Couples argue all the time and it’s a natural thing even for long-term relationships. There will always be differences and disagreements but there are times when it reaches a point where everything is starting to fall apart. This often leads to devastating breakups – but it doesn’t always have to end that way.
It may be easier said than done but it’s always important to have a little faith and ask these questions: have you really done enough to save the relationship? Have you exhausted every possible option to say that it’s over? Is it really over?
If you’re about to give up on your relationship, maybe you should read this article first and see if whatever you have with your significant other is still worth saving.
How to know when to save a relationship and when to let go
It is understandable that when a relationship is not working, people want to put their all into saving it. However, there comes a time where holding on becomes more of a struggle than letting go. If you are having trouble knowing whether your relationship can be saved or if it should end, here are some things you should consider.
1. Talk about the problems with your partner.
Even though it might be hard for them to hear how they may have hurt you, talking about the issues helps bring up points that were either never communicated before or need to be resolved.
Sit down together and discuss what issues need fixing; only take action after developing promising solutions for each problem.
2. Ask yourself if this relationship has enough prospects.
Do you want to marry this person? Will they be a good parent to your children one day? Would their family accept you as part of them? If not, then it is better to end the relationship now rather than negatively influence your potential future children and spouse.
3. Take a few days off from each other.
Both of you must have time away so that if there are feelings for this person still lingering, they can grow stronger while apart. This helps create more of an impactful reconciliation if the two of you could work out your problems during separation.
4. Think about why you started dating this person in the first place.
Were they everything you had wanted up until the point where the relationship stopped working? Or did you settle for them because you were lonely and they gave you attention at the time?
If your standards have changed, then it is likely that this person will not meet them in the future either. It’s essential to let go when the reason for being with someone no longer exists.
5. Take note of how putting all your effort into saving a failing relationship makes you feel.
Are you constantly upset over what your partner does or does not do? Do arguments ruin days and weeks for both of you? If so, then perhaps having another person in life would be better for you; it doesn’t matter if things are going well right now or not. You should only spend time on someone that gives you happiness but not stress.
6. If your partner is willing to put effort into saving your relationship too?
Are you the only one who wants to save the relationship? In a healthy relationship, both people should be putting an equal amount of work into it. However, if one person seems to give while the other takes without giving back, this is not a good sign.
If you are tired from constantly keeping your partner out of trouble and towards bettering themselves, then maybe it’s time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you and what you give them.
If they are unwilling to compromise or even sit down and talk about how things can be improved, it may be better for you to move on. Both people need to want the same thing out of a relationship before anything can change.
7. Try to look at the relationship from an outside perspective.
Do others see problems that you do not? Are your friends and family suggesting that it may be time to move on? Sometimes having a third-person point out the red flags is enough for someone to realize that their view of things has been skewed by love.
Don’t let yourself be blinded by how you feel towards someone else; always think with a clear mind rather than a heart full of emotions. If there are feelings, they usually grow stronger over time, so don’t rush into being together again right away.
However, if both people can work out their differences and come up with solutions, then perhaps this relationship does have a future after all.
8. Let go.
Even though it might hurt initially, letting go can be beneficial for both people in the long run. For example, sometimes we hold onto certain relationships because we don’t want to feel like failures for not saving things when they were already broken before we came along.
However, everyone makes mistakes and has things they regret. The only way to learn from them is by letting go and moving on, not living in the past and thinking about what you couldn’t change.
10 Signs Your Relationship is Failing and Struggling
1. Do you fight constantly?
Do you always end up fighting?
If so, then things probably won’t get better any time soon. The only thing that this relationship will lead to is more arguing and fights with no end in sight.
Every couple argues every now and again; however, if both parties are willing to make compromises and work it out, nothing stops them from living a happy life together. Even the best relationships need constant care and maintenance; otherwise, they will fall apart pretty fast.
Both people in a relationship should resolve arguments as quickly as possible. Forcing someone to stay with you just because they do not want to break up is unfair for them and will not benefit either of you.
If the fights are always about the same thing, then there may be bigger issues at hand that both of you need to work out before being together again. It’s important to have the ability to apologize when necessary rather than getting defensive or ignoring one another completely.
However, if neither person is willing to talk it through instead of screaming until they’re blue in the face, then perhaps it is time for this relationship to end too.
2. Is a person in this relationship doesn’t care anymore?
Do they text you all day and night asking how your day is going or what you’re doing? Do they still smile when they see you at the end of the day? If not, then perhaps it’s time to move on.
Neither person should feel like they are forced into making something work; if one person doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore, then there isn’t much that another person can do about it. There must be mutual feelings of wanting to save the relationship before things can change between both parties.
3. Does it feel like your partner is more distant than ever before?
If so, have you done anything wrong lately that may have caused this feeling? If not, then maybe it’s time to look at how you two spend your time together.
A person should be willing to change their way once in a while for the sake of making their partner feel special and loved. If they are always canceling plans last minute or aren’t interested anymore, then it may be better to let them go so that they can move on to someone who will appreciate them more than you do.
4. Do you find yourself having to keep your partner in line constantly?
If so, is this something that you signed up for when the relationship began? Perhaps they need intervention before things get out of hand, or both parties need separate help in figuring themselves out.
There is nothing wrong with having someone in your life who will call you out on your bad habits. Still, if it feels like the other person constantly needs to be told what to do instead of figuring things out for themselves, then perhaps this relationship isn’t worth saving.
5. Are there trust issues?
If you can no longer trust the person you are supposed to share everything with, then perhaps it’s time to move on. When both people stop being honest about their whereabouts and start keeping secrets from each other, then the relationship is bound to fail anyway.
Something that might help fix a broken relationship is by taking small steps towards opening up again; maybe write down where they are going or stay near them when they are going somewhere without you. It’s about taking baby steps and getting used to the idea of trusting them again.
If you catch your partner cheating once, the chances are that they will do it again; be it accidentally or intentionally. Once trust has been broken in a relationship, there’s no going back to how things used to be. It’s best to move on and find someone who you can trust not to hurt you in this way again.
6. Have you both stopped putting in the effort?
Does it seem like the only thing they care about is their work and not what you have to say? Why stay in a relationship where the other person does not care about you anymore? Why waste both of your time together when they do not value what you have to say and only care about themselves?
It’s important for both people in a relationship to feel appreciated; if one person feels like they are putting all of this time and effort into the relationship while the other person does not return the favor, the relationship will not work.
7. Do you feel like they are intruding into your personal space?
There should be a mutual understanding between two people that each person has their own lives and should be allowed to keep them separate from one another.
Not only does it make both people involved in the relationship feel suffocated, but it can also cause a great deal of resentment to build up, which will only lead to the relationship failing.
8. Do you find that they are always trying to change who you are as a person?
If so, then it’s time to ask yourself if you can handle being with someone who doesn’t like the person that you are and instead only likes the idea of who they think you should be.
Do you feel comfortable being loved to be yourself? Or do you feel like you need to lose weight or dress differently to be the person your partner wants?
It’s normal for people to have minor disagreements here and there about certain aspects of their lives. If this other person is constantly trying their best to make you be someone other than yourself, however, then perhaps it’s time to look at what they mean to you and whether or not they really should be in your life anymore.
9. Are both of you too proud?
If so, then there is a strong possibility that neither party will agree on making any compromises for each other.
Whether losing weight or looking for better jobs, it takes two mature adults willing to do whatever it takes to make this relationship last. When both people stop caring about what the other person is doing for their good, there isn’t much hope in making things work.
10. Have you both stopped trying?
Do they seem frustrated with your attempts to fix things between the two of you because they are not willing to put in any work themselves? Do they expect you to give up on everything even though you have tried your best?
It’s important for both people involved in a relationship to be willing or at least interested in working toward making their partnership stronger. If only one person is putting in the effort, it’s not going to get very far.
Love takes work from both parties for things to truly last between two people. If you are constantly trying while your partner isn’t willing to do anything, then maybe it’s time to consider what expectations they have of you and whether or not this relationship is worth fighting for anymore.
How to Save a Failing Relationship
When a relationship starts to go downhill, it’s important to take action as soon as possible to save the relationship before the problem getting worse. A few steps can be taken to put some effort into bringing the relationship back up to an enjoyable level before everything falls apart.
Identify the Problems in the Dying Relationship
1. Admit that mistakes have been made.
The first step to saving any relationship is to admit that there is a problem.
Many people refuse to accept the fact that their partner does not love them anymore or that they are losing interest, which only makes things harder for both parties involved.
Only when the person realizes what the situation is, accepts it, and acknowledges it as something serious will things truly begin to change for the better.
2. Learn to negotiate and reach a compromise.
Once you have admitted that your relationship has problems, it’s time to inform your partner about how you feel and what you want out of this relationship. Then, you can tell them exactly what needs improving for you two to be happy again with one another.
This does not mean accusing them of anything, but it does mean telling them exactly what you want from the relationship and why. When both people are willing to negotiate with each other and make a few compromises here and there, then it’s much easier for everyone involved to find a nice balance again.
Most of the reasons why people break up can be remedied and solved through negotiation. Sure, this is not a business relationship, but romantic relationships follow the same structure of what makes any good partnership last – regular communication and openness to compromise. Talk about what needs to be done, what you can do to accomplish them, and what you should stop doing.
3. Try to identify the problems together
Willing to communicate is a crucial part of any relationship, so if it seems like your partner is not willing to open up about what they are feeling, then there’s something wrong with the relationship in general.
Communication is key when it comes to saving any relationship.
Identify the problems together so that nobody feels like they are bending over backward for their partner. It’s important to understand what needs improving in the relationship and how you can do it, which is best if both parties come together and discuss what they both want out of this partnership.
4. Keep an open mind
Having an open mind is important to saving any relationship because it means not getting defensive every time your partner tells you something that bothers them or tries to explain why you act as you do.
The problems of your relationship could be caused by both parties or just one, but by listening to what your partner is saying, you’ll find out the best way to fix the problem.
Never feel like the person is on trial while talking about problems in the relationship because it’s not an interrogation. Both of you must listen to the other.
5. Communicate your feelings.
Communication is key when it comes to saving any relationship. By talking about what bothers you, how you feel, and why you act the way you do, both parties can understand where each of them is coming from on an issue.
When this is done more often, you will be more aware of how your actions affect each other and what changes need to be made for everyone to be happy with one another.
Having an open and honest line of communication is key to ensuring that you aren’t screaming at each other or feeling like there’s something wrong but not knowing what it is.
Solve the Problems together
6. Be supportive and make compromises
Once you have identified the problem areas in your relationship, it’s time to put effort into trying to solve them together.
This means putting more effort into the relationship than before by being kinder to one another, letting go of any past issues that might be causing problems within the current relationship, and showing each other support.
Make compromises with one another without feeling like those compromises are detracting from who you are as a partner.
Never do something that makes you feel uncomfortable if it’s not something you want to do – but try to find ways for both of you to be happy again by rubbing off the other person’s needs onto yourself.
Don’t let your relationship fall apart because you feel like there was nothing that you could have done to save it. Remember, there are many ways to fix these problems, so don’t be afraid to talk about them with your partner and see how you can help solve them together.
7. Create a reward system.
Only when the person realizes what the situation is, accepts it, and acknowledges it as something serious will things truly begin to change for the better.
Once you both know what you want from each other, have made some compromises on your part, and created a line of communication where you can both express your feelings and thoughts. Then, it’s time to start rewarding yourselves for keeping the relationship together.
A reward system is the best way to show appreciation for whatever improvement has been made and encourage both of you to put more effort into the relationship without feeling forced or obligated to do so.
A reward system does not necessarily need to be anything big; it could be just a smile, a thank you note, or a random act of kindness that shows your partner how much you appreciate them.
Acknowledging the good in each other will encourage both of you to stick around because at least one person in this relationship is happy with how things are going.
8. React positively rather than negatively when your partner does something for you.
Try to react positively and not negatively. For example, if your partner does something nice for you, like making you dinner or giving you a gift, then saying thank you and explaining why the gift is meaningful to you.
Remember that this relationship will be ongoing. Therefore, things need to slowly get better with each passing day and by working on it together instead of taking things out or avoiding talking about the problem areas in the relationship.
It’s only when both of these people come together and work on fixing their problems can they finally make their relationship into what it needs to be: solid and lasting.
9. Respect your differences.
No relationship is perfect, so you have to understand that there will be problems along the way even when you truly want it to work out.
This means accepting each other for who they are while also considering what your partner wants and needs if they’re not already doing it.
Remembering not to get upset with them over every little thing because then both of you will end up being upset or angry at one another rather than having fun together.
Even though these problems can be big, working through them together by talking about things without getting too emotional or taking things too seriously will help both partners positively resolve their issues.
10. Set the borderline of not hurting each other.
No relationship can continue if both partners are constantly hurting one another.
This means that you should never say anything to your partner that makes them feel bad about themselves or threaten them physically.
It’s okay to have arguments or disagree with one another, but the line is crossed when either partner crosses over into being destructive instead of hurtful.
Remember not to take out your anger on your significant other by yelling at them or saying things in the heat of the moment you don’t mean because this could result in real damage down the road.
There’s nothing wrong with arguing as long as it’s done respectfully and in a calm manner, but don’t ever push each other too far, or you’ll regret it when your relationship comes to an end.
11. Make sure you have time together outside the house.
The best way for any relationship to grow is when both partners can spend quality time with each other away from the stress and frustration of everyday life.
This means going out on dates where both partners get to know one another better without the added pressures of work and family life looming over their heads all the time.
Doing this allows them to see that they still enjoy spending time together and gives each partner a chance to open up about what’s currently going on in their lives instead of keeping everything inside like they would at home.
Have a strong bond between the two of you that enables each partner to feel safe with the other, so it’s best not to forget about that person while all the stresses in your daily life are going on.
12. Learn how to trust and care for one another.
It’s challenging to build a lasting relationship without the two of you putting your faith in each other.
Both of you are not keeping things from them even if the topic is uncomfortable because by doing so, you’re preventing them from being close with you in a way that will benefit both partners in the future.
Don’t ever stop caring about their wants and needs or what might make them upset because this could push away the person you love from becoming closer to you instead of pushing him/her further away.
13. Keep your eyes on the future.
There’s no use in looking back at what has already happened because it’s gone forever, and nothing can change what has already occurred.
Instead, you should focus on making this relationship as good as possible by being patient with one another, discussing problems whenever they occur, being supportive of each other through tough times, and rewarding each other for getting through those issues together.
14. Try to get help from an impartial third party
You may need help from an impartial third party who is not directly involved in your relationship. This could be a counselor, parent, or relative.
You and your partner may find it helpful to attend counseling together. A trusted friend or family member can help you talk things through with each other.
If the problem is severe, such as abusive behavior, you should contact the police for support and advice.
Remember that if your relationship is failing, then there must be something wrong somewhere along the line on both parts; maybe one of you doesn’t know how to do their half correctly, that’s why you need someone to help you out.
It helps to have a second opinion from people who have been there before, especially if they’ve been through the same situation before.
They could offer a different perspective on how to handle difficult times and help give their two cents worth about what might work out best for both of you.
Even though they may not know everything about your situation, sometimes you need to talk to someone to express your feelings and look at the situation from a new angle, which may help you get a clearer view of what might work the best.
15. Be willing to forgive each other.
Everyone makes mistakes, especially in a romantic relationship where there are so many emotional needs, so don’t ever keep bringing up old arguments that have already been resolved because it’s just going to cause problems down the road if you do that.
Both partners must forgive each other for their misgivings because otherwise, it will just turn into a constant cycle of anger and resentment instead of love. Everyone makes mistakes, including you and your partner.
You should both accept the fact that it’s okay to be sorry for what has occurred in the past, but you should also forgive them instead of holding a grudge against them because this will only make things worse.
By doing so, there’s no excuse not to try again by moving forward together instead of being stuck on an argument that occurred weeks ago.
It may take time before you’re finally ready to let go of all those hurtful memories, but if you are trying, eventually, things may get better, as long as you both continue trying to put some effort into your half.
16. Give each other some time apart
If you and your partner can’t resolve the issues between you and feel like your relationship is beyond repair, give each other some space.
For example, maybe one of you needs to move out of the house for a while or take a break from seeing each other daily.
A bit of breathing room will allow both partners to reflect on themselves and what they want out of their relationship before coming back together to try again once they’ve got things sorted out inside their heads.
You’ll come back stronger than ever if you’re both willing to work together towards ending this problem once and for all without putting up a fight every time you disagree about something.
17. If all else fails, then it’s time to move on.
If you’ve done everything and your relationship is still far from being fixed, then it’s time to let go.
Don’t waste any more of your precious time on something that isn’t working out for both of you.
It’s your relationship, and you’re allowed to do what makes yourself happy, even if that means calling it quits with your partner.
However, before doing something like this, make sure you’ve tried EVERYTHING to save the relationship, so you don’t have any regrets later on.
How to Save a Dying Long Distance Relationship
1. Spend time with them – not just online but in person.
2. Send them something special and memorable.
3. Talk about what’s bothering you and be honest about it.
4. Learn how to accept the limits of being in an LDR.
5. Learn to accept your new life and embrace new experiences.
6. Put in extra effort in everything you do for your relationship.
7. Show them that you are willing to wait because they’re worth it.
8. Seek advice from your friends who’ve been through an LDR.
Please visit How to Save a Dying Long Distance Relationship for the details.
Top 10 Reasons Why Relationships Fail
1. Having too much of each other.
Let this article give you a refresher. Back in the early days of your relationship, you and your special someone just can’t have enough of each other, right? You go out and watch a movie, talk to each other for hours on the phone, text and chat, take a myriad of couple selfies, and dream of things wild and grand like you’re going to conquer the world together. And there were also times when you two are happy to just cuddle up in each other’s arms and spend the rest of the day doing just that.
However, there are also days when you feel like you’re having too much of each other, to the point that you become heavily dependent on each other’s approval in order to make even the littlest of decisions, or seeing each other’s faces in just about everywhere. This is when the relationship becomes unhealthy, as its concept starts to consume both you and your partner. As a result, either one of you begins to find reasons not to stick together by spending time with friends, focusing on other activities, or worse, meeting new people.
You can actually prevent this from taking place, though. And to do this, you two should come to realize the true value of respecting each other’s individualities. It is because even if you chose to be together, you are still both living individual, separate lives. You should then acknowledge that your partner has his or her own life too – own set of friends, own family members, own beliefs, and own aspirations. At the same time, you should realize that you have your own life to live too, and not just the relationship. By having this established on both each other’s understanding, the lower is the risk of your relationship going kaput, simply because you give each other respect.
ALSO READ: How to Treat Your Girlfriend with Respect
2. You two don’t communicate.
When two people are in love, they do their best to protect each other. And sometimes, they hide some bitter truths just to keep each other from getting hurt. And you know what, hiding things-or more like, not communicating, is a key reason most relationships fail.
Not communicating doesn’t simply refer to not talking to each other. It is more about not being honest with what you want to say.
Yes, it is difficult to tell your partner the truth, especially when you know that it would hurt him or her. But wouldn’t it be better if you are honest instead of sugarcoating the issues you know you two need to resolve? After all, the truth always sets you free from the emotional baggage that your relationship doesn’t deserve.
3. You’re not listening.
Communicating also refers to listening to each other’s thoughts without being opinionated. Sometimes, your significant other just wants you to listen to what he or she is saying, without the need of speaking out your own take on things.
Listening requires patience, as you may not agree with your partner’s viewpoints all the time. You must understand that venting is a way for some people to set their emotions aside in order to accommodate sound reason and come up with a good decision. So yes, it is a must that you are able to listen, as this is an essential way to maintain a healthy and lasting relationship.
4. You’re not meeting each other’s expectations.
You entered into a relationship with your partner because you both wanted to. It’s a choice. But have you thought about what you want to do with your relationship now that you’re in it?
Your partner may be thinking about going on long-term, while you’re just enjoying the moment. You may be looking forward to getting married and having kids in the next five years, but your partner wants to invest in making memories together first as a couple. Most of the time, however, you are expecting more from your partner, and when they come with less, you feel angry and frustrated.
You know this shouldn’t be the case, and perhaps it’s time to think about why you entered this relationship. By agreeing to be together, you also accept your partner’s capacities and limitations, regardless of how these do not meet your aspirations. It’s because that’s what you have loved about that person in the first place, the main reason you committed to being in a relationship.
Commitment is a two-way street. You give and take, and so does your partner. You can’t always expect to receive, nor be always the one to give, and vice versa. But if there’s one thing you both can do, it’s to be each other’s inspiration to dream, belief, and survive whatever obstacle that will come your way.
5. You tend to count whenever an argument arises.
There are people who are so obsessed with being in a relationship, they only focus on the perks they get from it. These may include superficial things such as couple shots, wearing a couple of shirts, celebrating “month series,” or efforts such as having someone to run errands on their behalf. And yes, whenever they get into an argument, they tend to count the littlest things they have done for each other, just to prove who exerted the most to make the relationship work.
Needless to say, this is a major no-no in any relationship. Regardless of the weight of the argument, there’s no reason for you to aggravate the situation by listing down what you’ve done because it won’t in any way help resolve the main issue. Rather, you may want to focus on how to fix the problem together and move forward together.
6. You evade the real issue.
Another solid reason relationships fail is when either of you starts avoiding real problems. Instead of sitting down and talking about them until you’ve come up with a solution, you opt for a quick fix.
For example, your girlfriend is starting to ask about long-term plans like marriage, but you feel like you’re not ready for it yet. But rather than confronting her about your feelings on the subject, you look for diversions, such as treating her out or giving her a present, just for her to forget about it. But you see, this topic will be brought up again and again in the future, and unless you don’t have the resolve for it, its impact will only grow worse and may damage your relationship.
7. You are not supportive of each other’s individual goals.
Admit it: you do not agree with most of your partner’s life choices. These include fashion preferences, dream jobs, and even places to live in, as well as other heavier decisions. But since you two are in a relationship, you may want to adjust and start supporting each other’s individual goals.
Being supportive means you are giving maximum tolerance to your partner’s decisions and not getting in his or her way to achieve the goal. You can’t always have things only your way since your partner has a life to live too. You may not know it, but his or her decisions are for your benefit in the long run.
8. You want to be the center of your partner’s attention.
There are times when you easily get jealous of the other things your partner puts attention to. This doesn’t necessarily pertain to a possible third party, but more like on his or her hobbies, choosing to spend time with friends, and even dedicating more time to work and other obligations outside your relationship.
If you easily get annoyed by these, you better make some adjustments. Keep in mind that your partner has his or her own life to live too, and so do you. Feeling paranoid whenever these things arise means that you’re not only insecure but also self-centered and that you don’t want your relationship to prosper.
9. It’s so hard for you to give full trust.
Do you easily get angry when your partner doesn’t come home on time? Do you feel betrayed when he or she goes out with friends without telling you first, or if they jump into impulsive decisions without asking for your opinion? If you often feel this way, then it’s a sign that you are having trust issues with your partner.
You may want to sit down and talk this out together. It doesn’t really hurt to tell him or her your take on the issue, and why you are having trust issues. While he or she may not accept this initially, it is important that you convey your message and have them understand your side. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will be more than happy to help you in building a foundation of trust.
10. You tend to forget about your limits.
There are certain limitations when you are in a relationship. Of course, you already have a shared yet exclusive space with your partner, and you two have to respect not only each other’s individualities but also your shared commitment.
When in a relationship, it is important that you know when you can entertain people who express that they want more than just friendship. Yes, it’s time to stay away from people who flirt with you, and so should your partner. Sure, there are instances when you just have to be cordial with them, but to avoid suspicion and unnecessary fits of jealousy, better distance yourself from these people as early as possible.
It’s your life, after all, so do whatever makes you happy without causing more problems for yourself by trying to fight for something that has already fallen apart.
If it’s meant to be, then it’ll work itself out somehow, sometime down the road!
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
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