Today in a Facebook group, someone lashed out at someone else for no apparent reason. It was a series of swear words and exclamation points in response to a simple observation. If you are sensitive or don’t like it when people are upset with you, then this kind of mean response for no reason can ruin your entire day if you let it.
What To Do When Someone Is Mean To You For No Reason
When someone is mean to you for no reason, you may find that one of these things works well for you or that you need to combine a few of these things in order to calm down. Whatever works for you and allows you to move on with your day is perfect, so even if you have to use all 5 things to calm down, embrace it.
1. Tell Yourself That This Person Is Probably Having A Bad Day, Week, Month, Or Year
First and foremost, remind yourself that someone who is mean to you for no reason isn’t basing their anger on you as a person, they are basing their anger on them and their experiences in the last day, week, month, or year. Most likely they are not having a good day, week, month, or year.
You can try to put yourself in their shoes, but that’s easier said than done. Often, we can’t understand why a person is being the way they are being because we just can’t relate to them. But we can have compassion for someone who is angry or upset – because we ALL have been in those states.
For instance, one of the nicest people I know became very depressed and mean to others after her dog died. She was extremely close to this dog, and when he died, she was in a ton of pain and had no tolerance for anyone, even if they had good intentions. She was mad at the world and she lashed out at it.
While you may not understand how someone can become so upset after losing their dog, you can have compassion for their pain.
Always remind yourself that someone who is mean to you for no reason is not feeling good.
- They are not happy.
- Things are not going easily for them.
- They are swimming upstream in life.
- They can’t find the light at the end of the tunnel (or they just can’t find the light at all).
- They feel betrayed, abused, or lonely.
- They feel unappreciated or used.
Whatever it is, it has to do with them not you. This can help you have some compassion and avoid reacting in a way that makes things worse for everyone involved.
2. Remind Yourself That This Person Might Have A Disorder Or Illness
There are disorders and illnesses that can cause people to get angry without a valid reason. In other words, when someone is mean to you for no reason, it might just be because they can’t help it.
For instance, intermittent explosive disorder can cause fits of rage for no reason. It can be caused by genetics, traumatic events, or other things, and cause the person to react in inappropriate ways to situations.
Other things like depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder can cause people to be mean for no reason to you.
You don’t know, nor do you need to. You simply need to reach in a way that doesn’t make things worse.
3. Tell Yourself You Got Better Things To Do Than Get Caught Up In This
There is always something better to do than get caught up with someone who is mean to you for no reason. Reacting or taking it personally will just keep you stuck in their negativity longer than you need to be there and ruin everything else in your day.
For instance, are you planning on seeing someone you love today? If someone is mean to you for no reason and you get into an altercation with them, that’s going to bring you down to their level and you will have a hard time enjoying your time with the person you love. You will be thinking about what happened, what was said or done, and how you could have reacted differently.
On the other hand, if you brush off their words or actions, and focus on what matters – spending time with the one you love – you are going to engage in much better quality time with them.
4. Create A Gap
Gaps are necessary to move from one state to another.
- We sleep to get ready for the day.
- We relax before a big night.
- We take a deep breath and give ourselves a pep talk before walking into a stressful situation.
- We take a break in between tasks.
Gaps help us get from one state to another.
If you want to move on from a situation where someone is mean to you for no reason, it will help to create a gap – a space in between the experience with that person and moving on with your day.
Make sure you dedicate 5-10 minutes to that gap so that you give yourself some space to move on.
One of the best ways to create a gap is meditation. It can help you let go and get back into the flow.
5. Use An NLP Technique
Did you know there is an instant hack for changing the way you feel? It’s called NLP, and you can use it for state management.
You are always in one state or another, but how often do you take control of your state of being, thinking, or feeling? When you use an NLP technique, you can gain more control over your emotions, thoughts, and reactions.
For example, if someone is mean to you for no reason, you can get swept away in anger or hurt. If you want to change your state to a better one (where you can let go of that person and what they did or said) try one of these techniques:
- Visualize the situation fuzzy, as if you can’t really see what happened anymore. This will make it less impactful in your mind.
- Visualize the situation exaggerated. For example, when you go over what happened, imagine that the person looks like the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland – and acts like him too. Imagine his words sound like Donald Duck.
- Dull the colors and sounds from the situation. Instead of seeing it in full color, visualize what happened in black and white. Turn the volume down on their voice or horn or whatever they used to be mean to you.
- Shrink what happened down to a miniature size. See the person as small as a kid’s toy and scale everything you saw around them to their size. This will make the situation seem much smaller in your mind.
Use a technique like this, and you will start to view the situation differently. It will have less impact on you.
There are many NLP techniques you can use when someone is mean to you for no reason – or during any other time that you want to change your state.
I highly recommend checking out NLP Hero. The program is packed with information and teaches you many different ways to use NLP to change the way you think, feel, react, and behave.