A Few Good Reasons Why You Should Start Speaking Kindly To Yourself

Do you speak to yourself as you would to a loved one? Or, do you speak to yourself as you would to an enemy or annoying person who can’t get anything right? The chances are high that you are NOT speaking kindly to yourself because that’s how most people are. Being harsh on oneself is learned at a young age, and not many people are able to shake the habit into adulthood. We speak poorly to ourselves about our body, habits, home, success, productivity, struggles, relationships, and so much more. And, if we can’t recognize our negative self-talk and replace it with kinder self-talk, then we are doomed to spend our whole lives feeling like we are not good enough in any way, shape, or form. That’s just one reason you should start speaking kindly to yourself. There are others.

Woman talking to herself in mirror

Your Reality Will Suck If You Don’t

Nobody else has a hand in creating your reality. Your beliefs, habits, and behaviors are what ultimately create your tomorrows, and they all stem from the way you speak to yourself.

For instance, if you are telling yourself that you are always unproductive, then you are going to feel bad about yourself, which is going to take away from your productivity. Moreover, you will start to feel like you are incapable of doing productive things, and you will fulfill that belief by procrastinating or giving up on things you need to do. But, if you speak kindly to yourself, and tell yourself that you are becoming more productive every day, then you are going to believe in your ability to reach a highly productive level and do things to help you get there.

The way you talk to yourself affects your beliefs and thoughts, which affects everything you do, which affects your reality. In other words, saying is believing.

  • If you want a better reality, start speaking kindly to yourself.
  • If you want more success in life, start speaking kindly to yourself.
  • If you want to improve your skills, start speaking kindly to yourself.
  • If you want to become healthier, happier, or more successful, start speaking kindly to yourself.

By the way: This is also why you should surround yourself with loving, supportive people. When you have a bunch of people, including yourself, telling you that you can’t do it, your reality is never going to change.

If You Don’t Speak Kindly To Yourself, Your Relationships Suffer

If you have a problem keeping relationships or keeping happy and healthy relationships, then you need to start speaking kindly to yourself. Your relationships will suffer until you do.

One reason is very common, especially in romantic relationships. You tell yourself something negative, but you don’t really want it to be true, so you seek confirmation from other people. They tell you the opposite, you don’t believe them, and they get drained from trying to lift you up. That’s just one reason speaking unkindly to yourself can affect your relationships.

Other reasons include:

  • You start to look like the person you are describing. If you are always complaining about yourself to other people, you are painting a picture of yourself that they can’t help but see. Mostly, it’s that you have low self-confidence and constantly need reassurance.
  • You’re not fun to be around. Honestly, if you don’t find yourself talented, amusing, or fun, why would other people enjoy your company?
  • You are too negative. People have their own problems and don’t want to be surrounded by other people who are constantly in the dumps about themselves. They want uplifting people to keep them motivated, inspired, and moving forward.

Make The World A Better Place By Speaking Kindly To You First

Not only is speaking kindly to yourself doing you a favor, but it’s also doing the world around you a favor. Your family, friends, co-workers, and other people you engage with during the day are benefiting from you speaking kindly to yourself.

As you practice speaking kindly, your attitude, perspective, and reactions change towards yourself and towards others. And that will have a positive impact on the world around you.

  • You will be more patient with others and see the potential in them just like you see in yourself.
  • You will be kinder to other people, despite how they are acting or reacting.
  • As you realize your self-value, you will start to see other people’s value, despite their differences from you.
  • You will be able to help other people feel better about themselves, knowing the value of positive self-talk.

When I was sitting down to write this article, I got a text from a friend who said, “I just wanted you to know that I always feel better about myself after I talk to you and I appreciate that.”

This isn’t a magical talent I have. I know that because I speak kindly to myself, I am able to see her negative self-talk for what it is and introduce more positive ideas into her mind when she is telling me about the issues she is having.

Speaking kindly to yourself first helps you be happier, kinder, and more compassionate. If you are into that sort of thing, then start speaking kindly to yourself.

Note: If you are constantly telling yourself what you CAN’T do or be, you should take Mindvalley’s Becoming Limitless, and start realizing why your negative self-talk is bullshit and there are many things you can and should change in your life. In short, it will help you detach from your current beliefs and negative self-talk, observe it, and start changing it.


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