Do you know how it feels when your relationship ends without a proper closure? It is like dying with an unfinished business. Your soul has no peace. What about being left behind without the chance to ask why or say goodbye? It is like being a kitten left along the street to get lost.
Self-pity, bitterness, and anger are among the main emotions evoked in this kind of ending. Asking yourself if you are that easy to dump is a natural reaction too. Do not let them destroy your self-image.
Here are 14 ways that can help you let go and move on from an unclosed relationship that has clearly ended.
1. Demand for closure.
You were the other half of that relationship. Therefore, you have the right to demand for an explanation for its sudden ending. Try talking your ex into settling issues in a civil way. Assure him/her you will not insist on getting back together. All you need is to understand things and little respect.
2. Stop reaching out if there is no response.
If in spite of your effort to reach out your ex ignores or even avoids you, then stop. Leave a little pride for yourself. Stop running after the person, because it only makes you look pathetic. You have already done your part.
3. Give yourself some space.
At this point, everything seems confusing. There are questions unanswered, and you are torn between hoping and hating. Have a break. Take a vacation and do a self-retreat. For sure, you cannot avoid crying and pondering about what happened, but at least try to relax and quiet your mind.
4. Avoid too much thinking.
Do not overthink the situation. It will stress you out. Look for some things to keep your mind busy. Concentrate on your work or other activities. Find a new hobby or rediscover an old one. Distract yourself from depressing thoughts.
5. Be open to the possibility of reconciliation.
Since your relationship has ended without a formal closure, you can consider the possibility that your ex is just confused at the moment. S/he just probably needs space. Do not close doors yet as there could be a second chance for the two of you.
6. Do not hope too much.
Nevertheless, do not be too hopeful about getting back together. Unless it happens, there is no guarantee of it. Yes, it is good to leave some hope in your heart, but too much expectation may only lead to disappointment.
ALSO READ:
14 Signs Your Ex Still Loves You and Wants You Back
14 Signs Your Ex is Over You and Doesn’t Want You Back
7. Decide to let go.
Letting go means struggling no more and allowing yourself to go with the flow. Just be open to possibilities and be ready for them. S/he may come back or not. Your relationship may have a second chance or not. You cannot control your ex’s heart. Just let loose and wait for the circumstances to make things happen.
8. Do not take all the blame.
The worst thing about breakups without closure is that those who are left behind think something is wrong with them, so they are easy to throw away. Please be easy on yourself. You may not be a perfect partner and you have flaws, but still it was not right for your ex to take you for granted. Do not think it was all your fault. S/he had a part in this mess.
9. Know you deserve to be respected and treated better.
In connection to number 8, you have to see your worth as a person despite your imperfections. One reason that should motivate you to move on is your right to be respected as an individual, which your ex did not honor. You deserve a partner who will treat you better.
10. Do not let it hinder you from living a productive life.
Your world should not stop revolving just because you have been left with no goodbyes. Do not wait for closure before you decide to live a normal life again. Instead of waiting for his/her calls, concentrate on being productive.
11. Forgive even if there are no apologies.
Do not wait to receive apologies before you forgive your ex. What if s/he does not come back to say sorry? Would you forever hold on to your grudge and bear its weight? You can never totally move on. You cannot truly be happy. Therefore, decide to forgive him/her for your own sake.
ALSO READ: 9 Tips on How to Forgive Someone Who Broke Your Heart
12. Allow yourself to explore.
The closure you long for might never come. Waiting for it for a long time could make you waste opportunities to be happy and find love again. You have the right to love and be loved, so open yourself to other people. Meet new friends, and allow yourself to date. Who knows you could be meeting the one really for you.
ALSO READ:
12 Signs He’s the Guy You Should Marry According to the Bible
20 Signs She’s the Woman You Should Marry According to the Bible
13. Wish him/her the best despite what happened.
You know you have moved on if you can already hope for good things for the person who hurt you. Part of forgiving your ex is praying s/he finally finds true happiness as you find yours.
14. Pray for a chance for closure in the future.
I remember having a big fight with a person in my past, and we separated ways without the chance to settle the issue. Soon, I was finally able to forgive him, but it was not enough for I knew I had to apologize. I did not know how to do it, because we lost contact, so all I could do was pray for that chance. After two years, we bumped into each other in the mall. We only had less than a minute to shake hands and say sorry because of the busy Christmas season—but it was all that it took to completely remove the burden from my heart.
Prayer works. Pray for that closure to come your way at the right time.
It is hard to let go of a relationship without closure. However, it is harder to hold on to a love that may be long dead already. Set yourself free from uncertainties. If that love is meant for you, someday it will come back. If it is not, then something better is on its way.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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Photo by Luke Pamer
Its the hardest that he thinks his always right and didnt do anything wrong, been living in a lie for 4years, why is life so hard.
When I was 22 years old, I had a ‘no strings attached’ fling. Shortly after it ended, I found out I was pregnant. I sent two letters, but never heard from him. My plan was to give the baby up for adoption. Then, I had a miscarriage. The guilt I felt nearly destroyed me. I felt like God was punishing me for the predicament I had gotten myself into.
For the next two years I partied non-stop and made a ton of bad decisions. A few years later, I met my husband and had two beautiful children. Fast forward 30+ years, and the guy from when I was 22 showed up on my radar. Feelings and emotions I didn’t know I still had, almost knocked me off my feet. I never believed in “repressed emotions/memories” until it happened to me. When I reached out to him he said he never knew… At first I was speechless. I couldn’t find my voice to respond. Was he telling the truth? Was he too embarrassed or ashamed to say that he did know? I’ll never know. He did the admirable thing and apologized for what I went through. Where I’m still struggling for closure is — the letters I sent to him (in 1986) were never returned as “undeliverable” or “address unknown”. Either he knew, or someone read them – and chose not to tell him. I know I should be happy with the apology and that should be enough. So, why is it not?
Hi, I am struggling, my girl has left without closure, i did not had a heartbreak despite she had announced to her friends that she is in relationship with someone else. What should I do? Should I wait for a heartbreak or it will be like this forever?
It has been over thirty years since my heart soared high with a love.The day it happened, a phone call. When she called she said “Called to say hello and see you later? Not good bye but see you later.. haunting words to this day. The usual what happened!? The months of hoping, turning into years. The rebound, and trying again. Two Christmas cards sent in the last 20 years with no reply. Did she find resolve? Maybe she felt she was not worth seeing me again? Has a new love? I been wanting to call her but I am afraid too all these years. Yes, I found her and know where she is now. Ohio, me in Florida. I tried for many, many years to start over. Make new memories with someone. No closure to this day. I am so tired of trying off and on. Why has god, fate, chance or what ever cursed me with this? I really want to fall in love again, and they fall in love with me and make new memories I truly do. I dated off and on for years with a true intent to start over. I gave up about 10 years ago. I am in my early 60’s now. The last time I was happy in heart and soul was in my 20’s. Am I being stupid? Foolish? They say when you feel sad think of things that made you happy. Well, what made me happy is making me sad. I curse the mornings, the nights. I am going to die a lone man and it angers me. I wanted to make my own closure by starting over. The last time I was happy was with her. Am I being foolish and not being able to let her go or am I beating myself up with foolish self pitty? Who ever said its better to have loved and lost and to have never loved at all must have been dying.
I love what you wrote and so sorry what you experienced. “Heal your wounds and thank them, when you are ready, for what you have learned about yourself through your suffering.” This is so very true and after a few years, I have really gotten to know myself so much better, learned about unhealed inner child wounds, and even though it was such a painful experience, it was so enlightening and actually INTERESTING to figure out why I was attracted to this type of person and that I was trying to get approval from my someone who was like my FATHER. Guess I never felt I was approved of by him! Or good enough. But these relationships were HORRIBLE. Seems when you go for the handsome, tough, devil-may-care type you often find them to be arrogant and abusive and narcissistic, domineering, pushy, and hot-tempered! Anyway, thanks so much for pointing out the positive, because it really was fun discovering myself and why I was doing what I was doing in the first place!!! When we understand our patterns, we can change them!
I am searching the internet for anything and this is only about a co worker female friend who for 3 months we were real good friends and so I asked her out and (long story) now she has avoided me at all costs. In the past I have known to be cautious of 20 something women – I am 52, but she was different and special and at least 25 years younger. Anyway I thought no matter what we would be co worker friends for a long time. Basically (see long story) I never got a chance to just stay in the friend zone. There is a lot of helpful info on the internet but this happened 5 months ago and I still cannot get her out of my mind and I am sure some kind of closure would help. In short I have never been happier than when seeing and talking to her at work. She works at a store for a 2nd part time job but there is a very good chance she does not work there anymore
and did not tell me and I am afraid to find out the truth. The last time we talked at that store I wished her the best and she said same to you which was good but I didnt think that could be the last time I seen her. I keep hoping somehow I will run into her again but now its been 5 months since I have seen her and wished her the best on that day. Of course I can live a normal life because of this but I just wish she would talk to me so I can get some kind of closure. Just care for her so much and at 52 I have kind of lived my life Its hard to explain but if she was near my age I would not give this a 2nd thought. I am just a friend or so I thought as she has a very close boyfriend which I totally respect that. Even so thought we would be co worker friends and hoping maybe we could be good friends in time and thats probabaly not happening. Some kind of closure would help as I just care about her so much.
I think it would help if you would think about how long ago YOU were 25, how would you have felt then if a 52 year old woman at work had asked you out? You might have gotten nervous and wanted to create some distance. She doesn’t want to lead you on if she now realizes you wanted more than friendship. If she has a boyfriend I’m not sure why you asked her out. And most women in their 20’s don’t have any idea in their head of going out with a man in his 50’s. I think maybe she made you feel young? virile? alive? because she was simply friendly as a coworker. Anyway, I think you should get a dose of reality, you are in your 50’s. and there are many many beautiful successful women in their 40’s and 50′ s who would be a better match for you. TONS of single women in that age range! I think if you concentrate on meeting other women you’ll start to see that you have alot more in common with them and you’ll get past these feelings about this young girl. Good luck!
Thanks for your story it helps me a lot to overcome from my own depression keep it up bud!
My husband of five years abandon me.. we were on a long distance relationship and him being in the US was a roller coaster ride, when he came to visit me five years ago he didn’t tell me he was married and I only found out when I applied for a US visa that I was told the man I’m visiting as my fiancé is married and my visa got denied, for pregnant was disowned and finally found out that he married that girl because his ex- gf prior to me asked for his help for her cousin to enter the US. He has abandoned me countless times but eventually comes back.. but this time it’s different.. he actually blocked me from messaging and calling him.. and he never said goodbye.. he was kind and loving yet he got easily upset or angry and he is even estranged to his own family..
recent fight escalated weirdly because I was on a country that had a violent riots and I’m a foreigner, I panicked and got scared because they were burning buildings and torching buses and metros.. he sent me money to buy food and water and He drive off with friends to eat out of town and messaged me the next day as if nothing was happening to where I was.. friends from church called him out for it.. and he said ‘ I’m no one’s slave and I can do what I want’ the. After that he stopped everything and just disappeared and blocked everyone..
I’m heart broken and devastated and I’m in a country that is in chaos right now .. I’m here to get to where he is.. but after now he just left me here..
Great article, I have helped others with this same predicament. Its a painful situation, just ask anyone that has endured the silent treatment. Though individuals should not dwell on such drama. We are all human and many of us have different ways of processing issues. Once we understand why others do the things they do, it makes it easy to say goodbye with love. I don’t believe in rebounding or recycling love. If I mess up or get rejected, that is it, theres no turning back. Our destiny is to be with someone who’s chooses us daily, not worship us; just communicate, be honest and show affection. Deep relationships with value, compromise, and teamwork. Without communication or appreciation, nothing assists. Without love or trust, no future friendship can ever be developing. Having no closure will oppress someone’s life, walking away forever helps you regain that life back. Walk away, say what needs to be said and promise nothing in return. Those who love you will never leave you or shut you out. If they won’t give you closure, remove yourself from their life, and never return.
I’m sorry to say but this post is almost USELESS. It’s like saying ‘Don’t be sad’ to someone who is sad and expecting it to work magically.
‘Don’t hope too much’, ‘avoid too much thinking’, ‘decide to let go’.. Seriously?
You think someone who’s reached till here doesn’t know he/she needs to do all this?
‘Demand for a closure’, ‘pray for closure in future’.. seriously? Isn’t this contradictory with the title of the post, ‘ways to Move on without closure’?
Maybe you could have elaborated on how to do these things, but again, it’s not natural for anyone to how to do that, that’s the main issue. And then probably you might be having a different view while posting this.
However, I acknowledge your post and thank you for writing it. Most of the things are the aspects of moving on so it might help fellow readers during their downtime.
Also, know that I’m not writing this comment with hatred. I am writing it with pain. Pain is what brought me here, and if you could be empathetic enough to understand what a person in absolutely devastating pain would be seeking from a post titled like this, probably you could have done more justice to it.
Still, no hard feelings towards the author. Thank you. Keep up the good work.
I recently been confused about my boyfriend behavior. He doesn’t make it a priority to call or reply back to my text messages like before. He calls and text at his convenience. I wanted to speak with him in person about us. Decide to see if it was best to just be friends again but he just didn’t make time for us to see eachother. My friend tells me he’s waiting for me to end things that’s why he’s acting like that. My friend has been telling me there’s a lot of red flags in this relationship but it’s me who is ingoring it.
When I have decided to not call and text him anymore he sends me a text telling me he misses me and he loves me etc…. we spoke on the phone and I told him I will call him back later (i was at work). Called him back he didn’t pick up or return my call. He’s dealing with a sick relative I understand his situation. I tried reaching out to him to a few more times to see how’s he doing but no reply at all. It’s been almost a week now. Relationship needs to be balance. Both parties needs to put in the time and effort. The fact that he didn’t care enough to send a text to at least let me know if he’s ok or not is unacceptable. I didn’t text him back to back but almost every other day because I was worried. Even if he wanted to be left alone he should have responded. I have decided to let it be and give up even if I didn’t get the closure that I want. I can’t allow myself to be with someone who does not make me a priority and be a convenience to him.
I was in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years with a Brit and I am a Filipina. Things were good but eventually turned otherwise because of me. I didn’t know that I was suffering from complex PTSD and attachment issues because of the traumatic experiences I’ve had since childhood up to the time of my dysfunctional marriage that ended several years back. And so, unknowingly, I have been doing certain things that were manifestations of my emotional disorder. Each time that he goes back to the UK, I would say things to him that he felt I was constantly accusing him of cheating. Each time that he would go to his mom’s for a few days, I won’t hear from him because he said that he’s busy helping at the farm. Each time that he goes to a church activity for a few days, he doesn’t like me messaging him I miss him. These are the things that made me freak out – I didn’t know how to process my emotions, therefore affecting the way I manage my feelings. He said that he cannot feel that I love him, when in fact I tried my best to let him feel how much I love him. Long story short, he broke up with me and won’t listen to me when I explained and apologized for everything that I did because of my illness. What baffled me was that he blamed me for seeking help too late – he said that I should have sought professional help for my emotional condition when he still hasn’t decided to put an end to our relationship. He won’t listen anymore even if I told him that each time that I act like that, it was my emotions, and not me doing that. It wasn’t intentional. He stopped messaging me despite my messages of asking for his forgiveness and working things out, until finally he messaged me saying that I should accept that it’s finally over and that I still can’t see what I have said and done. He also said that I should stop messaging him and to just move on.
I wonder why it’s so easy for him. I thought love doesn’t give up. I thought he would support me and will instead choose to be with me as I make my way through healing. But he was very firm that it’s over and that my decision to seek help was too late. Now I am starting too make small steps towards recovery. I am still blaming myself for the break down of our relationship, but I know that someday I will be okay and happy.
For me, no closure, is closure. The uncertainty is certainty and the love bombs are manipulation. The cold shoulder and lies, the lack of communication. In the beginning I was made to play the fool. I was put on a pedestal, an object of Hope and dreams. I was made to be this object of providing a fairytale ending. I tried changing and it was laughed at, though I knew how this story was going to end. It would end like how it always ends. At least I could make changes, even if it meant nothing to someone else. I was meant to be set free. No longer did I stay in missery, even though I analyze behavior, and tested every outcome. The relationship was supposed to end like it did. You see, I paid attention. I remember really well, the smallest details and random actions displayed everything. When you care about someone you ask them, when you just sit around be asked questions; it’s a one way street. I always asked questions, I may have been cruel or rude at times. I however did do my best, I learned that some will repeat the same behaviors and will never have mental stability.
Thank you for the Story! I didn’t realize what happened and what was going on… Your Story will make the Healing Process Easier…
This was the worst advice. Reading these for the first time I have been doing several of the things listed which has made me attach more. The ways are contradicting to each other.
i have been in relationship with the guy for almost 4yrs, he leave me with out saying anything he stop talking with me.i don’t know what happened, how many times i ask him he just read my message . like he try to avoid me….it hurt cos until now no answer and no closure.
My husband of 3.5 years is acting indifferent towards me. The 1.5 years of our marriage was awesome. We had our share of ups and downs but we found our way through it. Thereafter he started acting slightly withdrawn, as in he was no longer making plans with me or was not speaking to me with as much intimacy as earlier. When I asked him about it, he rubbished that anything was wrong and said that it was only work pressure and nothing more. I then gave him time and space to figure his way out but now turns out he went further away from me. While we stayed together and had a fairly good life, I could sense lack of communication and that deep bond sometimes.
Now a few months ago he got transferred to another city in India itself and since then he is completely ignoring me. He was reluctant to even share his new address with me initially. Neither does he receive my calls (or calls back) nor does he reply to messages anymore. He didn’t even wish me on my birthday and when I gave him a surprise visit, he met me for a few hours then left for work to not return the next 3 days.
I don’t know what he wants. He’s just not telling anything and ignores me and my family completely. I am getting a cold shoulder from his family too. During our marriage I may have been possibly harsh sometimes or hurt him in anyway but I can’t think of anything I did so drastic to draw such a reaction from him.
I am completely in the dark and very disturbed. I really want this disastrous situation to come to a conclusion. Please help. While marriage is very sacred to me , I certainly don’t want a lifetime of suffering just for the sake of staying married.
I know that all too well. That’s not love, remember that actions speak louder than words. It doesn’t matter what he says, if he doesn’t prove it don’t believe him. Be strong love, you got this and you deserve better than that crap💛
I have been in a relationship with a guy for 8 months not knowing he was cheating until I found out, but he still says he loves me but his actions don’t seem so. I’m hurting but I want to move on. I thought I found the one I was praying for.
Sometime, its very difficult to leave a relationship, even with a person which think that she is more important, more pretty and more intelligent then other person, and even she thinks that everything revolves around her. Never share her information with partner and selfish and not honest to other partner. Even in such a relationship if you made conditional threat that you going to end this relationship if you will not do this, so she happily ends the relationship. Why because she feel disrespect that why he said these things. The bottom line is that the partner should have understanding and care of the other partner and should consider his worries like u consider your own worries.
So well said, Divinia. Despite the deep pain, our suffering allows us to take the opportunity to improve in all the areas that made us less than we are made to be. Good can come from every situation, and it’s often the most painful ones that allow us to learn and grow the most. I will never be abused again either. Blessings!
I have also just come out, I hope for the final time, of a “relationship” with someone who suffers untreated mental unwellness and considers himself to be a genius. One face is beautiful, the other someone you would never want to know. It has been a deeply distressing experience and while I wish with all my heart that he would change, I know that is really unlikely because if he took the trouble to deal with his unwellness, his “brilliance” would probably be lost and he would just be an old guy with mental health issues. His behaviour has been really destructive to me and many others, and he shows little remorse or insight, despite his considerable intelligence. The effects for me have been devastating – really damaging my self-worth, which had it been stronger in the first place, would never have taken me into the situation. I also need to redesign work that we were going to do together, because I realised I was nothing but an object to fulfil his desires, on his terms, when he wanted it. I cared deeply for him and his response has generally been that I need professional help. The one saving grace is that he has not behaved like this just with me, it is not about me, despite all his insistence to the contrary. So hold onto your own sanity if you find yourself in a similar situation, it has little or nothing to do with you. Love is not this, it doesn’t cause this kind of pain. Their dreadful behaviour is a reflection of their inner chaos. Heal your wounds and thank them, when you are ready, for what you have learned about yourself through your suffering. Our core wounds come to the surface in such an experience, and then we can really do something about them. If they had not been there, we would never have allowed ourselves to be abused. Love and light.
Wow. It seems like you are talking about the same person I have been with. His brilliance and age. I have never met someone like him before so it is mind boggling that there are so many similar stories out there.
Not getting closure is the worst. I am struggling to move on without closure, but this article really helped me to understand what I should do to let go on that person.
I’m glad to know this blog helps you a bit. I’m sure you will get through this. Just be patient with the process, you’ll get there soon. You deserve someone better. =)
I can relate. I recently left a 4 yr relationship with a narcississt who broke me into a million pieces and then kicked me while I was down. I gave up everything for him…. even giving up my career, family and moving out of state only to end up with depression and ptsd. He never apologized. The deep regret has led me to suicidal thoughts. People tell me that it will pass but the pain makes me think otherwise. I still wonder if I shouldve stayed, starting over has been extremely challenging and painful.
What matters is you don’t give up throughout the process. Just take one step at a time. Someday, you’ll get there. And when you’re completely restored, you’d see the beauty of this season in your life. You can do it.
Not having closure has been my biggest struggle in letting go. I really want to be happy though and so I guess allowing the fact that I wont get this will be my first step in accepting it. Knowing that you were targeted to be used and laughed at.. I should’ve known better. That’s what I will take responsibility for. If a man is not being respectful to begin with, he’s not worthy of being given that respect. How could I be so ignorant? That regret is burned inside of me like a compass to help me recognize and walk away from jerks like this. I will take that lesson with me and be more cautious.
I’m sorry to know that. I know how hard it is. But someday, someone will walk into your life, fill up the hollows your past left, and help you to be whole again even without that closure. And gaining wisdom from your painful experience is just the beginning of a better life ahead for you.