You can never fully say that you’re in a relationship unless you’ve had your fair share of arguments with the love of your life.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s not all kissing in the rain, catching her last minute at the airport, or holding up the stereo while blasting her favorite song outside her apartment. What they don’t show you in movies are the long late-night fights, the screaming and crying, and storming out that takes place after.
A dose of these lovers’ quarrels is healthy enough, but if you’re having one on a daily basis, then it’s probably time to stop and think about how to stop this vicious and never-ending cycle.
Here are 10 ways to stop arguing and start solving the real problems in your relationship:
1. Look for the root of the problem.
The very first step to stopping arguments in a relationship is to look for the root of the problem. Imagine there’s a dripping faucet and you place a basin under it. It’s not going to stop the leaking now, is it?
If you don’t find the reason why the faucet is leaking in the first place, it’ll keep on dripping and you’ll keep on wasting water. The same analogy goes for relationships: if you don’t find the cause of your problems, you’ll keep on repeating it, and waste more time by doing so.
2. Have clear communication.
It’s not enough to listen and talk to your partner, but it’s also important to have clear communication between the two of you. Clear communication means a good grasp of understanding between two people.
If the actions of your partner are bothering you, then share it with them. Don’t bottle up your thoughts and feelings by disregarding yourself. You’re also a part of that relationship, so your voice matters. You have a say in what happens to the two of you.
3. Be honest with each other.
Now, when you do share your thoughts and feelings about a particular issue, it’s also important to be honest with it. There’s no use for good communication if you’re only lying to your partner and to yourself.
This lying habit will not only endanger your relationship, but it will also cause an emotional and mental rift within yourself, because what you say is different from what you truly believe in. This internal conflict will then result to being unsatisfied and will lead to more relationship problems.
4. Have patience.
When you’re in the middle of a heated argument, it’s easy to lose your fuse and scream your head out. The best advice is to just don’t. Remember that raising your voice will not make your argument more valid nor will it help in solving your problem.
Instead, practice your patience with your partner. Talk in a calm and collected manner without insult, mockery, or rage. Remind yourself that in every relationship, both voices must be heard, no matter how illogical his or her reasoning might be.
5. Don’t dwell on the past.
One of the many reasons for arguments in a relationship is that one can’t stop dwelling on the past. Past mistakes, past actions, or past feelings that have already gone by and left. If you stick yourself to a former version of yourselves and your relationship, then you will never move on forward.
As they say, let bygones be bygones. Stop yourself from unearthing problems that have already been discussed years ago. This will only frustrate you and your partner more and you’d feel like you’re constantly stuck in the mud.
6. Stop nitpicking.
Nobody likes a nitpicker, so don’t be one. Sometimes, small and petty arguments are what lead to bigger relationship problems in the future. If you’re constantly picking on tiny, irrelevant, issues about your partner, it will make him feel insecure and unwanted.
He or she will think that you’re only seeing the bad side of their persona. If this is a habit of yours, then it’s best that you break this early before your relationship takes its toll. Love is all about accepting every side of your partner, whether it be good or annoying.
7. Don’t talk when you’re mad.
Just like with being patient, you can also avoid fights if you don’t talk when you’re mad. This doesn’t encourage you to not talk at all, instead to practice thinking about what you’re going to say before you let words flying. Oftentimes, when we are angry, we say things that we instantly regret, you’d want to avoid doing that.
Talking on impulse, especially during times of conflicts, will lead nothing but to more problems. It will not solve anything or help your relationship, rather it would like opening a can of worms for you to handle. So think now, talk later.
8. Allow each other some space.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, at times this is true. If you get into a fight with your partner, try to place some healthy distance between the two of you. This own and personal space will allow the both of you to think and reflect on your thoughts and actions.
Treat this alone time as your personal time, by wondering about how you got into the argument in the first place. Maybe during this time, you’ll be able to remind yourself about how much you love your partner and how you prioritize this relationship more than your pride.
9. Be considerate.
You have to find in your heart to be considerate to your partner. It’s not enough to lend an ear when you listen to his or her side, it’s equally important to consider his or her arguments as valid and just. If you don’t take your partner seriously or don’t even consider his or her opinions, then the kind of communication you’re having is one-sided.
Hear each other out and understand each other’s woes. This is one of the best ways for you and your loved one to overcome these relationship hurdles.
10. Apologize and remind each other of your love.
Last but not least, no matter how long and hurtful your fights may seem, it’s important that at the end of you, you and your partner apologize to each other. Whether you are at fault or not, it’s best to do this to show that you value his or her love more than your ego.
Also, remind your partner about how much you love him or her. After a heated fight, your partner will need all the love he or she can get.
Fights in relationships are inevitable. In fact, not fighting in a relationship can be considered unhealthy even. This is because you and your partner are not challenging yourselves. Staying in the safe side is alright, but you’ll both never grow as a couple.
When this happens too often, that’s when it becomes a problem. The important thing to remind yourself that clear and honest communication is the key, and that no fight, no matter how big or small, will get into your relationship.