Nothing could be harder to move on from than a relationship that had lasted for many years. It is not easy detaching yourself from a person who has been part of your system for a long time. Losing that person is like losing one of your hands or even having half of your body paralyzed. It seems like life will never be the same again.
However, if for some reason, the relationship has fallen apart and you know it can never be mended, then letting go is the only way to move forward. Especially if one of you has fallen out of love already or you have irreconcilable differences, then ending the relationship is inevitable.
It may be a hard and long process, but yes it is possible to move on after the end of a long-term relationship. Here are 14 tips that may help you how to do it.
1. Cry if you may, but do not be suicidal.
It is normal to cry after a relationship ends. You are a normal human, so let yourself express the pain you feel. However, do not think of quitting everything. There is more to life than having a partner. Thus, never allow depression bring you to as far as ending your life. There are many things you can do even if you are single.
2. Be positive about the future.
If you would keep on focusing on your loss at the present, you would be discouraged. Therefore, encourage yourself to dream of a brighter future. Think about pursuing your dreams so you will be successful someday. It would be bad if you end up a loser in both love and career. Also, be positive that someone better is meant for you, and someday your paths will cross. Be excited about it.
3. Do not deprive yourself of closure.
Proper closure can help make the moving on process easier. For this reason, make sure that you have that final talk with your ex which can help you both settle issues, apologize, and part ways in a civil way. You may not get back together, but at least when you think about your past or when you meet somewhere, you will be spared from regrets and hatred.
4. Preoccupy yourself with productive things.
Instead of being swallowed by depression in your room, get out of bed, go to school or work, and be busy striving to be the top student or best employee of the month. Focus your energy and thoughts on your tasks. Study hard or give your best to create excellent outputs. You will feel better.
5. Acknowledge and accept the pain.
Stop denying the agony you are going through. Pretending to be fine when you are not would make it harder since you are repressing the pain down to your core. You have to release it by acknowledging the reality of the situation and accepting that it is time to let go. Doing so would lessen the emotional struggle inside you.
6. If necessary, move into a new environment.
This is only advisable if you and your ex share the same environment like workplace, and bumping into each other makes it hard for you to function productively. If his/her presence is unbearable or being together in one place causes negative effects on your environment, then it is not bad to consider leaving for a while or for good. The new environment can help you move on faster too.
7. Forgive yourself and those who hurt you.
Forgiveness is a major factor in the restoration of your heart and soul. Forgive yourself, your ex, and whoever else involved in your breakup. Do this for yourself so you can have peace of mind. The forgiveness will not happen overnight, but as you decide to give it daily, it will come sooner.
8. Do not resort to destructive habits.
People who are emotionally weak are more prone to depression and self-destructive habits. Cutting wrists, drinking hard and non-stop, taking drugs, or sleeping with different partners are just some of the unhealthy activities that the brokenhearted may resort to. They may help them forget their situation for a moment, but they also get them stuck in the pain while on the way to complete destruction.
9. Be with supportive people who understand what you go through.
Having a strong support system is important when you are going through depressive situations like this. Letting your family and trusted friends know your situation is a healthy step to recovery. Their comfort and support can be a great encouragement to keep on being positive in life. For sure, they would willingly offer their shoulders to lean on, because they care for you.
10. Do not avoid for too long the people, places, and things that remind you of your past.
It is normal to feel pain when you see the people, places, or stuff that remind you of your ex. Avoiding them is a normal reaction, because you want to forget him/her. However, you can only completely move on once you finally overcome the fear of remembering your pain. After several months, bravely face these people, go to those familiar places, and be exposed to those stuff. Decide to walk down memory lane over and over until such time it does not hurt anymore.
11. Do not rush into finding a new partner.
Your loneliness could lead you to looking for comfort in the arms of someone else. This could be dangerous, since you would be exposing your vulnerability, and others may take advantage of it. As much as you desire to feel loved again, do not be in a hurry to enter a new relationship while you have not moved on from your past. Aside from being unfair to the person who would take you seriously, it would be another problem the moment you realize you are not really ready to love again.
12. Focus on following your dreams.
Divert your attention to your goals in life. What do you want to achieve as a person? What are your dreams? Preoccupy your mind with success goals. Pursue them with your best effort. Make your heartbreak an inspiration to build yourself up.
13. Encourage yourself to be more attractive.
Along with your goal to reach your dreams, challenge yourself to be more attractive inside-out. Keep yourself fit and healthy. Find the fashion style that suits you best. Develop self-confidence too. In addition, find out how you can treat people better, seek ways to help them, and be a role model in your community.
14. Make your spiritual self healthy.
Once the spiritual area of your life is healthy, it will manifest in your physical appearance and life disposition. Seek spiritual guidance through prayer and reading God’s word. Aside from enlightenment, this will also bring healing to your soul.
No matter how hard you are going through because of heartbreak, quitting life should never be an option. It my take a long time, but I tell you, your wounds will eventually heal and your joy will be restored. You just need to be patient with the process. After this, you will be stronger.
Photo by Mariona Campmany