If you are looking for love, you likely know it’s not always an easy thing to do. And, if you are making any of the following 11 mistakes, then you are lowering your chances of finding love and keeping it.
1. Not Making A List Of What You Want In Someone
This sounds like a strict thing to do when looking for love, but it’s actually really important. If you don’t know what you are looking for in someone, then how can you find them?
You need to know what you want in a person. You deserve to get a person that lines up with what you want. And creating a list with the traits you want in a person is going to help you get clear on what you are and not willing to accept.
Take Mary. She didn’t have a list and she dated all kinds of losers. She essentially found herself looking for love in all the wrong faces because she didn’t know what kind of person she wanted to fall in love with. When she finally made a list of what she wanted and put in some non-negotiables, she was able to stop allowing just anyone into her life, which allowed her to see those guys that passed by while she was falling in love with the wrong ones.
What do you want in someone to love? Examples may include:
- Has a job.
- Wants kids.
- Doesn’t want kids.
- Must love kids.
- Has a good personality.
- Has a big family.
- Enjoys road trips.
- Enjoys staying at home – a lot.
Make sure you are looking for someone who will match up with you and complement you because that’s going to increase your chances of finding love and keeping it.
2. Closing Off Possibilities With Too Strict Of A List
It’s important to have a list of traits you want in a person, especially non-negotiables. It helps you stop accepting people who don’t match up to what you want so that you can actually see the perfect person when they come into your life.
But you don’t want to get too strict or you will eliminate some good people from your life.
Personally, I wouldn’t make a specific physical appearance too much of a priority. Give a little leeway in what someone can look like in order for you to fall in love with them.
The big thing to remember is that you shouldn’t be unrealistic. You don’t want to limit yourself to a perfect-looking astronaut who has no kids and has been in exactly one long-term relationship.
Instead, focus on things you know you don’t want (things you learned from past relationships, for example) and then be willing to accept someone who doesn’t have those things and has at least some of the other traits you are looking for.
3. Waiting For Love To ‘Find’ You
I’ve seen some people say something like ‘I’m not looking for love because love will come to me.’ When I see something like that, it always reminds me of when The Secret first came out (the book about the law of attraction) and everyone foolishly believed that all they had to do was wish for something and then wait for it to come to them.
Action is important. Without action, your chances of getting what you want to bring into your life dwindle down to almost nothing.
Love may very well find you when you least expect it, but you still need to keep your eyes open for that person with potential. If you don’t, then you may miss a whole bunch of opportunities to actually fall in love as you wait for love to come to you. In fact, you may get so used to not looking for love that you never see it when it comes into your life.
Bottom line: Playing hide and seek while looking for love is not going to work. Always be open to the possibilities of finding love and take some action to do so.
4. Looking For Love In The Same Place You Lost It (Especially If You Both Haven’t Changed)
When you lose someone that you loved, it can be easy to go back to them after a while when you realize that finding love isn’t as easy as it is to go back to the familiar.
Here’s the thing to remember – if you look for love in the same place you lost it, the chances are high you are going to lose it again!
The best way to know if it’s worth it is to ask yourself two questions:
- Have I changed?
- Have they changed?
If you can’t answer yes to both those questions, then there is a high chance that you are heading for a breakup again because you are both still the same and things will go the same way again.
5. Not Working On Yourself
If you are not spending time working on yourself as you look for someone to love, then that can be determinantal to your cause.
Personal growth makes you a better partner and lover in the long run. For instance, the more you know about yourself, the more you communicate with someone else about who you are and what you want ensuring they are able to understand what you need in a relationship.
Moreover, the more you grow as a person, the more interesting you become and the more attractive you become.
And lastly, if there is something keeping you from dating, such as communication issues, trust issues, or lack of self-confidence, then those are the things you should be working on right now when you are single. Then, when you meet someone, those issues won’t be issues for you and hold you back from making a connection with someone.
Personal Growth is the class that you shouldn’t stop going to once school ends. It’s a never-ending course that helps you become better in all ways, and while you are looking for love, you have a lot of time to really focus on yourself and engage in that course, so do it!
6. Not Having Single Friends
When everyone else has someone to love, it can make you feel desperate, and looking for love becomes more about looking for ‘anyone’.
Single friends are important. They share your situation and are there to make single life much more fun.
Just remember, you are who you surround yourself with. So, make sure your single friends are positive towards finding love or you may start to become bitter or anxious about finding love – which won’t help you in your cause.
7. Looking For Love When You Haven’t Healed From A Breakup
After a breakup, it’s time to do some inner work.
- Figure out how you contributed to the end of the relationship.
- Work on accepting that it wasn’t meant to end in a committed relationship.
- Get to a place where you understand that there is someone else out there for you who is going to make you happier and more fulfilled.
THEN start looking for love again.
If you look for love while you are hurting and wanting things to go back the way they were, you are not going to be able to give someone new a fair chance. You will be making decisions based on what your pain is telling you, and that can cause the right person to go the wrong way.
8. Listening To Other People’s Opinions
A lot of people on Twitter, for example, have their own opinions about looking for love. It can be easy to be swayed by one person and then by the other and end up in a place where you start to retreat from looking for love or give up on looking for love altogether.
- Some people think that all women are gold diggers and consistently talk about why they think that.
- Some people think that all men want sex and aren’t interested in love.
- Some people think that looking for love in your twenties is rolling the dice because things are not likely to work out.
- Some people think that looking for love online is a bad idea.
If you let yourself get swayed by someone who is bitter or judgemental about finding love, then you may miss out on finding someone to love.
Everyone has different believes when it comes to relationships based on their past. Usually, the harshest beliefs stem from a place of pain, not an absolute truth.
So, take what other people say with a grain of salt and do what feels right to you.
9. Feeling Guilty About Looking For Love
Guilt will keep you from doing what you need to do to find love.
- It will keep you from noticing someone.
- It will keep you from meeting up with that person.
- It will keep you from allowing yourself to fall in love.
There are many reasons that people feel guilty about love.
Maybe your friend or parents got divorced and you don’t feel like you should rub your love in their face.
Maybe someone died in your life, someone you loved, and you feel as though you are betraying them in some way by looking for love.
Or, maybe someone loves you and is trying to make you feel bad for not loving them back.
Whatever it is, you need to understand that it’s perfectly okay to look for love if you want to find someone to love.
10. Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
This is an old saying, but it’s a huge mistake many people make on their quest to find someone to love.
If you want to find someone who has a lot of the traits you put on your list, then you need to look in places where that kind of person will be.
In other words, don’t go to the casino looking for someone who likes to save their money. But, if you are looking for someone who enjoys gambling and living on the edge, then the casino might be the perfect place to find them.
Get the picture?
11. Believing You Won’t Find Love
Are you looking for love while, at the same time, believing you won’t find it! You are more powerful than you think, and the chances are good you are going to fulfill your prophecy.
If this is you, then know that you are not alone. Go online and count how many people say that they are looking for love but are too big of losers to find someone. It’s astonishing how many people there are.
If you believe you won’t find love, then you will find ways to sabotage yourself along the way. It can be as simple as not reaching out to someone you are interested in to as large as putting yourself down so much in front of someone that they find you completely unattractive.