How do you usually react to the problems in your relationship? Do you get angry? Do you feel frustrated and helpless? Do you easily give up? Or do you do something to fix whatever it is that is broken?
The truth is, only a few people actually know how to survive the greatest challenges in their relationships, while most end up saying goodbye to their love stories with a broken heart – and you should learn from this.
There’s no such thing as a smooth sailing relationship. Every couple encounters an obstacle as they face life together; some are petty, while others can be more difficult to deal with. True, these problems are part of a couple’s test of patience, and it’s up to them how to overcome them. Sadly, there are also issues where the couple could no longer resolve, thus leading to the end of their relationship.
Whenever you are faced with the most challenging obstacles, a break up is not always the answer – even if you think that it’s the only way to stop your heart from hurting.
If you are currently caught between saving your relationship and ending it, this article will help you take the right step.
Here are some inspiring tips on how to solve relationship problems without breaking up.
Do:
1. Accept the fact that you don’t have a perfect relationship.
You’re not in a fantasy world, and your love story will never be as perfect as what you read in fairy tales – and it’s okay. A part of fixing your relationship’s problems is recognizing that what you have is not perfect – and it doesn’t have to be.
Accept the fact that you and your partner are just humans capable of making the wrong decisions. Don’t end the relationship just because you did something wrong or your partner took a wrong turn. Please talk about the real issues, acknowledge that you do make mistakes, and learn from them.
2. Talk about the problems that are affecting your relationship.
When the two of you face a misunderstanding over a particular issue, like when you cannot agree on a joint decision, the best recourse is to talk things through. Communication is the golden key to making a relationship last, especially when trying to solve a problem that affects both of you. Talk about it first and try to understand what went wrong. It’s best to discuss the issues together instead of fighting and playing the blame game.
Tell your partner your thoughts, and allow them to voice out their ideas as well. There’s no need to prove who has the better opinion because, at the end of the day, neither of you would be happy with a half-hearted decision.
Talking things through helps a lot, however, as you learn more about how you think as individuals and how you can come up with a compromise over that subject you have been arguing over.
Even if it’s just one person who made a mistake, you both have a role to play in fixing it. You apologize, you forgive, you give second chances, and you learn from your shortcomings.
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3. Take some space from each other, but set an amount of time.
Taking some time away from each other can be a good way to cool the emotions down, especially when you have reached a heated argument. You cannot come up with a sound resolve if you are on a high emotional high, so it would be better to take some time off. You may want to spend time with family or friends, or just by yourself, so you can think things through.
If you think you both deserve a break from each other, it’s okay. Just make sure that you take them on together when you’re finally ready to face the problem.
Do set a time limit, though. You may want to dedicate a specific time to discuss your problem together; make sure that this period of being away from each other is enough for both your emotions to calm down.
4. Be patient, be more understanding, and have a little more faith.
When your relationship problems are further burdened by being in a long-distance relationship, you have to rely on three important qualities: patience, understanding, and faith.
Don’t break up just because you are too impatient. Give your relationship a chance to adjust to a long-distance relationship, and most importantly, have a little more faith in your partner. Why would you give up if your significant other is doing everything to make it work?
ALSO READ: 10 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship
5. Take a walk together.
When you can’t come up with a resolve to your argument sitting down, then it may help that you go out for a walk. Unlike traveling or going on a vacation, taking a walk is a much simpler way to contemplate your issue and the kind of solution you want to address. Walking also helps you two relax, and in a way, realize that you’re on the same journey together.
6. Go through the argument while holding hands.
Holding hands while talking about relationship problems can be cheesy for some couples, but this approach is highly recommended, even by psychologists.
When you hold hands while discussing a problem, you can feel each other’s emotions without using words. You form a more intimate connection that allows both of you to exchange empathies, and the decision you come up with to solve the problem becomes sincere and wholehearted.
7. Say sorry – and mean it.
When you and your partner are in an argument, for sure, you will be hurting each other’s feelings, either by the words you say to each other or through your exchange of reactions. Regardless of who is at fault, however, be ready to say you’re sorry.
Saying sorry doesn’t necessarily pertain to that you are taking the situation’s fault, but more to the hurtful position you have placed your partner. It is also important that you know the reason behind your apology and that you only mean well.
8. Be mindful of your partner’s feelings.
When facing an argument, you should be well aware of how your partner feels and reacts. Their emotions serve as signals towards their next move, such as coming up with a decision. You should read these signals before they actually spell out what they want to say or explain. Otherwise, you will not understand each other.
9. When in doubt, pray.
When both of you cannot come up with a resolve together, despite going through a series of discussions over the same issue, then perhaps it’s time to pray.
There’s nothing prayer can solve, as while it doesn’t always provide you with answers, praying helps you rethink your relationship goals and how you want to achieve these. The quiet time also allows you to calm down until you find a balance between reason and emotion while facing the problem.
DON’T!
10. Never let the idea of breaking up enter the conversation.
“Let’s just end this”, “let’s break up”, are the phrases that can be the most painful part of trying to solve a relationship problem. No matter how emotional or hurt you feel, never let the idea of ending your relationship be a part of the conversation.
Don’t give up just yet, especially if you still want to fix it. Even if you think that saying these things will make you feel better, it won’t. It will just add another thorn to an already aching heart.
11. Stop putting all the blame on your partner.
As mentioned before, don’t play the blame game. When your partner does something wrong or facing a problem in your relationship, consider these two possibilities: one, whatever your partner did maybe a reaction to how you treated them, and two, you’re partly responsible for what happens next.
Evaluate yourself as a partner. Are you doing your part? What do you think are the factors that drove your significant other to make these mistakes? Could you have done something to prevent them?
However, also keep in mind that there are really times when even if you did everything right, some people won’t just do their part and mess up. In such cases, you should never blame yourself. Know when you are right and know when you are already being taken advantage of.
ALSO READ: 9 Effective Ways to Help Couples Solve Relationship Problems
12. Don’t let other people’s judgment influence your decisions.
While it’s good to ask for advice and help from other people, the only ones who can really fix the problems in your relationship are the both of you.
As long as you know that you are treating your partner right and you are doing your part, then you should have the confidence to reject other people’s judgment about your relationship – especially if these pieces of advice contradict how you truly feel.
13. Don’t turn to your vices for temporary remedies.
When people have relationship problems, they usually turn to their vices for temporary comforts: drinking, smoking, and even flirting with other girls/guys. While they can make you feel better somehow, imagine how much damage they can do to an already dying relationship?
Don’t take this road if you still want to save your relationship from breaking up. Face your problems head-on, and face them as a couple. Alone, you are weak and vulnerable. But together, you’re unstoppable.
14. Never use your words as weapons to hurt your partner.
Words are powerful. They can be as beautiful as flowers but can also be as deadly as a knife. Use them wisely, especially if you’re trying to fix a problem in your relationship. Never use them as weapons to hurt the person you love just because you’re angry – because if you do, there is no turning back.
Choosing the wrong words can lead to a breakup. At the same time, choosing the right one can save your relationship. These choices will always be there every time you fight or argue. Make sure to pick the right one.
15. Don’t argue over the phone, chat, or text.
Personal confrontations are always best when resolving an argument between couples. Bickering over the phone, through text, or via chat can be very limiting, as you don’t get to understand each other’s points of view completely. The emotions that come with the messages likewise get lost in translation when not dealt with in person, thus making matters worse in the long run.
It may be better to dedicate time to talk things through, like meeting up after dinner or lunch, in a place where you two can be alone together. The intimate environment provides a sincere ambiance, which allows you and your partner to discuss the issue comfortably.
16. Never vent to your friends when you’re in an argument with your partner.
When taking time off from your partner due to an argument, it would be great to spend time with friends so that you can relax. However, you shouldn’t discuss your relationship issues with them.
They may give you varying opinions on the matter and make it more difficult for you to think straight, and they may even go the extra mile and talk these out to your partner. Sure, they mean well, but it doesn’t always mean that their unsolicited help can solve your relationship issue.
In a nutshell…
All couples go through all sorts of relationship problems. It doesn’t excuse anyone. You may be dating for only a few months or have been married for several years already, but obstacles would still come your way. All these trials are just a test of patience, and being able to overcome them together may lead to a long and lasting relationship.
Even if you don’t have the perfect love story, it’s important that you hold on to your relationship, especially if you think that you’ve finally found the one. Problems will always be there to challenge your bond, so make sure that you are ready and strong to face them all. Don’t give up!
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose. - Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
Books recommended for you:
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My partner and I have been fighting for a few days. But I did not understand who was responsible for this. But after your article, I understood my mistake. You tell me everything about relation tips. Thank you very much for the tips. Please share more like this(: