think about in the future. So there I was, fighting to get him back, fighting for our love, when his parents suddenly threatened that if I didn’t stop contacting their son, they would call my father. My father didn’t care when I told him, however. But to respect them, I stopped contacting him directly and asked friends to help me get to him, find a way to change his mind, bring him back, say at least one word to me, anything. And then I realized, he just wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t figure out why. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t enough, why he didn’t want me when you can’t just stop loving someone so suddenly like that. Why would he leave me after all we went through? I asked. But I had no answers. I asked my best friend who was also his really good friend, (who wants nothing to do with him now, and you’ll see why), to give him his stuff back. Every physical thing I had that meant something from him, I gave back. I don’t know if he went through it or not though. He most likely didn’t care. I fought so hard for my love for him, losing almost everything in the process, only to be thrown away like some piece of trash. Like I didn’t matter. Like nothing even though he had told me I was his everything. And it’s made me question my self-worth a lot. Am I really worth it in this world? I found out today that him and this girl had their first date, that he had been off campus for lunch, and when he came back, he was with this girl that he was having that fling with. And when I thought I was getting better, that felt like I’d been hit with a truck. I had forgotten about her, but hearing that answered all my questions, as well as crushed all my hopes. When he called me to dump me, the first thing he said was “this isn’t about *her name*” and she hadn’t even crossed my mind that day. Then I realized if it really wasn’t about her, he wouldn’t have said that. He wouldn’t have mentioned her. And he kept saying to friends that it was his choice to dump me, and that he’d been planning it for a while. I had no idea I had been a burden on him, and I never knew I wasn’t enough, that the very strong and intense love that I had for him wasn’t enough even though I put literally everything into him, but it made sense. He’d been having that fling for a long time and never told me about it. He had planned it with her, I knew something had developed with her because he was not the hugging type for just anyone. He once promised that he’d never leave me for another girl, and as much as I knew the relationship was likely to end, I didn’t want it to. I knew it was possible for him to find interest in someone else, being long distance, but I never believed he’d actually find someone else. It hurt like a mother f**ker, it really did. I haven’t been able to stop praying and wishing and hoping for him to change his mind and come back, but so much damage has already been done, right now is not a good time. Nor will it be for a bit of time. He was everything to me, and for him to leave me for a different girl, along with ignore me, and go as far as to ask his parents to tell me that, well…I believe it was a very immature and cowardly thing to do. I believe he is a coward, yet there is no way for him to get his head out of his parents asses for him to realize that. I’ve stopped trying completely, because I love knowing that if we’re meant to be, we will get our chance some day. I find comfort in knowing that even though the chance is very small, it’s still there for us to get back together one day. I do want him to be happy. Everyone I know is pissed at him for this but I have forgiven him and want him to continue to feel love, and I am glad he does not have to feel the same pain I do. I can’t deny that with the way he handled this, karma will come to bite him in the ass though. Oh it will, it will…especially since the girl he left me for is way more insecure than me and cries all the time, from what he told me, but for now, I have a best friend and other friends who won’t leave me and are here for me. And those are the ones worthy of my love now. Plus, there’s already a guy at my school who’s caught a little bit of my attention. As a bit of advice and a somewhat moral, communicate. Communication is key, for the love of god please communicate with your loved ones, about ANYTHING. It’ll save EVERYTHING if you do. He never communicated about any of it, but I really believe that if he had at least tried, we would never have broken up. But, if there is another chance in the future, I’m sure he will know what to do correctly and we’ll come back stronger than before. Thank you for taking your time to read this, I greatly appreciate it. I’ll be getting into roller skating as a hobby soon so that’ll get my mind off things and I’m excited. Again, communicate, if you’re reading this, tell that person you love them. I don’t care who, if you love them, tell them. Thank you all, bless you all, we will be okay again, I believe in us brokenhearted to find the motivation to love again. Goodnight. <3
My girlfriend and I had the perfect first date and quickly fell hard for each other. Dating as an older adult is hard to navigate and I had dated others occasionally before I met her. Some stayed in touch with me. She was insecure in some ways and U always tried to make her feel safe. After a year I had her looking at rings. We were beginning a process of making a future together. We always communicated well. Then I blew it. I saw someone I dated before her and we hung out for a bit. She found out I was dating the girl I wanted to marry and contacted her. Claiming she was dating me and sent her old pictures. It popped a hole in the trust my girlfriend had in me. She held on for three weeks. It seemed things were going to be ok, even though I was worried. I wasn’t ever certain things were out of the woods even though she assured me they were. She made plans for us and spoke to me about them over the phone. The plans were two weeks out. Her kids were upset about the situation and spent time with her after she made plans. I was on my way to see her for the night four hours later and she ended the relationship. That has been almost 8 weeks ago. I have been a mess ever since. She is the love of my life and I fought for her. I still find myself wanting to fight for her but she has cut me off every way she can. I found her in a dating website a few weeks after the breakup. She has not been without anyone more than a month or two in 8 years. She is beautiful, smart, and charming. It only took her four weeks on there to find someone to date exclusively. I know her paths of dating and so when she disappeared from the site I knew she was disappearing from me. I don’t know how she could say she was committed, wanted us badly, still wanted to marry me and then suddenly ends us and has moved onto someone else in seven weeks. I can’t go on a date without feeling guilty or seeing her or us together. I love her with everything I have. My friends know, anyone who has seen us together, even strangers, would comment on how much they could see I love her. I want no one else and the pain is excruciating every day. I dont know how or if I can move on but I need the pain, the death of our relationship, the missing everything about her and us to go away. It’s the pain that paralyzed me. We always talked about everything but she did not give us a chance to talk about ending us. She appears to have let people outside our relationship help her decide our fate instead of us doing that together.
Broken Hearted
After 9 month’s with a Pakistani girl ( yes i am white british ) who i totally adored we returned from holiday and the day after she told me she was to be married to a man her father had chosen to be her husband .
I try my best to be strong but i am crushed beyond words and cannot see myself ever recovering from the heartache i just break down and cry constantly i cannot go out as i have too many memories and i cannot even put the radio on in my car as she always sang to me whenever we went out for a drive
I know 9 months is not a lifetime but believe me i fell head over heels in love with this girl from day 1 and do not feel i will ever move on from the pain i feel now
Alan, all I can say is that you’re amazing. You can do this.
xoxo chlo
I dealt with a guy for 5 months, caught feelings and then out the blue he stopped the relationship and here it is a year later and I’m still in love with him. I see him nearly everyday since we work for the same place. I can’t move on even though I’ve tried. Some advice on how to move on is desperately needed!
My ex still want me back after three month of break up he still visit, call, text me
I just don’t know what to do
I went to Las Vegas with a man I’ve fallen deeply in love with and he has been living with me and my children for 14 months. I thought he was taking me so we could reconnect because he’s been talking to his ex-wife and we haven’t made love since July. Needless to say the trip was a disaster and on the ride home he asked me how he could get over his ex? He tells me that she is his forever. They have been talking almost every day and she has another man in her life. He will not tell her about me though. How do I help him put her in the past and move on with me?
Am so heartbroken..I always thought he loved me but I was wrong,I guess I have to move on no matter how hard it is and how sad I feel about everything.
Chia.
Hi don’t worry. Look first of all your 10 times better then him. Don’t forget the right man for you will come. Don’t beat yourself or think low of yourself. Pull your socks up get out there and have fun girl. I am 26 and I just broke up with my gf 1 month ago. We knew each other for more then 5 years. It’s was amazing every moment with her. But she had a habit to talk to other men from the start. I didn’t think much of it but a few months down the line and they getting closer via emails etc. She left me. A few years later I see her again and this time she is married. I am still madly in love with her so we had some fun together. The next day no contact for the next 2 years when she told me she has a child now. I went back to her. Yes I know right crazy but I loved her more then anything in my life. And now after all the good times. She gone talking and making future plans with the same guy she did 5 years ago. So yes Chia I know how you feel. Remember it’s not the end of the world. Love yourself and the right man will love you and treat you like the queen you really are. God bless you. Don’t forget always have hope. I am lost myself and broken but what can you do.” No matter how much you try to fix a shattered glass you can always see the cracks”.
I am 26 years old .I have been single for almost three years now so I net this guy a month ago whom I really liked though I did not want any relationship cuz if ny past experience, he made me felt in love with him only for him. We dated for a month and we started having a little misunderstanding .he woke up one morning and told me he can’t continue with the relationship again cuz I snobed him…..I beg him to give me another chance but he refused……really hurt and confused cuz this is something I have been avoiding for the past two years.
Chia.
Hi don’t worry. Look first of all your 10 times better then him. Don’t forget the right man for you will come. Don’t beat yourself or think low of yourself. Pull your socks up get out there and have fun girl. I am 26 and I just broke up with my gf 1 month ago. We knew each other for more then 5 years. It’s was amazing every moment with her. But she had a habit to talk to other men from the start. I didn’t think much of it but a few months down the line and they getting closer via emails etc. She left me. A few years later I see her again and this time she is married. I am still madly in love with her so we had some fun together. The next day no contact for the next 2 years when she told me she has a child now. I went back to her. Yes I know right crazy but I loved her more then anything in my life. And now after all the good times. She gone talking and making future plans with the same guy she did 5 years ago. So yes Chia I know how you feel. Remember it’s not the end of the world. Love yourself and the right man will love you and treat you like the queen you really are. God bless you. Don’t forget always have hope. I am lost myself and broken but what can you do.” No matter how much you try to fix a shattered glass you can always see the cracks”.
I dated this guy for 4 years since 2017 we had our own problems..he was the only person i was closest to the one i could tell everything..now he breaks up with me and told me that he find someone better than me..i feel like my life has been stolen i feel like i can just commit suicide and die and now that i find out that m Covid19 positive i dont get time to do what i love or associate myself with other people . It hurts i fail to sleep and eat because everytime i try to close my eyes all i think about is him. I just want to die but m afraid i might hurt my loved once. I dont know what to do or who to talk to ..i tried talking ti people but they are not saying what i wanna hear; its been tough i still love him alot i dont see myself giving my heart away to another day for the rest of my life if i survive this pain but i dont think m gonna survive
hi how are you doing
so i need some input on a current situation i have now, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me , first he said he wasnt in a good spot to give me a relationship , because of his depression and suicidal thoughts but i didnt want to if he still was in love with me then its something im willing to do for him , give him space whatever he needed but with me as a girlfriend not as a friend. we agreed on giving it time but two weeks passes and he says he doesnt love me the same way i do him .. it confuses me so much why didnt he just go with that right of the bat. i still feel that he loves me , cant even answer if hes sure about this he gets upset and annoyed with me saying that im dragging it, which hurts a lot , i love and care for him so so so so much . ill accept any feed back
I am a single mom now of two beautiful children after an 11year relationship who I was going to marry we were engaged . I appear he one day told me he didn’t love me anymore but later I found out he was talking to someone who happen to be my son’s teacher who knew I was engaged. We are now going for 8 months being separated but we are on contact due to the children. He does at time tell me he wants to work things out but changes his mind. I do not think this is fair even if I love him truly I have given it all I had to fight for my family but there is only so much we can handle. I have now left it in the hands of God going to church and getting the help to heal from this break up has helped me. I just now decided to let him go I feel I fought enough for him to come back home. I didn’t succeed but at least I know I have done the best to save my relationship my family. I now have a piece of mind and no regrets. I am a changed women gave it all the best I can. Took me 8 months to recap his never coming back and that’s ok. I have a bigger Love god and my children who need me. Now I just pray the best for him and to be happy in his new chapter of his life even if its without me . Its a hard process but if you gave it all the best you can at least you know you tried. I have faith and believe I am able to move forward . No matter how much I love this man I have now have to let go .
did he get together with your son’s teacher? Surely that is against the code of ethics for a teacher? You should complain to the authorities?
I’m 45 year old woman but look 35 I’m severely flirting with a 30 years old to the point of phone sex. He says he would date me but I feel funny and sometimes he talks about getting marry and having kids. I’m afraid to get involved with him but I’m so attractive to him I really like him. What if I fall in love and then he leave me for a 27 year old so he can get married and have a family and I will be heart broken???
What should I do? I can see me falling in love with him
Thank you
Regina
I am dating this guy and he starts dating someone else he tells me it’s because he needs to get something from the brother but this guy has stopped calling me like he used to sometimes when I call he won’t pick up but he calls this lady like almost everytime even in my presence in a romantic way and at the end of the conversation he will reply her that he loves her too but when i bring an issue of breakup he tries talking me over knowing I love him very much as I talk to you it was since on Tuesday I spoke with him last I called him he didn’t pick and didn’t return my calls what should I do because I’m hurting but I love this guy
This man clearly is not treating you or the other woman with respect.
I would never put up with that. He’s a cheater and a liar. What’s so great about that?
I have been married for 12 years with5 Beutiful children. My marriage is going wrong way and I have tried to change and make things right , but my wife not willing to do it. Several times she been involved in phone sex and now she is talking to someone outside USA by WhatsApp. I tried to talk to her about situation, but she said that’s his friend and nobody will tell her not to talk to him. I fight through this every day because she is home stay mom and this breaks my heart. I don’t want to ruin my kids life, and I have become jealousy, and I’m moving towards divorce. She told me several times that w got raise kids together but I don’t understand why she on that phone every day. Anytime I have conversation with her, it looks like I’m wrong and focus at wrong place. Marriage take both party , but she blames me for everything. I need advice on what to do to save my marriage and not breaking my kids heart. Should I give up? Should I stop asking her to stop talking to other guys on phone? Should I just divorce?
If your wife is talking to strange men on what’s app and you have 5 children, I would caution her.
If she wants to keep the marriage together and you have 5 children, it is not too smart or safe for her to be speaking with random strangers on the internet.
Divorcing her will not solve that problem or protect your children.
I do not know where you live, but I strongly suggest you seek the advice of a third party, preferably a marriage counselor.
No person or marriage is perfect. However with children involved you need to make a special effort. Something may be wrong with your relationship. Try to seek counseling. And, in my opinion, your wife is doing something that is not in the best interest of your children at all.
I suggest that you both go and talk to a marriage counselor TOGETHER.
This is the only article that mentioned about fighting for your love and I appreciate it. It’s not self disrespecting to do that. Without pride and ego. Just going after what you want. That is what I am doing right now and I know I have tried.
I think it’s great to go after what you want, leave no stone unturned.
Really. People who say “go no contact” – well that is great if you really don’t want to contact the person!
This happened to me and I have no regrets about trying to restore the relationship. I can confidently assure myself that I have done all that is humanly possible to make the relationship (which I thought would lead to marriage) work out.
Personally it was shocking and devastating when he left. It took me a long time to accept that he is not coming back.
I think the advice others give about taking down pictures, not talking about the person, etc. is good, but only after you have completely satisfied yourself that you’ve given it your all.
After that, I turn the page so I can be free to have another relationship if a suitable man turns up.
My ex is very active on social media. It really means nothing to me at this point because he is not in my life at all and is not coming back.
Once in a while people say “oh you are so great he will realize his mistake”.
I don’t know about that, but I am not holding my breath. One girlfriend says “oh I am sure he still thinks about you”. I don’t know about that either.
“I saw your ex the other day”. Yes, I see him from time to time too. Once I saw him walking with a new girl on a random street (years after we split up). I have to say that was rather a shocking moment for me, but I lived through it. We travel in some of the same social circles and live in the same town. Unless one of us dies, we are likely to “see” one another from time to time.
All I do know is that I poured my heart and soul into a relationship and the man left abruptly and I was very heartbroken.
It may be useful to remember that a lot of people get divorced, are never married, are single for long periods of time, etc. I know this is a little off topic, but think of all the stories you hear in the news about people harming their ex and/or their families to “break up”. It could be worse,
When I think back on my own life I realize that I was alone for 5 years between each of my previous relationships.
I was younger and more beautiful then. I never wondered why I was alone. I was grateful that I did not have a lying, cheating, drinking or otherwise completely unsuitable man around me.
It is not easy to find a compatible partner. In this day and age especially, people chose their companion as if it is a car. Not necessarily for life, but good for the ride.
I am not a car and I do not need a driver.
I think about that. I am a sovereign being with a soul. I can be myself and do not need to get a stamp of approval from another person. I would love to have a life partner, partner being the operative word.
When I think back on my relationships and consider the fact that I am now alone, I also reflect on the fact that if the person did not want me or I chose to leave, then that was not the right person to be my life partner.
My best advice (to myself) is to proceed with caution. Really watch for the signs that the person is or is not suitable. In hindsight, the red flags are very obvious to me. Look, watch, listen, ask and observe before you leap.
Thank you for posting this article that allows us to share our experiences.
What a beautiful response. You are so wise, thank you for sharing.
I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years, we were planning our wedding but I recently learnt that he’s been cheating on me. I was devastated, he made it appear like it was my fault then asked me to move on. Problem is I loved him so much, I still do so moving on has been quite hard. So I came here to get a few tips, am glad I did. Am hopeful that all of this shall come to pass. But it’s so hard getting him out of my heart and mind.
Iam going through a situation now, i been with my wife for twenty years. We been married for 8. We have 4 kids together. A lot of our relationship was rocky, we had trust issues and we both did stuff to cause it me a little more, all in all she is a good woman and excellent mother, the thing is i know something is going on just about our whole family knows, the ones that live in the house, i tried to confront her about it but she gets so defensive and says i don’t trust her, and iam paronoyd, she gets so upset offended and mad that i could say someting like that about her, she will cry and everything. Trying to make me feel i should of never considered to ever think that thought about her. She even tried to have me aadmitted in the psyche ward. I did a lot if dirt to this woman but i never threatened her or put my hands on her. She has come to hate me now she can’t see no good times that we had, which most if the time i can’t get out my head, but for her to make me think iam crazy and have her whole family thinking iam this terrible paronoyd guy is crazy all the things i did to her i could never do something like this, u really have to have hate for someone to make them think they are crazy and paronoyd. I can’t talk to her cause she always starts yelling, she is my love,but i need help trying to come to except that we got this bad, i want to hate her, but my love won’t let me. Can anyone give some good advices, right now we are living in the same house with 3 of our kids 17, 10, and 4. No matter what happens i want to be in my kids life.
My relationship ended after 33 years and 4 years later I’m still in shock. My ex has moved on and I still cry for him every day. I just don’t know what to do after a life time of loving this man. He just decided one day to get rid of me. I’m stuck in grief and depression and I feel like I’m drowning.
Mairi
30 yrs here, actually dated since 10th grade, I got ill, went into coma, after giving my body heart soul since high school, then married, raised our sons And his daughter ,he cheated,left, divorced, i received not a dime for alimony, through 7 urs separated, an now 2 yrs divorced, i am still celibate, never another man,even dated or kissed, an he just got remarried last week, i gave my life, 16, now 50, an feel my life was wasted, now im ill, gained 40 pounds, an depressed and alone, empty nest too, and losing pur family home because of not being able to work.i pray for Us All.
today would be our 32 nd wedding anniversary
Beloved, I am going to pray for you everyday. In the Mighty name Jesus I pray that he heals your heart your body your mind and your soul. I’m going to pray for your health and finances I’m praying that you are beyond blessed and that your every need is met. I’m praying that you find a way to move forward and be the woman that God created you to be. I don’t your name but I feel your pain. But know God can change things.
Hi, I feel the same as you. The pain is immense and I honestly can’t see a way forward at all xx
i’m going throu the same thing i’m confused also as he said a couple of days before he couldn’t live with out me then a week after the break up he’s now got a new girlfriend and i just carnt rap my head around it and i’m trying so hard
Hi,
I have just reconnected with a long lost love and realized I’m not over him and I’m in a world of pain.
Me and him met while I was living in the US and him in Eastern Europe and it was an insane connection, we continued long distance while meeting in Europe once in a while, for about 3 years.. in 2008 after he took me on a surprise trip to Paris we just stopped communicating and it felt like things were just dying out… I was 22 and still in college and he was pushing hard to grow his business more and I just assumed life took us in different directions..
10 years later without any contact whatsoever, I thought I was over him… I mean I always thought of him when I’d meet a new guy and always compared them to him, he’d pop on my mind once in a while and over time I’d ask common friends about him and had heard he got married and had a kid and was happy for him.. but I just saw him again – it felt like no time had passed for either one of us.
He told me he made a decision 10 years ago to stop talking to me because he didnt want me to give up living in the US and all the possibilities that come with that for him – because I would’ve done it. I wasnt aware of this till now… it felt like he was ripping out my heart, I felt robbed of my chance to happiness, I felt like I wanted to wail..
The 10 years that had passed did not yield any serious relationships for me – none whatsoever – and not for lack of trying out not putting myself out there. I’ve been so lonely and miserable for not being able to find anyone I liked that liked me back…
It’s true that he shaped my standards and had set a very high bar for future contenders, but hes not the only man in the world that’s: tall, dark and handsome with a killer smile, soulful eyes and knee-weakening dimples who is beyond charming, oozes of manly confidence and strength, mannered and refined, funny, super smart and successful, and is able to communicate his wants and needs as well as listen to mine without turning disagreements into screaming matches – right? Well, I haven’t been able to find anyone else like that, especially on the communication aspect..
I know hes not going to leave his wife and kids and I wouldnt want him to, but after this 10 years experiment I’ve realized I’m never going to get over him until the “what if?” question is answered- and I am fully prepared for failure as a possibility, problem is I might not ever get a chance at answering that question and so… how do I move forward? How do I live with that question, how do I stop comparing everyone to him, how do I stop feeling so hurt and cheated and robbed of my best chance to happiness and how do I stop wallowing in self pity? How do I move forward? I’ve tried the no contact and I’ve dated and crushed and all that for 10 years.. and failed miserably… I dont want to be an old spinster with cats.. how do I put this behind me and give myself a chance..
Hi Alina,
My own breaking heart is breaking even more for you. I was with someone for six years who broke my heart time and time again, and eventually left me for good out of the blue one morning. I went through all the advice articles I could find, rebuilt myself into a person I loved, and met a man, fell in love again even though I didn’t think I ever would. I thought I found the one, I thought I would never have to go through the pain of rejection ever again. However, that relationship was haunted by my past, and a year and a half after my first broken heart I was left yet again. Both men had terrible communication and commitment issues, and while I’m having a hell of a time trying to move past my most recent relationship (hence being on this site) here’s my advice to you:
Find and use your anger. This guy was the perfect guy for you, your soul mate, and yet he didn’t give you a say in what happened to the two of you. You know this now and I hope you can acknowledge that you shouldn’t be with someone who sets the path for you. So as you continue to date, continue to use him as a base point, but include both the positives and negatives. Look for someone who is tall, dark and handsome, push him to communicate, and seek someone who questions your needs and is in it for the two of you. Find your anger towards this man, and channel it. If you can find a creative or monumental way to do so, all the better. Be present when you’re with new men, especially if you find someone new to crush on. Be yourself, live in the moment, be wary, and have fun.
Best of luck. I’m sending lots of love your way.
Katie
Re-read the article, then take action on the suggestions….even tho everything in you doesn’t want to.
To the webmaster of this sight:. To post this I have to agree to your handling of my data. Yes, you can own my response. No, you do not have permission to own all of my data in my phone, or have permission to even look at it.
Hi
I am trying to forget my bf who abuse me mentally and physically. But I know he loves me so much and I love him . But I can’t take this anymore. I tried to kill my self few times bcz of him . And when ever I try to stop this relationship he blackmail me and threatening me . But I love him so much . Now I block all the contacts with him for few days . But I’m afraid. I can’t go to authorities . I read ur article and it s very helpful . Thanks
Awe me too going through same how u holding up any tips
I’d really like to know some ideas to get over my ex. We both really still love each other but with his gambling and the father of my children making our life hell it has all played a huge impact on us.
I recently just broke up with my boyfriend and on top of that lost 2 best friends to gun vo=violence and my ex was their for me but he cheated again and this helped me more than I thought I surly appreciate this I thought life was just going to stop but than i’m going to the gym and hanging out with new and old friends and im not sad when I see his name in my phone or I see him in general
My wife left 2 months ago and we are in everyday contact alot she says for the kids sake but im not sure, she says we are over and she just wants to be friends but then she buys me things or gives me things and is really nice to me cooks meals when i go round to hers and we eat as a family, i also got annoyed with this situation and told her thats it we are done over a text but she was ringing me over and over again to ask whats wrong with me. Does this sound like she doesnt really want to break up?
Sorry to hear but that does sound as if she is keeping her options open .It does sound as if she wants to be single but is keeping you on the back burner. It’s tough with the kids as I can relate but I Don’t know the situation , if she doesn’t want you, you have to cut contact and just persevere on and be a dad. Get to know yourself and learn to accept what she wants. Will be tough for a year but you will get better .
Seems to me that she is still holding on to you, i think u should talk it out between urselves and see how it goes…usually until we find a better new partner we hold on to our old ones, so….do reply about ur present status though…
My ex of 24 years finally came to an end a year ago. We tried to make it work again over and over to things only getting worse each time. I have no contact with him which only depresses me more I feel I wasted half my life for nothing. Why would he at least call and check if I’m even alive? Don’t sound like love was ever there. I have tried to date but it don’t work because he’s what I see and think about. Not fair to another guy. I don’t want anyone else but I don’t want to be alone. So lost
I’m sorry for what you go through. But believe me, this too shall pass. Someday, you’ll look back to these moments and won’t feel the same pain. It’ll just be a scar–it’ll stay but won’t hurt anymore. Draw strength from God. He comforts the brokenhearted.
Im in the same boat right now. Im trying to forget about him and its really hard. Not one phone call. He texted me 3 days ago saying how his toe was hurting and he maybe needed to go to the hospital and didnt know what to do. I didnt reply. We have a baby together and since i dont want 2 see him i asked a friend to tell him my conditions to seeing the baby and they were to get him Mon thru Thursday as i know he dont drink alcohol those days because he has to work. He said i was acting childish foe not talking to him and he didnt want to see the baby no more. He wanted me to keep dropping baby off and picking him up all the time. He got so used to me bringing the baby to him.
Really try NOT to date anyone right now. Girl get busy with what you love. Let his mess go. You must look forward. Ok. You have God given talents to share with good people. Be happy like forreal. You got this. You are moving FORWARD day by day.
Thanks. I was just looking for ways to encourage my son. His wife said she wanted a divorce, and he, nor his family saw that coming. We are all stunned. He said he can barely put one foot in front of the other now, and he feels like a failure. They are going on 10 years of marriage with two children. You gave me some ways to encourage him. As for me…I took down our group family photo that she is in. I took down their wedding photo. I took down their family photo. Seeing them all together is too painful. Soon he will have to tell his children that their mother is moving out. You gave many good ideas that I can suggest over time. Thank you.
I’m sorry to know your son’s situation. I know it’s hard beyond words. But just like any wound, this one will heal at the right time. All he needs is be strong not to give up. Your support as a mother is surely a big encouragement to him as well. He’ll get through this. Prayers also help. =)
You remind me of my mother. There is nothing like a mother’s love. Bless your heart & I hope all is well. Have a good day.
that sounds awful. Im curious, how have things turned out?
It’s unusual for the mum to leave her kids, did she stay in touch? How old are they?
Breakups are awful, debilitating. I hope your son is doing OK?
Dave
It really means a lot to me. My ex just had a new one after a day of breaking up with me and it really hurts a lot like I’m dying inside but those words helps me a lot to move on.
Thank you for this inspiring words.
Awe he played u n sad that u put ur everything n he/ she did that i totally know feeling hugs
Hello,
My Ex decided to break up with me while I was working out of town. I was devastated and went missing for a week and everyone thought I was dead. When I finally came home I found lingerie on my bed and other evidence that she had been talking to other men for months behind my back. I was so upset I sent her some really mean emails and she brought the authority’s to my house and put a protection order against me . I never threatened her or was never abusive towards her in anyway. She painted me to be this horrible person. Even though this happened I can’t stop thinking about her. I try and stop myself sometimes but can’t find inner peace. I have tried dating someone else and we have been dating for 5 months. I don’t feel like it is fair to the woman I am dating . Any advice to make me stop feeling like I am dead inside and stop having these compulsive thoughts?
Thanks
Chad
Hi, we have the same situation. My ex had a new one after we broke up. I think he broke up with me because he have a new girl. It hurts a lot. Memories always hunt me. I am hopeless. Very depressing. I’m curious are you doing fine? And how did you manage the pain?
Im going through the same thing. It hurts so bad and i still love him, but i have to move on
i’m going through the same thing we been together 14 year and after a week of breaking up he’s now in a new relationship and it hurts so bad and so confused thou as he said he was happy and couldn’t live with out me so i’m so hurt that he must have lied and i did brake if of with him but i was willing to sort it out 14 year is a long time just to let go be he has and i want to be able to do the same
thank u a lot..i was beginning to lose who am i. i was starting to see myself as a fool but then i believe i will be okay n just let life take its course
Hi Marilyn,
Some words of encouragement for your son…I know that words are not going to take the pain that he is feeling right now away at this point…What he is going through right now is debilitating.
I was married for 34 years and got divorced last year in August…the separation and divorce felt like I had the wind knocked out of myself…I feel I can relate to what your son must be feeling right now.
It may be wise to go to his GP and get something prescribed to help with the anxiety and depression…also he needs to sleep…so the medication will relax him enough to do so. Sleep will help heal him emotionally and physically. I do not need to tell you that he will break down almost every day until he eventually gets stronger. Allow him to cry, and carry out every emotion that he is feeling and just be there and listen to him…no matter what he might say…
8 Months later I am strong, motivated and truly happy…
I wish for your son to soon feel the way that I do…there is someone out there waiting for him…he may not think so now…but she is out there…