Do you feel jealous when your girlfriend hangs out with her male friends? Do you feel insecure when she interacts with her hot boss at work? Or are you paranoid about her relationship with her so-called best male friend? As much as you want to be the chilled-out boyfriend, chances are you’ve felt a pang of jealousy related to your girlfriend at least once.
Now, if you want to stop being a jealous boyfriend and maintain a healthy relationship with your girlfriend, read these 12 tips to help you curb it.
1. Establish boundaries ahead of time.
If you’re not fine with your girlfriend hanging out with her male friends, but she’s used to hanging out with them, she should be aware that it is an issue for you. So, both of you need to establish what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable within your relationship. And it will be easier to sort through your feelings later on when you feel jealous.
2. Drop your insecurity.
Jealousy is usually a result of some form of insecurity. It’s completely possible that someone is better than you. However, there is something in you that your girlfriend loves about you, so stop doubting it before you ruin your relationship. Just be more confident about her feelings towards you. Stop confusing imagination with reality, stop seeing things in black and white, and stop feeling paranoid over nothing.
ALSO READ: 11 Ways to Overcome Insecurities in a Relationship
3. Don’t be a pessimist.
Are you worried that your girlfriend might cheat on you? Or do you get paranoid because you keep thinking about all the guys she talks to whenever you’re not around? If you are thinking along these lines, address the situation immediately. Don’t get sucked into the whirlpool of negative thoughts.
Suspicion can pull you down and lock you in the chains of jealousy forever. Hence, just be optimistic and think of all the happy thoughts in your relationship rather than worrying about things that are simply a figment of your imagination.
4. Stop trusting your imagination.
Your imagination is great if you use it for your own benefit, not if it messes with your mind. Use it to think positive thoughts, just calm yourself and focus on relaxing different parts of your body. Picture out your partner doing all the things that made you feel jealous and see yourself not responding with jealousy. If you stop getting jealous just because you’ve imagined something, you’ll take a step towards regaining control of that feeling.
5. Understand your feelings.
Observe your own feelings and keep an objective distance once you already know what you feel. Look objectively if your girlfriend is doing something wrong. Don’t try to own a person, just give your girlfriend freedom and don’t manipulate her because this act comes from insecurity, not love. Fear is usually the source of our negative emotions but if you truly love her, you don’t have to quickly judge her.
6. Ask when you’re in doubt.
If you’re uncertain about the relationship your girlfriend has with her male friends, don’t hesitate to talk it out with her. Getting a direct and honest answer could kill your jealous fears. While you do so, ask for a solution and tell your girlfriend that you want to get rid of the annoying feeling but you simply don’t know how. If she really understands you, a warm and loving discussion will likely make headway and help you overcome jealousy.
7. Forget about your past.
Don’t let your past ruin what you have right now. Your current girlfriend has no ties to anything that came before, so putting them in the same league as people who hurt you in the past isn’t fair. You can’t change anything that’s already happened, so learn to let go of the past hurt and focus on the relationship you’re in right now.
ALSO READ: 8 Tips to Let Go of the Past and Move Forward to a Better Life
8. Trust your girlfriend and yourself.
Trust is a key element in developing a strong and long-lasting relationship with your girlfriend. So, as much as possible, don’t easily jump to conclusions without knowing the whole situation, believe that you deserve trusting relationships, and always be kind to yourself — because the more you have faith in yourself, the more you’re able to trust your partner.
ALSO READ: 14 Things Men Should Do to Earn a Woman’s Trust
9. Keep yourself busy.
Keeping yourself busy is the best way to keep your mind from thinking all the negative things about your relationship. It could be something as simple as reading books, watching movies, playing basketball or video games. If you think you have nothing to do, just think of the things you’ve been procrastinating. Make a task list and start organizing your life.
10. Decide to act like an adult.
It is important to catch yourself in the moment of acting jealous and get some control of yourself before you reach the “emotional black out” stage. Be mature enough to handle situations like this instead of acting childish. The more you practice doing it, the easier it becomes.
ALSO READ: 10 Ways to be More Mature in a Relationship
11. Focus on how great your relationship is.
Think of all the good times you had with your girlfriend, all the fun and happy moments you shared together. Now, do you think it is worth ruining for? Instead of thinking all of your “what if’s” why not embrace “what is”?
12. Remind yourself that jealousy can ruin a relationship.
Every time you’re jealous, remind yourself that you are about to trigger arguments, fights and in worst cases, a break up with your girlfriend. Playing with the feeling of jealousy is like playing with fire, so you should learn how to avoid it.
These tips are a great way to start if you want to stop feeling jealous and insecure. After all, excessive jealousy is a complete waste of time for everyone involved.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship - Turning Jealousy into Gold:
Overcoming jealousy in the most loving and awesome way! So that your relationships and happiness can flourish.
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It is okay bro…. U should really spy a bit and feel jealous…
I am currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, Samara, who lives in Colombia. I think that I was a bit jealous and made her upset at me by spying on her. Is it okay to be a little jealous of her and not spy on her anymore?
Hello.. I’m a married man and had a girlfriend too.. With quite a long time we’ve been together.. But now she got married..she always tells me how much she loves me.. Still I offer her a courteous apology to stay happy with her hubby… But I still love her… And this relationship with her husband killing me inside.. Coz true feelings and love happens only once
For the good of all, you and her should confront your feelings and have a deep long discussion about what you both mean to each other. Not cool feeling this way about each other when you and her are both married. But if no matter what you still have feelings for each other then you both better tell your partners and leave them because you’re being very very unfair to both of them (your wife trusts you, her hubby trusts her).
Just don’t forget that sometimes unrequited love can have the allure of feeling more intense and powerful than ‘regular old’ love and you may or may not find that you are just as unhappy with your girlfriend because the problem lies within you and not your wife/others
These tips they’ve really help me,I get so jealousy easily, tend to jump into conclusion without gathering more further investigation and to be honest I tend to leavequit that relationship ending looking for another one,but that still doesn’t make me a better person.I used to
underestimate myself a lot,another thing I couldn’t stand to compete with another guy,I was a very coward when it comes to that,but now I’m matured I’ve realized being a coward,insecure,jealousy it’s not healthy for me nor as my relationship.What’s important for me now is to work on my insecurities n I’ve told myself I’m staying on this one,I can’t keep on running into conclusion without gathering more further information, if she’s cheating on me or not….
My girlfriend and I not living together and her parents having problem with her because she still in school. But she really cheating on me because I fear her parents so I hardly go around because of her parents I can’t go to the house. What should I do to mentain the relationship? Both of us having child.
Thanks. I need to get over the stupidity of her touching a guy just because it was a joke and its accidental when you touch someone when it’s funny and nothing really serious happened.
The tips helped me put things in prospective but we have been together for 10 years and have 2 kids together about 6 years ago she left me for about 2 months n I found out she was talking and hanging out with another guy while we were still together I head over heals for her so it hert a lot but we got back together n 6 years latter she started acting funny not wanting to have s3x with me or any type of intimacy at that so went in her phone one night and found out she was talking to that same guy again I don’t know if she ever actually stoped talking to him but the messages where I miss you I love you and other things along those lines I feel she’s in love with him but afraid to leave me at the same time I don’t know what to do at this point but give her space to think but scared to do that and lose her for good and my insecurities of this makes me think crazy all the time leading me to not treating her nicely or saying mean things to her witch I know just makes things worse but I can’t help it every time I see her on her phone witch is a lot my head spins any suggestions how to fix this without leaving her
Thanks!! It helps me a lot, im so madly inlove with my girl but i get jealous when i see her talking to a guy and making her smile and laugh but this tips are indeed helpful
My girlfriend spends more time with another guy. And says he is like my brother …there’s nothing like that, and it’s even true. He really considers my gf as sister. But still I get jealous everytime I see her with him…I just hate it…I don’t even want to talk to her about it…it makes me feel worse….I’m gonna leave her anyhow now….I can’t handle this jealousy anymore…
These points were good but I’m gonna leave her surely…🙃
You better bro that’s not even cool
I do not believe that a woman who is in a committed relationship should be texting or hanging out with single guy “friends”. Way too much opportunity for enhanced feeling over time towards that “friend”. And if she’s drunk, well anything could happen. Its just not wise for her to have that door a crack open, and its not wise for you to think its okay. When I started going out with the lady I love, she had a friend that texted her every day. She actually confessed to me that she was attracted to him, but he’s not attracted to her. That she went on a date with hima few years ago, but he wasn’t interested. They had been texting every day since. Occasionally meeting for coffee or a drink. Well I flat out told her, a few months into our relationship that it made me uncomfortable, and she needed to respect that. She countered with the usual “nothing would ever happen, we are just friends”. I laid it on the line pure and simple; I told her to stop with the daily texting, or I’m out! And I meant it. I said put yourself in my shoes, and I’m texting some girl every day. You comfortable with that? She said well no it would bother me but I would tolerate it. I said well then thats what you tell him. That if the shoe was on the other foot, it would bother you, so this texting needs to stop, out of respect for the relationship. She did just that, and it stopped. I think the lessen here, is neither the guy or the woman should allow anything in their relationship that could potentially harm the relationship.
Thank you so much, i tend to be overjealous. This read is worth it 🙂
Which I can learn from this because am a victim of it
Greatest advice ever, thanks so much for this great article.
Best advice I can give u is cuz am going through that right now is u got trust her a relationship without trust is doomed form the start I have been battling depression to man it’s not easy nothing in life ever is love is a fine tuned instrument. Try the rubber band trick around the rest to that’s what am trying wish u the best of luck with this matter
Whenever i see my gf talking to her best friend and chilling in front of me i feel very jealous even i cant keep myself busy my attention goes to tht thing and it hurts me alot plzz suggest me whether i tell her about it or not?
When you say best friend are talking about a guy or a girl?
He should be talking about a guy. Because it’s the thrash females are always into. Known as BESTIE. A guy can’t get jealous seeing his gf with his female friends.
Thanks for this list im going to try to implement this. I feel like in my case jealousy isn’t what my heart wants. but some how it has a way of pushing to the top of my mind. I don’t want it to be like this anymore.
This is a great list, everything here I have been doing and it is helping so much.
Thanks for posting this.
All of these were really helpful, but I still have some doubts. She sent a “pic” of herself to another dude a couple days back. She was really upset when she noticed I was upset. We had a fight, but I talked her down because in spite of what she did I still love her. Now every time she talks to a new guy and even mentions seeing what he looks like, I dread what kind of pictures they are trading. This is my first relationship, but I want it to be my last. I plan on marrying her, she wants to move in with me and live together a while, but also said yes already, just that we wait 2 or 3 years, since we’ve been dating 6 months. I also get really depressed when she’s not around, and I hate feeling like I’m using her to be happy. She always tells me not to feel like that, if she didn’t want to talk she wouldn’t be here. I keep telling her I’m afraid, afraid of losing her, afraid I’m gonna f**k up before we move in together. She always tells me I’m fine, I’m not gonna lose her. I just wish I could shut my brain off until December 15th, that’s when I’m going to get her, it’s also her birthday.
Do u have abandonedment issue s or bi polar, because, im same way . i hate that feeling when they leave almost feels like their not coming back and ur world is over. Right?
I know that filling going throw it now and it M sucks
Shes still here
Seriously so helpful! I’m madly in love with my girl but I tend to get jealous when one of her friends who is a guy texts her and reading over all of this really helps me. Thank you so much!