Going into a relationship is easy. You meet someone, you two get to know each other, fall in love, then commit to special partnership wherein your lives become intertwined with each other. However, while choosing to be committed to someone can be done in a jiffy, maintaining it is an entirely different matter.
As you can see, keeping a relationship alive required hard work, determination, and inspiration. It’s more than simply staying attracted or feeling the spark between you and your partner, because you have made a promise to each other – the promise to explore life and its atrocities together.
But why do a lot of relationships easily fail these days? This is a common question we’ve all been asking, given that relationships come and go as quickly than you expected. Of course, we all yearn to achieve that thing called “forever” with our partner, and the first step to achieve that is by knowing the key reasons most relationships fail.
So, what are these top reasons that can turn your relationship into another breakup story?
1. Having too much of each other.
Let this article give you a refresher. Back in the early days of your relationship, you and your special someone just can’t have enough of each other, right? You go out and watch a movie, talk to each other for hours on the phone, text and chat, take a myriad of couple selfies, and dream of things wild and grand like you’re going to conquer the world together. And there were also times when you two are happy to just cuddle up in each other’s arms and spend the rest of the day doing just that.
However, there are also days when you feel like you’re having too much of each other, to the point that you become heavily dependent on each other’s approval in order to make even the littlest of decisions, or seeing each other’s faces in just about everywhere. This is when the relationship becomes unhealthy, as its concept starts to consume both you and your partner. As a result, either one of you begins to find reasons not to stick together by spending time with friends, focusing on other activities, or worse, meeting new people.
You can actually prevent this from taking place, though. And to do this, you two should come to realize the true value of respecting each other’s individualities. It is because even if you chose to be together, you are still both living individual, separate lives. You should then acknowledge that your partner has his or her own life too – own set of friends, own family members, own beliefs, and own aspirations. At the same time, you should realize that you have your own life to live too, and not just the relationship. By having this established on both each other’s understanding, the lower is the risk of your relationship going kaput, simply because you give each other respect.
ALSO READ: How to Treat Your Girlfriend with Respect
2. You two don’t communicate.
When two people are in love, they do their best to protect each other. And sometimes, they hide some bitter truths just to keep each other from getting hurt. And you know what, hiding things-or more like, not communicating, is a key reason most relationships fail.
Not communicating doesn’t simply refer to not talking to each other. It is more about not being honest with what you want to say.
Yes, it is difficult to tell your partner the truth, especially when you know that it would hurt him or her. But wouldn’t it be better if you are honest instead of sugarcoating the issues you know you two need to resolve? After all, the truth always sets you free from emotional baggage which your relationship doesn’t deserve.
3. You’re not listening.
Communicating also refers to listening to each other’s thoughts without being opinionated. Sometimes, your significant other just wants you to listen to what he or she is saying, without the need of speaking out your own take on things.
Listening requires patience, as you may not agree with your partner’s viewpoints all the time. You must understand that venting is a way for some people to set their emotions aside in order to accommodate sound reason and come up with a good decision. So yes, it is a must that you are able to listen, as this is an essential way to maintain healthy and lasting relationship.
4. You’re not meeting each other’s expectations.
You entered into a relationship with your partner because you both wanted to. It’s a choice. But have you thought about what you want to do with your relationship now that you’re in it?
Your partner may be thinking about going on long-term, while you’re just enjoying the moment. You may be looking forward to getting married and having kids in the next five years, but your partner wants to invest on making memories together first as a couple. Most of the time however, you are expecting more from your partner, and when they come with less, you feel angry and frustrated.
You know this shouldn’t be the case, and perhaps it’s time to think about why you entered this relationship. By agreeing to be together, you also accept your partner’s capacities and limitations, regardless of how these do not meet your aspirations. It’s because that’s what you have loved about that person in the first place, the main reason you committed to being in a relationship.
Commitment is a two-way street. You give and take, and so does your partner. You can’t always expect to receive, nor be always the one to give, and vice versa. But if there’s one thing you both can do, it’s to be each other’s inspiration to dream, believe, and survive whatever obstacle that will come your way.
5. You tend to count whenever an argument arises.
There are people who are so obsessed with being in a relationship, they only focus on the perks they get from it. These may include superficial things such as couple shots, wearing couple shirts, celebrating “monthsaries,” or to efforts such as having someone to run errands on their behalf. And yes, whenever they get into an argument, they tend to count the littlest things they have done for each other, just to prove on who exerted the most to make the relationship work.
Needless to say, this is a major no-no in any relationship. Regardless of the weight of the argument, there’s no reason for you to aggravate the situation by listing down what you’ve done because it won’t in any way help resolve the main issue. Rather, you may want to focus on how to fix the problem together, and move forward together.
6. You evade the real issue.
Another solid reason relationships fail is when either of you start avoiding real problems. Instead of sitting down and talking about them until you’ve come up with a solution, you opt for a quick fix.
For example, your girlfriend is starting to ask about long-term plans like marriage, but you feel like you’re not ready for it yet. But rather than confronting her about your feelings on the subject, you look for diversions, such as treating her out or giving a present, just for her to forget about it. But you see, this topic will be brought up again and again in the future, and unless you don’t have resolve for it, its impact will only grow worse and may damage your relationship.
7. You are not supportive of each other’s individual goals.
Admit it: you do not agree with most of your partner’s life choices. These include fashion preferences, dream jobs, and even places to live in, as well as other heavier decisions. But since you two are in a relationship, you may want to adjust and start supporting each other’s individual goals.
Being supportive means you are giving maximum tolerance on your partner’s decisions and not getting in his or her way to achieve the goal. You can’t always have things only your way since your partner has a life to live too. You may not know it, but his or her decisions are for your benefit in the long run.
8. You want to be the center of your partner’s attention.
There are times when you easily get jealous of the other things your partner puts attention too. This doesn’t necessarily pertain to a possible third party, but more like on his or her hobbies, choosing to spend time with friends, and even dedicating more time on work and other obligations outside your relationship.
If you easily get annoyed by these, you better make some adjustments. Keep in mind that your partner has his or her own life to live too, and so do you. Feeling paranoid whenever these things arise means that you’re not only insecure, but also self-centered, and that you don’t want your relationship to prosper.
9. It’s so hard for you to give full trust.
Do you easily get angry when your partner doesn’t come home on time? Do you feel betrayed when he or she goes out with friends without telling you first, or if they jump into impulsive decisions without asking for your opinion? If you often feel this way, then it’s a sign that you are having trust issues with your partner.
You may want to sit down and talk this out together. It doesn’t really hurt to tell him or her your take on the issue, and why you are having trust issues. While he or she may not accept this initially, it is important that you convey your message and have them understand your side. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will be more than happy to help you in building a foundation of trust.
10. You tend to forget about your limits.
There are certain limitations when you are in a relationship. Of course, you already have a shared yet exclusive space with your partner, and you two have to respect not only each other’s individualities, but also your shared commitment.
When in a relationship, it is important that you know until when you can entertain people who express that they want more than just friendship. Yes, it’s time to stay away from people who flirt with you, and so should your partner. Sure, there are instances when you just have to be cordial with them, but to avoid suspicion and unnecessary fits of jealousy, better distance yourself from these people as early as possible.
In a nutshell
No relationship ever sails smoothly. Of course, you encounter problems, and all you have to do is resolve these together by means of love, respect, honesty, acceptance, and faith in each other. By keeping these in mind and in heart, it’s only a matter of time before you and your partner finally find the road to forever.
Photo by Uroš Jovičić